I can’t put my finger on it.,

[CLB1125]

I’ve been reading some of your bios and you can pinpoint what started your journey down this path. I can not. I came from what I would call a “normal “ family. We had a dairy farm. My dad worked as an iron miner until they shut down in the early sixties. My mom stayed at home. There was never any problem drinking maybe an occasional drink at Christmas or a wedding but never saw knock down falling down drunk until I was married to my first husband. We all worked on the farm. I don’t remember any serious accidents I had or anything like that. My mom said I was black when I was born because the cord was around my neck. I know I was always sick. I don’t remember being a happy child but I played by myself a lot. I was always scared. Maybe I was just born with mental illness. I don’t know, I guess I’m looking for a reason. Something I can tell a therapist this happened how do I fix it. This last diagnosis of probably having phscogentic seizures has defeated my will to keep trying to get better. There’s no way of preventing them or stopping them. What’s the point of doctors and therapists and medication? I would never kill myself but God I wish this would all end.

[hypercat54]

I was always puzzled too why my depression started. Until I cam across Childhood Emotional Neglect, Then bells rang very loudly.

Try taking this test.

psychcentral.com/quizzes/ch...

[LoveforAll41]

CLB, I am so sorry that you are feeling stuck in your situation. I hate feeling hopeless, that despair is soooo hard to deal with and hard to get yourself to do anything about. That sounds incredibly frustrating. I had to look up the seizures thing, is this correct?

"Psychogenic nonepileptic seizure (PNES) involves attacks that resemble epilepsy-related seizures in symptoms and signs, but abnormal electrical activity in your brain doesn't cause them. Instead, the seizures are a physical reaction to underlying psychological distress."

I think that gives you a bit of direction? I would maybe try switching therapists until something feels right. I am sorry I am not a therapist that can help you. I have kind of accepted that I am a naturally anxious person and as a kid that led to thinking errors.

Some work that I have really enjoyed is by Dr. David Burns. He has books "Feeling Good" and "Feeling Great" (just an updated version of Feeling Good) that I like. Regardless of where it comes from, I think that all anxiety/depression is caused by thinking errors. He goes into this and how to remedy them. I am still working on it but it resonates with me and it feels hopeful. Again, I am sorry that you are stuck, and I encourage you to try new stuff. There is a lot of stuff to try from weird diets to microdosing drugs. Sending hugs and hope❤️. I wish you peace, hope, and strength.

[CLB1125 in reply to LoveforAll41]

Yes that’s what it is. I probably didn’t explain very well. I feel defeated because I have a husband that is not receptive of mental illness. His idea is get over it! If you can’t do anything about it then don’t worry about it. And he’s been a real mean ass since his father passed. But he won’t talk about any of it. So I catch all his anger. When I told him about this he just rolled his eyes. So I know nothing will get better. I will check out these books thanks

[mizzou7016]

Sometimes knowing why we are the way we are is detrimental to our "recovery". I can tell you why I am depressed.....that's easy. I can also tell you why I've got anxiety.....that is also easy. What I can't tell you is how you can fix your stuff...I can tell you what I do....but what works for me may not work for you...for me...the most important thing is realizing that I've got Depression and Anxiety issues, and what helps me cope. Just keep 'digging' it does get easier