I'm inadequate, fatigued and lightheaded

[Against_the_current]

My sister said im just as inadequate as mom and she's right. Constant panic has me frozen and afterwards im tired

[SoporRose]

You know that's not true. Tell your sister, sweetly and patiently (which will probably drive her nuts), as the older and wiser person, that she is being unkind, that it doesn't suit her and doesn't help you. Then walk away and don't engage until she's ready to play nicely. This is another part of being an adult — and you can do this!

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

I just love her too much. But i have to

[SoporRose in reply to Against_the_current]

It's not really love to allow her to think that kind of behaviour is acceptable. It is essential to speak to her both patiently and firmly (or humourously)* and to set her an example of how to treat others, but you do her no favours to allow her to believe treating others badly will serve her well. It's not fair that you should be the one to teach her this lesson and it's not right that your parents haven't taken on this responsibility, but here you have an opportunity to do what you have said many times what you hope to do: help your little sister. And it will take time. You'll have to keep at it. Teenagers push and push because that's what they do in this developmental stage (as you know from your studies).

It's easier for me to say than for you to do, but, as always, I believe in you and in how much you care about your sister and want a better life for her.

______________

* One of my daughter's friend's mothers cured her daughter of speaking her to as your sister does to you by CHEERFULLY and enthusiastically agreeing with everything her daughter said: "You're right. I'm totally worthless and inadequate. How kind of you to let me know!" "I understand now. I'm completely useless. Thank you for pointing that out!" "Of course I'm a complete idiot, just as you say. I passed my psych exam just because I am so cute. I realize that now. I'm so glad you made me see reason! What would I do without you?" The trick is to make yourself sound sincere, as if you mean every word. If you let yourself be sarcastic, it won't work.

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

Thank you. Yeah, it's really not fair for me to reparent them both. Couldn't help myself and told mom subtle that her behaviour is scaring me. Still have to calm down to talk with sis. She's sleeping i think and im hiding in the bathroom to cry. That's a fun way your friend does

[SoporRose in reply to Against_the_current]

AtC,

Sorry: what does this mean: "told mom subtle"?

My friend's daughter is now twice as old as your sister, so it was a while ago that Julie employed that tactic. But I'll bet with your humour, you could pull it off with your sister.

Have you ever tried getting into drama, just for fun? I could see you becoming a comedic actor. The comedy roles always seem easy, but I understand from theatre people that they can be the most complex of all. I'll bet you would shine 🌠 on stage.

[LoveforAll41]

Just another perspective here. I would say that we are all inadequate in some way. What would be the point of life otherwise if we didn't have anything to work on? I think that it is empowering for me, rather than stressing about how I need to be perfect I can think geez, it would be good to get this anxiety and depression reined in then maybe I can be more productive in work and school and earn enough to get a house, and I can not spend time laying around being depressed and bond with my kids.

For some of us maybe it is anxiety we have to overcome, for some maybe it is lashing out at our sisters and learning compassion.

That being said, know that we all have extreme worth inherently.

I wish you peace, hope, and strength

[Against_the_current in reply to LoveforAll41]

Thank you

[gajh]

I am so sorry your sister said that to you. Most people don't understand how hard it is to function when you are always anxious and tired. Just do the best you can do and don't worry about your sister. Look for support from other places.

[Against_the_current in reply to gajh]

Thank you