Up and Down

[Trainchaser]

I have had anxiety and depression since my teens. I just hate the ups and downs of it all. I have no motivation. Small things are challenging to me. I keep getting into the dark zone and it scares me. I am 63 and I sad to think nothing while change before my life comes to a natural end I hate this

[Hidden]

Hi, I'm 67 and the same. No ups, though, just flatness & downs. It's so shocking - you work you're whole life, just to end up in the worst misery. You're not alone, just want to understand it. I have no confidence at all; how about you?

[Trainchaser in reply to Hidden]

I have very little self confidence. I doubt myself a lot. Sometimes I feel like I am just putting my time in. Some night I wish I could go to sleep and not wake up. I have a lot of family to live for and in some ways that sustains me. Don't know a world without mental illness. Thought I would never make 50. I didn't even think about money for retirement ugh

[Trainchaser in reply to Hidden]

Joemama I put my response to you in the wrong place

[Hidden in reply to Trainchaser]

Hi, I think I did that - it comes through either way. Are you still working? Wish I was. Retirement sucks. I have no kids or friends or family - just a sister who is sometimes not abusive; she's in NY, I'm in FL. Did I read that there's abuse in your past? Who knows how that's affecting you now. I've talked about mine in counselling - didn't make a difference. I think there's a lot of people who don't want to wake up. GETTING OLDER SUCKS SO BADLY. There's nothing good about it. Do you smoke? Trying to quit, but want one badly now. ']llread more of your posts See ya......

[Trainchaser in reply to Hidden]

Joemama have to work 1.5 years but likely have to go past that. Sorry retirement sucks for you. My wife is afraid I would not find something to do. I was abused when I was younger the effects I live with today. Have trust issues. Sorry chatting with a counselor was ineffective for you. Getting old I some physical issues bad back and sore knees. Don't smoke or do illegal drugs.

[Weatherwoman in reply to Hidden]

I hate to agree with you; but, now at 79, I feel that getting older "sucks!" However, I think I know why I feel this way --though I have had anxiety (severe, at times in my life), I usually didn't get depressed, too! Since my Sig. Other passed away last Nov., I am Struggling terribly. I have a therapist (helps some time, some time not too much), I am on a SRI, and a Benzo (Benzo helps the most); but, I cry everyday about the loss of my Sig. Other (have lost both parents, and others which were close, but losing my Sig. Other of 27 years really has Hit me Hard)! Also, have to move out of state --long story. Have health issues (more now since older & too much stress --also, took care of my Sig. Other for two & one-half years before he passed. It seems, at least to me, that getting older brings more struggles as I have no kids, some family, but they are not emotionally there for me, have some friends that don't care to hear my "issues," and I don't want to be a "drag" to them so I shut up about how I really feel most of the time. So, my therapist says, I need to do some CBT and recommended a book, MIND OVER MOOD which I will try. Have read a lot of self-help books & they helped some. I know that part of my problem is Negative thinking (even before my Sig. Other passed), and I have a Very difficult time with not thinking negative --it seems my "go to" MO & I want to change (at least some). We need to have HOPE, and that there are ways we can feel better. Prayers for healing

[Agora1 in reply to Weatherwoman]

Weatherwoman, I wish you Hope.

My prayers and thoughts are with you xx

[Weatherwoman in reply to Agora1]

Thank you --need Prayers

[Hidden in reply to Weatherwoman]

Hi, So glad you wrote - we seem to be in the same boat.... I'm really so sorry about your sig. other; I never realized how bad it can be until later years, when I see others go through this. Too bad we weren't younger. Everyone has had their chance to be young though; now it's our turn to be old! What is CBT? I'll keep that book in mind. Seems like grieving can take a long time, so don't put yourself down for it. Hard to navigate a way through life at this point.......Thanks

[Weatherwoman in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your reply. Yes, you are right that there is no time-table for grief & everyone grieves at their own time & pace. It seems that some of my family & friends want me to get out of the "place" of sadness & despair even tho. they know how much he (Sig. Other) meant to me, and the loss, I suppose they are uncomfortble with my grief. CBT stands for Cognitive Behavior Therapy in that we challenge our negative thoughts, or beliefs. Example would be --write down a negative thought, then challenge it! For instance: Neg. thot. "I feel like my Nieces & Nephews don't care if they see me, or not." Then you challenge that thought by saying, "Do I have any reason to think that my Nieces & Nephews don't care to see me." Then you answer the negative thot. "No, I do not have any reason to believe that my Nieces & Nephews don't care to see me!" This is just an example which you can apply to any negative thought, feeling, assumption, belief!

[designguy]

You don't mention whether you are on or have tried medication but it could be helpful, especially with the ups and downs and could benefit from meeting with a psychiatrist.