I just need some support

[Against_the_current]

After all i live in a ceiling with no privacy and clean water and missing my sister just to be away from mom. I'm having terrible acid reflux, waking up at 1am from my stomache burning, staying up all night, sleeping all day, then realising i didn't cover the syllabus and done nothing. Going out for food i just dissosiate and forget what i needed. Idk how im supposed to find a new place in my mental state. I'm fatigued and derealised. Everything is blurry. I even thought about going back to mom but it gets too much people living in the same room and we have fights the three of us which stresses me, also if i go back i need to figure out whether i will be leaving my place or paying without being there but i would probably return. Seeing nobody all day. I'm trying to talk to the cashiers just to talk to a human. I was derealisited and searching a way home and i bumped into the backyard of a restaurant. The waitress was trying to feed some kitten but it was afraid. They both seemed so cute that i approached. But then the chef came and told her to go back to work and that he's making the kitten a plate of potatoes. I asked do kittens eat potatoes, he said no the cat will be part of the dish. I was like "yeek, Alf the 80s alien that eats cats" and left. I felt some sort of anxious after the girl left. And I just left the chef have a break. Okay, im spiraling to avoid my misery but for real. My stainns are claggered, my stomach is acid, i lose vision outside, it's like im blind, everything is like im on Jupiter. I need to move out to be comfortable but idk how. I can't even buy myself food. I have my final exam on 4th july that consists 28 topics and i studied like 12 of them. The exam is at 9am. Idk how im gonna make it. And this is for getting my bachelor's degree. Studied through pandemic, war, inflation, dad"s baby entrance to this world, mom's alcholosim and probably bipolar. Dad's touring in the jungles of Bulgaria and Romania like Indiana Jones with either bringing his wife and baby or leaving them in the 3 rooms appartment i grew up in and i loved and they took it from me while im living on a ceiling and feeling guilty for paying it. I was really in crisis these days after my privacy crossed, called a helpline three times and my psychiatrist two. He just gave me 3 boxes of Clonasepam, told me to take the exam and find a better place and do therapy. But at therapy i would have emdr not regular therapy. I'm trying to save for a deposit, rent and eventually commision for a new place. I even gave up on buying swimwear and takeaway. I just know im sinking. Sleeping from 7pm to 1am. Acid reflux. Fatigue. No friends irl. No job or accomodation. And I need to rank up for master's. This would mean one more year here but the bar is high and im behind in studying. I can't adult. Or maybe i can but not giving myself credit and not having enough support irl. I'm grateful for you here, you're keeping me going and if i reply slow it's just my fatigue, sleep schedule and the exam. Idk if im finishing this degree or this degree is finishing me

[Shield_Of_Faith]

I'm sorry your going through alot. I hope everything gets better day by day. 🙏

[SoporRose]

Don't worry about replying quickly here. Focus on your test and getting to the next phase of your life. Study as much as you can. In psychological terms, I suspect that you are so conditioned to perform well on tests that when the time comes and that test is in front of you, your reflexive habits of excellence will kick in and you will remember all sorts of information you have forgotten and will surprise yourself by passing with an A.

Everything you're experiencing is real, but you have been so strong for so long that I believe you can do this. And you know I'm not the only one here cheering for you to succeed in school and in life.

Ruth

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

Thank you, you're right

[Gingerbreadman1978]

sounds like you have a lot of weight on your shoulders at the moment the acid reflux must be down to diet cut right down on acidic food or food high in fat as far as doing your degree you will have your work cut out Good luck come on here anytime sure someone will be there to listen 👍

[Against_the_current in reply to Gingerbreadman1978]

Thank you