It's too hard even to exist sometimes

[Lawergal]

I feel like over the years I have felt nothing but sadness. I can't even remember the last time I was genuinely happy. I feel so lonely and over the years I tried to stay positive thinking tomorrow is gonna be better. But tomorrow never came. It's bearable sometimes but sometimes I feel like there is nothing worth living for. Existing is painful, I hate myself for being born. I'm not suicidal but I always think dying would be an escape from this pathetic excuse for living

[Hidden]

Good decision is to try positive thinking but don't just give up. Enjoy your favourite food and try going out to see if lifts your mood. Always try talking to others and they may uplift your mood. As long as you trying that is very good. Suffering, pain and burdens and stress to try to stay away from by meditation - you just let feeling pass while you concentrate on breathing - can find interests or meditation on youtube, just google

[Chiefsfan1]

I hear you. I get lonely a lot and feel isolated. Talking with my nephew and nieces help a lot. If you can find anyone to talk to that’s around you give it a try.

[Starrlight]

((((((((((((((((Lawergal)))))))))))) I’ve felt the same for so long (not wanting to exist) and right now I am happy and that is fairly new for me ; sometimes I can’t believe im actually happy because my life has been pretty rough.

I think you can keep hope the best you know how to and really give yourself a chance to heal. What is healing for you? What gives you some hope? Focus deliberately on these things and I believe you will feel happy some day. Try some new things too like maybe exercise if you don’t already and meditation… getting out into nature…

Keep writing. We are here for you.

[Hidden]

I understand how you feel more than you know. 💖

[Trainchaser]

I can't remember when I was genuinely happy either. Just try to take the days one at a time and hope for the best. There are times when I would go to sleep and wish I didn't wake up

[Teaching]

I'm sorry for what you are going through. Virtual hugs!

[Tealpillow]

Yep. Totally relate - while Im not actively suicidal I do have that underlying wish to not be here anymore. I often look forward to going to bed: either I’ll wake up feeling better (happens sometimes) or I won’t wake up and the pain/stress is gone. Feels scary to write that down but it’s just an honest reflection of life.

[Weatherwoman in reply to Tealpillow]

Know what you mean. You are not alone. Ever since my Sig. Other passed feeling like the posts above. Also, will be moving to another state (am in USA)-- don't really want to move, but have to. Maybe, things will improve for all of us. Hope, have to have Hope!

[Tealpillow in reply to Weatherwoman]

yes absolutely! And some days are certainly better than others. 💜

[Weatherwoman in reply to Tealpillow]

True --re. some days better than others. It's just SO darn difficult some days & I don't like to bother anyone so just keep my Bad feelings to self. Glad for HU as we can feel freerer to "talk" as we all "get it!"

[Toddzen]

I had been suicidal for a long time. I am feeling better but I hate living in the US. It's a sick society full of bad people who love guns. I do think death will be a relief. I am enjoying Spring time and painting pictures everyday. Trying to find positive times on this planet. There is beauty in Nature.

[Chiefsfan1 in reply to Toddzen]

You must be in Texas lol. In all seriousness hang in there. I’m going through some shit right now and the few people that are around me that care are really helping so just find one person.

[Tealpillow in reply to Chiefsfan1]

I live in AZ and relate to ALL of this!

[Weatherwoman in reply to Tealpillow]

Will be moving to AZ by the way! See you on HU!

[Tealpillow in reply to Weatherwoman]

Oh awesome! AZ is beautiful and our winters are enjoyable. See you on HU!

[Weatherwoman in reply to Tealpillow]

I have been to AZ a few times just visiting. Don't like living in constant air cond., though. I hear that the weather is HOT from April to Oct., or so! Yeah, I hear that, too, the winters are fine! I think that there are a lot of retirees there so I am retired, as well. It's just the moving, and leaving my friends, and support that Scares me. Losing my Sig. Other, then having to move is Difficult, and no wonder my Anxiety is worse, and feel sad & depressed. Hope things will improve --for All of us. Plan to be on HU everyday as need support & can give some, too!

[Tealpillow in reply to Weatherwoman]

I hear you and I’m so sorry about your significant other. And then moving on top of that! I’m glad you’ll be on HU.

Az is beautiful about 9 months out of the year so there is good balance. And we have tons of retirees here - which means lots of support and activities that are accessible to everyone. Change is unsettling but I think you’ll like it here overall!

[Weatherwoman in reply to Tealpillow]

Thx. for the positive thoughts about AZ. Once I get adjusted, I will see what's out there for someone who is older & retired. Yes, change is Very unsettling; but, maybe it's for the best, I hope.