Hi....anyone feel that they are just existing not living? I am on anti depressants due to ocd, trauma. Ptsd, depression. They are doing nothing....I feel nothing...not happy, not particularly sad, just nothing. I am in therapy also but am wondering what the use of it is....can’t change the past. I really do want to live ..... just can’t seem to do it and look forward to bed every night.
Anyone else feel this way?
I so feel the same.. I was just sitting here looking at the sky wondering the same thing.. you took the words from me.. kinda feels like you read my mind. I have always felt like I was the only person in the world that felt like this. It's a struggle most days.. feels like my body is in motion but my mind is not here. Your not alone friend!
Oh wow...I am sorry you feel this way but I am glad that I am not alone. I am 62....was ‘normal’ until trauma struck me at the age of 59. I have it all...money,,...family, new grandchild, etc.....yet I could care less.
I understand the feelings you're feeling. One of the worst feelings to me is to be in a room full of people yet feel so alone. Equal to that is existing but not actually living. Going through the motions of life but never actually feeling like your alive. Wishing, praying, screaming, hoping for the end to only find more emptiness or pain. There is nothing that this world can offer us if we don't have inner peace or real lasting love within ourselves. There is so many of us out there in the world feeling lost or loosing control. So many of us living with trauma we cant cope with or none at all just a feeling of hopelessness. Flowers who haven't been able to bloom or withered from too many storms.
You hit the nail on the head....it’s especially hard in my case where I was once very ‘normal’,,,,I am 62. Got hit with trauma and a debi,it sting autoimmune disease 3 months after I retired.
I want you to think back to last time you were happy..really fucking happy, like pure real ass happiness. Whether it has been years since you've experienced that kind of happiness, or just a few weeks, think back to that. When you loved life. For me it's been about 3 years since I've consistently been able to have that kind of happiness again, and to be honest I'm still not there yet. But I'm giving myself time. Give yourself time. I know that feeling when you literally feel like your entire body is 6 feet under, and somewhere in you..way way way down in you, you can almost hear your real self screaming to get out. Each day seems like you're wasting it..what gives me the right to waste this life when others may have it so much worse? That's where you stop. Don't compare yourself to others. Don't compare your life to the one's around you. The struggles you carry on your shoulders are yours, no one else's..it is the outside world that is making you feel like you are existing but just not living. Be exactly where you are. Cry, hurt, be unhappy, feel ALL the feelings. Take the time YOU need. Acknowledge that nothing makes you happy right now, acknowledge your OCD/trauma/depression, because you know how real it is. You and I, along with most others on this site, know that healing from these wounds isn't an overnight fix, a lot of times it takes years or months..but you must fight for yourself...It is tiring, oh it is ever so mother fucking tiring at times, but you deserve to be in the world just as much as every other human being on this planet. Do not put any kind of time limit on your suffering, get to know yourself with this suffering..how you feel, deep inside, how to navigate and channel it, your triggers, everything. Know that it is OKAY to feel this way. Meds always take time to adjust, but regardless don't ever rely on those. It is a journey and you are one strong mother fucking boss ass bitch, REMEMBER that. Be patient with yourself. Keep that vision of yourself when you were purely happy in your mind, because you will get there.
love your post....but I just don’t feel like it is going to happen for me, I have been hurt and have hurt people, it sucks to not want to die but not want to live either.
Nope, you're not alone, I know how that might not be much comfort. I sometimes wonder if all I'll ever be is depressed. I can be happy or upbeat for a day or so and then the sadness returns. Why won't it ever completely go away?
Hello, sorry you are in this space, I have lived there, and it always gets really bad when I am in a clinical depression. I told my therapist yesterday, (I never met a Zombie), but that is how I feel, just going thru the motions and wanting to die. Battled this on/off all my life, been on different antidepressants, (I build up tolerance and have to change). I just came out of a 3 year trip thru hell, was hospitalized 3 times!!! Late last year my Dr. put me on Cymbalta 20 mg, I saw some improvement, I asked her if she would up it to 50 mg after doing research. She said Yes, the door opened wider and I was led to a wonderful therapist who has helped me SO much. Now I am happy every day and living my life despite "The virus". Being a member here I have had a lot of help and support, it makes me feel good about myself as I can help others. Please give up the past, that is exactly what it is "the past", one needs to learn any lesson you need from it, then send it packing, it is over and done with. I also do not look far ahead, mostly just a few day, it will get here in time. I learnt from a Spiritual Group I was in when I lived in Calif. To live "In the moment", it is so rewarding, because that is all we have. By the time you read this I will be doing other things.
Do you like to read? I recommend a book that helped me So much over 30 years ago, it is by Dr. Scott Peck, "The Road Less Traveled", it was so popular it was in the top ten best seller list for 7 years. Amazon has it used/new, a worthwhile investment. I still use lessons I learnt from that book.
Do you have the right therapist? I have one who specializes in depression/anxiety/ptsd, she encourages me, supports me, gives me love, before the virus closed her office, she gave me hugs and made me hot chocolate.
I feel truly blessed, I am 78, my nearest family is in the UK, my friends have died or are dying, I am alone. I have two beautiful cats, I I keep busy, only go out for grocery's, have to get out of the house once in a while!!!
Back to the past, I keep good memory's and go thru some of them when I need a laugh. If a negative one pops up, I shout Stop, and send it packing, I do not keep garbage in my house, I am not going to keep garbage in my brain.
Do you love yourself? One of the good things I learnt in therapy was to love myself, I was in a small group therapy, the therapist challenged us to learn to love ourselves, It took me a while after 40 years of hating myself, it is a lovely feeling, makes the day so much brighter.
Do not give up on yourself, it took time to get ill, it takes time to get well, as the therapist would say, in is not like a light switch you cannot just turn it off. It took me 10 years to clean out my cess pit, sometimes it hurt and I cried, sometimes I felt like I took 2 steps forward and 3 back!!!! But I did Not Give UP. I have lived in freedom for a long time now, but always pray the depression does not come back. I hope my epistle helps. I send you courage, strength, peace, love n hugs...
Oh, and about the past, remember you cannot change anything about it, it is gone. Learn about who you are, what you want and go for it. It will take time, but everything changes, the way you feel will end. Remember feels cannot kill us, accept them, feel them and let them go. Sending Love N virtual hugs.....Sprinkle
Me, me, me! 😔😢😔😢😔😢
Every day I try to tell myself that I can seek to be Joyful - even though I am in circumstances where I don't feel Happy. I remember the Bible says, "The joy of the Lord is your strength". But what does that mean? I don't always know to tell you the truth. I usually start my day in prayer - asking God to show me what He wants me to accomplish/think about that day. Some days I feel like God is telling me not to focus on my own situation - but to go and help others, Thank someone for even the smallest goodness, or just simply say Hi to people I meet. Those things bring me Joy. I also enjoy my church and seeing good things happening in other's lives - especially if I have been praying for them. I also like listening to praise music on stations like KLOVE - those encouraging songs get me through the day. Hope that helps.
Prayers for you to find Joy throughout your day!
I feel the same. I’m just like robot and I just can’t wait until bed time when I go to sleep. Feel like I have a whole in my chest that won’t close. No matter what I go. I’m on diazepam and anti depressants. I just want someone’s arms around me but I can’t have them and it’s killing me 
How can we be happy again?
We should try to band together to get through this x
I wish I could help, I used to be very normal. I suffered trauma and then subsequently hurt other people. I do not like myself, I have it all....family, friends, money, yet I am miserable and just wait for the day to end,
Yes I have felt this way for several years of my life. A few months before covid (and a family emergency) happened I was finally content with my life.. almost more than content.. almost happy? Something I had convinced myself I would never achieve. But I was. I was in a very good place.
Once we get a vaccine for covid hopefully I will get myself back to where I was. But until then I am right there with you.. extremely depressed and living in a fog.
As someone that once thought they’d be depressed for their entire life, I am proof that there is hope.
It doesn’t sound like your meds are a good fit.. have you considered switching? Meds aren’t one size fits all. It’s different for everyone. Good luck. Keep us updated.
Co-exist with anxiety?
Worth in merely existing. 
Lost the will to live
Does anyone live in Seattle, WA 
I owe my father $ 30k just because I exist
