Hi there.
I've really been struggling with finding the will to live. Just the thought of all of the things we have to do to exist (work, relationships, health, etc) and being required to maintain those things for the rest of my life makes me feel physically sick. It feels like I'm here against my will.
Does anyone else feel like this? I don't know how to want to do this anymore.
I hear you, Synth87. It can be overwhelming to think of all that needs to be done in order to just exist. I try to take it day by day. Sometimes it's hard. Very often I find myself thinking, why bother? I just wanted to say that I get thinking about life in the grand scheme of things seems almost too much at times. I hope you find that this message helps you a bit. Take good care of yourself tonight!
Thanks for replying. I try to take it day by day too. Its so hard. I feel pathetic for not being able to handle it.
It's pathetic you feel pathetic for not being able to handle it "as you say"? Your feelings are valid, you have every right to feel this, if that's where your at in life!
It does take A LOT to just exist daily, exhausting, especially in today's world, you are not alone, there are millions...take care
I’m right there with you
I hope you can find a reason to keep going!
There are so many caring people on this site. Can I ask for all of us that do care
what is going on with you and what have you tried to feel better?
Thank you. I struggle with having to take care of aging parents when I can hardly afford to take care of myself. My family shaming me for not being where I should be in life. I feel so much anxiety about being stuck in this rat race for who knows how long. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm just rotting away because I'm stuck.
I do try to be grateful for having a roof over my head and food, and my cat. I think part of me feels guilt because I know that other people are going through the same thing or even worse.
Hi Synth87, is your fam helping you care for your parents? Are they willing to shoulder some of the responsibility?Do you have community services for the elderly that you can get your parents help like 'meals on wheels' that delivers low cost or even free meals everyday.
I'm sorry to know you're struggling with what seems like a heavy burden. It's not your fault that you're not where your family expects you to be presently in your life. They are selfish. It's unfair of them to place expectations on you alone.
You have found us, and I hope you will continue to share your feelings and journey with us. You will find some sweet, knowledgeable people on here 24/7... someone will answer you. 🤗Navar
Thank you for replying. My closest immediate family lives across the country so there isn't much they can do when they have their own lives to take care of. My extended family are either old themselves or I'm just not on good terms with.
We have tried meals on wheels which unfortunately wasn't a great experience, My parents wouldn't eat that terrible food. We live in an isolated area so there aren't a lot of services available. I'm doing the best I can but I'm nearing a breaking point.
I really appreciate how understanding everyone here has been so far. I hope it gives me strength.
You deserve to have your love ones care for you during this time of hardship in your life just as you care for your parents! Sending you so much love and strength and hope you can reach out to friends and family for support. I understand what you’re feeling and how horrible it is… and that even the closest ppl in your life sometimes don’t have compassion or interest because they don’t understand. A quote that changed my life is “resist the urge to bolt from your own life”. You are meant to be here, now. Don’t give up on how good life can be. Put yourself first when you need to and do things that bring joy, even if joy is just slight relief. You can and will get better. ❤️
There has to be some type of service/help. I recently saw a flyer for a Caregiver Support Group being held at a local community center. It helps to hear from other caregivers on what they are doing for support. Maybe you should contact the State Elderly Dept to see if they have referrals for services/help. The State of NH has a program called Senior Companions where people volunteer to go and visit elderly and help them out. Call 988 and ask for help, they will refer you to services. Don't let this situation kill you.
First of all I wanna really let you know how sorry I’m that you feel the way you do, but especially the stuck part, which I can really relate to.
Secondly, Im a bit up there in years now and what that translates to for me is, I have experience. In both general life, and with Mental healthcare challenges .
I do have clinical depression, and also anxiety, manic episodes, ruminations, and low self-esteem.
Seems simple but can sometimes be complex in finding but The one thing that I’m convinced of is we have to find that answer to what ails us the best we can. After many moons and lots of searching and trying new things, I found relief to my symptoms, and my world changed.
Makes sense doesn’t it, when we feel bad, how great is the world really?
So my question you is based strictly on your clinical depression
What can you do that you haven’t tried to knock back the symptoms back down to acceptable?
That's the big question isn't it? I'm not sure anymore. I'm in my 40s and it feels like I've tried so many different avenues to cope with things. Medication can only do so much. I haven't had great luck with therapy. The only thing that seems to help these days is being in complete isolation. Just having the space to exist in my own feelings without having to be of use to everyone else. I don't think that's the healthiest or productive option in the long term though.
I guess I’m a bit of a different believer than some. After all my travels, my failures, and my successes with my health, and man was l ignorant to a lot of it.
And maybe I’m naïve, but I believe that in many circumstances medication is the answer
We just haven’t found the right cocktail mixture yet.
That said other holistic measures and I find the acceptance route to be absolutely fascinating, but so far I’m struggling with being able to implement the Claire Weeks/Burns programs, , should always be our first route before we dive into meds.
I don’t know about for you and others, but during my travels are finding answers to my attached extreme symptoms. There has been times where I’ve tried a new medication, such as lithium for depression, and after it being a 15 out of 10 for five years, and it made it made my depression, much more manageable six or seven out of 10 or even a eight or nine some days, you don’t wanna mess with that even though the management of the depression, isnt not nearly as good as it is now.
I believe it’s obvious that we would never want to ingest some kind of chemical into our body unless it was absolutely necessary so finding or trying at least find any answers before that I believe is our job The list of nasty side effects ive experienced, also make it difficult to try different meds ,but againwhat is an acceptable for everyday life?
Now that I found such major relief, I’m a bit pissed at myself for not trying harder sooner to finding the right mixture. It’s been the only route for my mental health salvation, and that in my case can take you as far as you need.
BottomLine of why- being scared
Craig, Hello what did you do to find relief?? If you don't mind me asking???Thanks, mindy
hey Mindy, oh no problem I don’t mind sharing with anybody. Hopefully anything we do to help each other changes our path, right?
I was on the lithium, buspirone and Klonopin and something else I can’t remember . I fwent to a hospital when I was at the end of my rope. I had nothing left. The Lithium was affecting my kidneys so they switched that to Celexa and also put me on Lamitagine and I think what the main thing that really affected my anxiety being reduced by 90% was increasing my buspirone from 5 mg to 30 and I’m at 60 mg now.
I’ve been very balanced and stable for a year and a half now. Enjoying life again
Comment from the doctor at the hospital athat I was severely under medicated
For variety of circumstances, docs retiring, moving, I had tried six or seven psychiatrist, and none of them ever said a darn thing about my dosage if being too low so they seem to be all pretty passive.
The hospital was anything but
So happy that you are doing better!!! Great news and stay that way!!!
thanks man
Now we need you and many others on here to find an answer to
Go get them
Hi Synth87
When you say your family shames you for not being where they think you should be in life, what do they expect?
I’m 55 and I feel the same way about myself. My family has never said anything about my life and where I am now. I know I’m not in a great position financially and for my future.
According to them I should be successful enough to be able to provide care for my parents, be married, have a kid, etc. The usual things. I don't drive. They used to shame my parents for my lack of accomplishments, now they just do it to me directly. They're more well off than we are, and we're obviously not close. But they feel the need to insert themselves because they're "family".
It’s certainly none of their business! Some of us don’t have the opportunities others do, especially when they are more well off.
I didn’t date much and didn’t meet my wife until I was 33 and we had our only child at 40.
My wife has had a bunch of health issues that have prevented her from working f the last few years and she finally got disability two years ago. I’m a warehouse manager and don’t make as much money as I probably should so when she was not working we went through our savings and my first 401k. We have tons of debt.
I had a kidney transplant 10 years ago and will need another. I just had bladder cancer and had to have my bladder and prostate removed. I still work.
Just sucks sometimes.
Screw them if they don’t help you with your parents or offer you any support.
Live your life the best you can and do what you need to for your parents.
You’ve got a friend who gets it!!
Oh my goodness, I'm sorry you've gone through so much! I can't even imagine. Hopefully your next transplant is successful and you can have some peace.
Times are so hard for everyone and I just wish we could build a community to provide support for each other. I guess virtually is the closest we can get. But I am grateful for that at least.
Thank you. There are times when I don’t know how to keep going.
Yes, it would be great to create a community that could meet in person but I don’t know if that could happen.
I was just thinking about the same thing. All the things we have to do just to exist. But I want to live. It’s only when I get very depressed that I think life is not worth it.
What are you doing to help yourself? Are you on meds or in therapy. Both of those may help and are worth a try. There may be support groups for caregivers in your area.
Take care of yourself. Let us know how you are doing. There are many good, solid and helpful people on this site.
Yeah, i try to remember when some things are "depression thoughts" but the source of the anxiety is still there.
I am on medication and it helps to an extent. Unfortunately we live in a very isolated area so there aren't a lot of services available which adds to the stress.
Hi again Synth87,My suggestion is to maybe stop comparing yourself & accomplishments to others after all you have mental illness issues you are dealing with. And adjust your attitude to one of 'I don't give a damn what they think.' As long as you're doing your best, that all anyone should expect. I don't see those ingrates stepping up to help you, purely selfish. Bless you. Navar🙏🏼😎
Thank you. I don't compare myself though. What bothers me is the constant harassment about things that aren't within my control or things I don't want to change anyway. I have enough to deal with just to keep my head above water, you know? I've had to block their numbers but they still have access to me through my parents who try to "keep the peace".
Yes, i to find life tedious and not sure which way to turn, and it becomes absolutely overwhelming, so much so, sometimes i just want to let go of all the things i'm used to, it really gives me a headache.
Hi Synthia. I understand where you are coming from. The world seems to run on fast forwards and everything is rushed. There are more folks suffering with stress than ever before. Everything has red tape, political correctness and health and safety regulations. Sometimes there doesn’t seem time for ourselves, at all. We have to learn to say a big NO and to stop and smell the roses and not let protocol destroy our peace. Decide to live your life how you want to live it and be how you want to be. That is your birthright. Don’t conform to what others think you should be. Life is hard for all of us but we do our bit, and try to leave the world a better place than when we found it. You are not alone in how you feel. Think of yourself because you are more important than anything else. You can handle it, just live day to day and in the minute. Take time out. Big hugs.
Yeah, that's exactly it. There's so much to do and not enough time and not ever easy. It never ends. Like a ride you can't get off of. My life doesn't feel like mine but just constantly having to fill my role in everyone else's.
Day to day is all I can do at this point to not completely lose my mind.
Thank you for taking the time to respond. I hope we all can find some peace in this crazy world we live in.
One thing you can guarantee with this life is change. Things never stay the same. It won’t always be like this, it can’t be. Don’t give up hope. The best is yet to come. 🥰
blimey that's thatme, havnt read anyone else felt like this,life is a struggle, I end up talking my way to a more positive place however constantly having to do this is wearing me out
It really is exhausting isn't it? I'm glad we have spaces like these to understand that we are not alone.
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