I've heard this idea from various sources about not fighting your anxiety. That you co-exist with it. Feel it, look at it and see what it has to tell you. That you don't fight it, you don't run from it, you sit right beside it and let it be.
This idea resonates with me. It makes sense that the more I fight it, the more I feel it. I can see that.
My question is, how does one not fight it. When I get anxious I may try one of the million coping skills out there to help ease the fear anxiety causes me. If I really don't want to cope and I am tired of the constant fear, I take a xanex to kill off those negative sensations.
So how does one NOT fight anxiety? How does one sit with it and co-exist with it? What does that look like? I'm curious. I want to try this strategy, because it resonates with me.
How do you do it? What does that feel and look like for you? How do you accept anxiety with out fighting it off? What information does it give when you do this?
I appreciate your response.
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MmSh
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MmSh, that's absolutely correct in that fighting anxiety symptoms or thoughts onlyproduces us staying in the "fight or flight" state.
The Mind/Body Connection is a powerful tool that we all have within us. It takes a
little training in not allowing our negative thoughts to take us down that road to FEAR....
A book entitled "Hope & Help for Your Nerves" by Dr. Claire Weekes was written many
years ago. However, her theory on acceptance is still used by many therapists and psychiatrists. Accepting anxiety as a passing thought, helps us not dwell on the sensations and feelings. Ask yourself the question. Does fearing anxiety benefit me? If I keep telling myself "I'm Afraid, I'm Afraid" what do you think your mind will hang onto?
You see, I never realized what a bully Anxiety was until I realized that once I didn't fear it,
it would go away faster. Eventually I was able to control the feelings by doing breathing exercises which helped calm the adrenaline rush as well as my response.
The Anxiety Entity (which I call it) is a coward. It loves when it sees us shake with fear.
When we stand up to it and kick it to the curb, it learns that we will no longer tolerate
it's control. Our life, our control of it.
Just a note that Dr Weekes videos on free on YouTube. You might want to take a listen.
We have all seen ourselves within her words. My best to you. xx
Agora - thank you for your response. You provided great insight and information. i appreciate it. Let me apply some of these skills you describe. Let's see where it goes.
I agree with Agora! And will just add this…..In therapy years ago, my therapist asked me to try and place a hand where I physically felt the anxiety. I had to really think about it, but finally identified where the spot was in my gut, and how it sometimes resonated to a burning sensation in my chest/arms. Touching that area (as maybe you would to sooth a child’s belly ache) really has helped and still does. When I sit with it, feel it, touch it - I know it’s not going to hurt me. That is how I have learned to not fight it, coexist with it. Hope that helps a bit.
I guess whatever way you approach your anxiety, one step at a time would be the answer. Your anxiety doesn't arrive like a tsunami, does it? so tackle the little waves at the edge first and get them out of the habit of growing so fast.
You stay your hand, you engage in what the saintly Claire called 'masterly inactivity'. You win not by the blows that you give but by the blows you take.
Anxiety is the unwelcome guest at your table but like all guests you must accept their presence for the time being by not rising to the bait.
So let go, do nothing, when anxiety clamours for attention do not fight it but let it roll over you, let it break over you even as the wave strikes the rock on the shoreline, crashes over and past it, then retreats. The rock endures. You are that rock.
Fighting only causes more stress and strain, the very things that in abundance over sensitised your nervous system in the first place and gave you anxiety disorder. Let everything hang loose and carry on, carry on. Oh yes you can, simply apply your mind to that simple do-nothing task. Do not add second fear to the flash of first fear. Float past the mayhem of your daily life, float and keep floating. Even jelly legs will get you there and back.
Your nerves sense less stress and strain and start to recover. Gradually you regain your quiet mind as millions have, that's right millions thanks to the saintly Claire. After all (as the poet told) you are the captain of your ship, the master of your soul!
Thank you - wonderful insight. I'll keep your words in mind.
I am the rock - at times, I don't feel that, but yet, here I stand after enduring years of anxiety. And most recently, a severe bout of anxiety that took me out of work and impacted my day to day functions in my personal life. My systems went completely offline. I wasn't me anymore.
The harsh waves subsided - my systems have come back online. And now it's a gentle lap of waves that persist. I do what I can to manages those waves that come at me daily. This time around, I am equipped with better tools after completing a partial program and switching therapists and experimenting with medication to see what worked best for me.
You say to stay away from negative people. Is that what Christ would have done? Avoid people with a negative outlook rather than help them to see things positively?
I think not.
Many people come here with a negative mental outlook and others here engage with them to help them see things in a more positive light.
BTW it is against the rules here to try and sell religion. Say what you believe, say what helps you by all means. But by hoping that your list of religious activities "will help you" is using the forum to sell religion and has led to much trouble in the past so it's a good rule.
Good evening,I am sorry that I have offended you. That is not my intent at all! I am not here to sell religion but to bring encouragement to others through what has helped me through difficult times. - I always speak from my heart and my experiences, hoping and praying that what I have to say might be of some help to others. - I want to say thank you for responding to my post. I always welcome a chance to learn from others.
Hello Mm, you're on the right track with the lapping waves analogy. There is some really good advice on here and I would add that one of the best things i've learned that helps my anxiety is practicing simple mindfulness. For me it means just sitting and letting my thoughts flow in and out and not getting attached to them. I don't worry about them or analyze them but just let them flow like clouds. I think of it sometimes as watching tv in my mind with the sound off. This has helped me learn to never believe scary thoughts and let them go. It also helps bring me back to the present moment. I've found that learning to lean into the anxious feelings, let them flow through me and trust that it will pass and not believe the anxious thoughts works. The other thing is recognizing that anxiety is our body/mind's way of trying to tell us something and keep us safe.
The books and videos of Dr. Claire Weekes are excellent. I've also found the DARE Anxiety book and youtube videos very helpful and their phone app was like having a personal coach. His program builds on the work of Dr. Claire Weekes. Another book I found helpful is "At last a life and beyond" by Paul David.
I've also found that besides the mindfulness, just getting on with my day with the anxious feelings and being ok with the uncomfortable feelings, they eventually dissipate because I'm focused on my activities.
design - thank you! Right now, I'm trying to figure out how to do what you say: how to let my thoughts float by like clouds. Right now, I'm not sure how to do that or what feels like. I have thoughts.Most times, I dwell on them and allow fear to settle in and control things. More recently, I've combated a negative thought by countering it something positive. Or sometimes, I go out for a walk or engage in an activity to try to distract me from that anxious thought. But it always seems like I'm actively doing SOMETHING when an anxious thought arises.
It seems like others and yourself, say they just let the thought come and identify it as just a thought and to allow to just be, as if there is no reaction. Like a reaction is not needed. The thought simply occurs and you let is pass by.
That's the part I have a struggle with - I have a reaction every single time it seems. I'm either going to fall into it's negative clutches or I have to do something to counter it - in those instances, I win and am able to escape the fear monster.
But I'm not so sure how to go about just accepting the thought as a thought w/out doing anything.
I'm going to work on it. See how I can wrap my head around this concept.
I appreciate your insight - it's been most helpful.
Agora - correct, thank you for the reality check. You're right, it took years for my anxiety to become the beast it is today. And it would make sense that I would need time to reduce it's size. It isn't a crash course, but I hate living w/ the anxiety monster always on my back. It's been hard to feel so uncomfortable these past few months. All I want is feel like myself again.
But maybe my old self isn't quite what it used to be. I certainly feel a slight change to where I was when this severe anxiety attack happened way back in November of 2021. It was a tooth and nail battle where I lost lots of sleep, weight and joy. It robbed me of my joy. I hadn't smiled and could not enjoy one bit of life.
It got to the point where I could no longer work or function in my day to day. My children and husband felt the ripples of that person I became. Joyless, walking around like a zombie, hopeless, unable to participate in any activity. Unable to focus on any task and withdrawn from life. It was horrible.
At that point, I just couldn't go on so I finally made the decision to take a medical leave. I hung on until I had a confirmed date to start a partial program @ the hospital. I left work on a Tuesday and went right into partial on Wednesday.
We determined that the medication I was on made my symptoms worse and by the end of the 2 week program, I was off meds and feeling alot better. As the weeks rolled by, my condition got much better.
Now, I'm almost done w/ my medical leave and must go back to work in a couple of weeks. During this time, I know there's been a slight shift in the person I was prior to this episode. I can't say exactly what's changed, but this time, I'm going back to life w/ alot more tricks up my sleeve on how to out maneuver my anxiety.
Don't get me wrong, I am TERRIFIED of going back to work (@ a new job, no less) and am fighting hard to reduce that fear. Trying to counter that fear with reality. But I'm afraid my brain will betray me again and I'll find myself back to that dark place again. But then there's a part of me that has this repulsion to that dark space. A small part of me that says it will NOT go back there. It just can't.
I'm trying strengthen that small ray of hope. The one says it will never allow me to go back to the darkness.
MmSh, I went through that process and so I know that you are on your way tobecoming better than you were before. I went in-patient at one time *my choice,
I too felt better off medication that I had been on for years. I never realized how
much it was holding me back. I learned more about myself than I ever did before.
I never once doubted that I would beat anxiety. Enough was enough of anxiety
controlling my every thought and symptom. As I found methods/tools to help myself
I could feel anxiety slipping away and I knew I was on the right track.
With no doubts, I promised myself that "when I won, not if" I would pass my success
forward and help others. And here I am wishing you the same. xx
You're welcome and what is important is what works for you. For me the reality is that some days it's easy to let the thoughts go and other days it's quite difficult. It takes time but just having the awareness of what is happening is a great start and try to be kind and gentle with yourself.
Thank you for sharing. I understand the struggle with anxiety. Yes, acknowledging it is important and not to fight it. However, that doesn't mean you have to focus on it. I have found trying to replace the worried thoughts with other thoughts really helps and to distract myself. Here is a podcast (bit.ly/3NcFlVn) that helped me become aware of how I think and cope. I hope you find it helpful. Just know you are not alone and if you want to pm me I would be happy to chat. Hugs and God Bless
Love - thank you! You're right, I've tried to refocus my thoughts when I feel anxiety coming on. It's not been easy. I've lived years practicing negative coping skills vs. positive ones. It's a knee jerk reaction to just fall into the black hole of fear. Assuming the worst and obsessively worrying about future events that haven't occurred.
I used to think, perhaps, that worrying about something was me actively working on trying to avoid the worst. In reality, I was just playing into my fears and allowing those thoughts to become an uncontrollable storm.
I hate living this way. I'd like to think that this latest fall will only make me stronger. Perhaps it will. I have to start believing in myself. I've had low self esteem all my life. It's impacted every aspect of my life, personal and professional. I never realized how much control my anxiety had over me. It's held me back and I've lived a very limited life. I've lead of life of avoidance and fear.
I'm still doing that, but with alot more awareness. It seems like my path to healing has only just begun. I know that I should see this as a new chapter in my life. One that will lead me to better emotional spaces.
But the fear remains. The fear that my brain will betray me and that I'll end up back in that dark, oppressive place again.
So, I have to trust myself, no? Trust the person that fell so hard a few short months ago. Trust the person that allowed her anxiety to get so high that her job and day to day fell apart. I scared my friends and family who tried so hard to get me back.
Yet, back I came. For my kids and my husband. I felt terrible b/c my kids had to witness this unraveling. They saw me at my worst. Saw how I longer was able to smile, laugh, enjoy and participate in life anymore. Saw me scared and depressed at nothing. Saw me have to stop working and unable to perform simple tasks at home. I thought it horrible that I was modeling this terrible behavior. That a mother represents strength and nurturing even thru the toughest times and I was failing to do that - which meant I was failing them.
I felt exposed not only at home but at work too.
I feel like I turned my life upside down and for what? For my anxious thoughts? My fears? My insecurities? I wasn't able to keep the monster at bay.
But yet, here I am. On the other side of that episode. Not fully healed, but able to function again. At least at home. Work has yet to be seen.
During the anxious storm that took over, I kept asking if it was possible to come back from such a dark place. I wondered if I would ever be my old self again. It seemed impossible. Yet, here I am, anxiety greatly reduced with alot more understanding of who I am and how my anxiety functions. I learned alot and met some great people along the way. Including finding myself here on this site listening to other people's stories and getting wonderful advice.
I realize that I don't want the old me back - at least not all of her. I want an improved me. A me that will take this experience and use it as a stepping stone to start a new way of living where anxiety is no longer in control
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xx
Deciding to breakup and co parent 
I feel uncomfortable with my existence , and need coping mechanisms
Crippling anxiety!!!!!! 😭😵
Co-dependent
