I‘ve Lost All Hope

[celestw]

i’m not even entirely sure why i’m making this post, maybe for some sort or reassurance or help or maybe just to let my emotions and actually be heard but, I’ve gotten to the point where disappearing sounds so much more peaceful than living. I’m struggling so badly rn with my mental health, im only 21 years old and i’m struggling with so many things that i don’t even know how to do, i don’t have health insurance so therapy isn’t even an option for me, i struggle so much with my eating that it’s starting to consume my life. Then there’s the adult problems like my car insurance i still need to pay, im in so much student debt rn, i still need to fix my car, i have health problems that i can’t even get treatment on bc of the lack of insurance and the severe lack of money. I feel like i’ve watched myself turn into the most negative person and i don’t like it, i have such a negative view on the world now like everything is red, i get irritated so easily now, im not the happy girl that i used to be. What am i even doing with my life, i feel like so many other people my age are so much more successful and actually have goals and aspirations, and i feel like i’ve given up. I’m not really close with either of my parents either, i feel like i don’t have a single shoulder to cry on. I keep telling myself “things will get better!” but at this point i feel like im being delusional bc things just keep getting worse and worse…..i love the idea of love but never expected it, im convinced that i’m not capable or being in a romantic relationship with anyone, i feel like im too ugly, weird, and introverted. I’m honestly just venting at the point. But i just feel really really really stuck, and idk how to get out of it, it’s hard to feel any happiness anymore, i just use music and bands to make me happy but if you take those away from me i have nothing. Does anymore else feel similar or if you have, how did you manage to get through it?

[celestw]

i’ll look into that because atp that might be my only option but yeaa it’s so hard bc i’ve gotten so used to using distractions to cope that without those distractions i feel empty, thanks for your reply and encouragement <3

[Sunny_go_lucky]

I think if you can, try antidepressants, I know a lot of people have negative views of them, and I did at the start too but when you get the right one they can make a difference. Also, try not to compare yourself to friends and other people, we're all on our own time zone. Things will happen for you when they're meant to. Perhaps you're going through this to make yourself a stronger person. If you can get help financially, absolutely do so. Also, might not be your thing but try yoga, meditation it can really calm your mind. Also, I use CBT techniques to help with my negative rumination and thoughts, just a suggestion. Hope you're okay. If not, you will be, there's light. 🙂

[LynnSalv]

Dude, I feel exactly the same as you when I have my episodes. The not feeling like I am able to being loved, the hopelessness, the comparison to others that they have achieved so much more than me and the pressure to keep up with them, the irritability, it is like hearing myself talk (minus the student debt and the car thing, everything else is exactly the same). We even have the same age, it feels chilling haha. I remember feeling like I should just dissapear too, but instead I wanted it so that everyone would be better off without me (I felt like a burden to people around me).

Fortunately, one of my symptoms of depression is not anhedonia (at least not to the extreme that shows make you think people depressed act), so what I like to do is just put on relaxing lofi music while I am just laying there, try to calm myself down, and list the things I have done that are good (like getting a good grade on college, having built better relationships with people when before I couldnt, etc) and think of how can I try to minimize or delete the bad things that I have done (like lying, being lazy, etc. Not being so critical with myself, but still holding myself accountable to prevent the guilt feelings in the future to become strong).

Another excercise I make is having a virtues and defects list where I list all the virtues that I have, the defects, and the ones I am not sure. You can then have someone else you have trust in read your list and tell you if it is right or wrong. Something like "no, I feel you are a kind person, so lets add kindness here". It can help boost your confidence about your virtues, and with your defects you are now aware of them and can see how you can minimize them to become a better person day by day

Another excellent thing is exercise. Exercise even when you do not feel like it, it boosts serotonin levels and the progress/discipline will make you feel better about yourself (it can even be one of the things you tell yourself you did a good job with).

Sorry if this text is big or if my english is weird, but I hope I could help you with my methods if you wanna talk about your experiences or want to be heard and understood you can talk to me our experiences are very similar so understanding one another can be easy. And I hope your situation gets better

[celestw in reply to LynnSalv]

thank you for your advice! it’s very comforting to know i’m not alone during this, i will try and be nicer to myself, i feel like im so negative bc all i ever say is negative things to myself, maybe if i write down good things i’ve done i’ll see myself a little differently!

[LynnSalv in reply to celestw]

Yes! Good things you have done and virtues you possess, that way you can make a better mental image of yourself. And always, the things you would like to improve on so that when you make the list again the virtues and good deeds keep piling up and you feel better each time.

I am glad my advice and experiences were of help to you!

[Lve2dance in reply to celestw]

Too often we are very hard on ourselves, or compare ourselves to other people. The most important thing is that you're a good person with a big heart.. have a lot of amazing qualities.

[cellodrumsunrise]

It's totally understandable to feel like you do! I'm so sorry for the struggles you are dealing with and that you are feeling the way you are. I totally get where you are coming from - it can be really hard to see everyone around you seemingly succeeding when you feel like you are stuck and that perhaps you are not as capable as them. It's important to remember that everyone moves at their own pace, and while other people's successes are valid and should be celebrated, it doesn't mean they equate to your own. Even though things seem tough, it will get better and remember that even when you feel like it, you're never alone and you should reach out to people if you need someone to talk to. Maybe reach out to some friends or family, take it day by day, talk to someone online or over the phone. You got this, try to focus on the small wins and take a break and give yourself some time to feel. Life can be tough, but you are still here doing your best and that's so admirable.

[Teaching]

I'm so sorry you are going through a lot now. Yes, there was a time I felt that way but I'm better now. I strongly believe that things will turn around for you. Please hang in there because we are here for you.

[Lve2dance]

So true. Distractions help, but emotions are always under the surface. Personally sometimes it gets to be a lot that even when I'm distracted and I feel great for a while; at some point something annoys me and then everything I held in implodes

[Toddzen]

It does sound like you need medical treatment for Depression. Apply for Medicaid. I hit a total bottom fifteen years ago. I checked myself into the Hospital several times. I had no insurance. Nothing. The Social worker helped me get SSI and Medicaid. They saved my life.

[Hidden]

I think that you’ve had some really good advice. It’s too easy to be so negative about yourself when you’re depressed x

[designguy]

If you live in the States you might contact your County Mental Health office and see if you can get any assistance from them. You might also contact your local NAMI Chapter for free or affordable therapy and support and see what resources they have available to you. They also have free support groups you can attend.

[WolfMuffin]

Hi there …there is much hope for you …it might seem overwhelming now but things will get better . Where there is life there is hope and you very young. I’ve been through tough times and I’ve come out on the other side as have many others. The main reason that I’ve survived and thrived is because of the person of Jesus. He can help you too . He loves you and He wants to help you. He is real. There are many resources out there to find out more. The YouVersion Bible app is one . I am going to pray for you. Don’t give up. Btw other things music, sex, drinking and drugs etc may make you feel good for a while but they never last. Only Jesus truly satisfies.