Sharing with family

[domkop]

My family, including my spouse, does not believe that depression has any significance and that people make it up to attract attention. I cannot discuss my state of mind with anyone

[Thankfulforhelp22]

You can do it here. Many people dismiss mental health issues. It makes it even harder. You may need to find someone else, who knows better, to talk to.

Folks here will understand.

[domkop in reply to Thankfulforhelp22]

Thank you. I need to get out of this and I am trying to just type up all of my thoughts which seem to help. The problem we all have is that many of our attempts bring short lived relief and we need something sustainable

[Hidden]

I don't share because too hard to explain for me. But posts on here make me feel I'm not alone and they hit home. Hugs and best to you

[Thankfulforhelp22]

I tried to talk to family about my struggles. I had two problems. One is I don’t think I did a very good job of explaining myself because the right words were elusive and talking about it was painful ( and embarrassing). Two, they listened but seemed confused and didn’t understand the impact of my anxiety etc. I know they love me which helps but I don’t know if I can make them understand. Sometimes I don’t understand it myself.

I have learned empathy and compassion.

[Sylvain- in reply to Thankfulforhelp22]

I think it is counterproductive to talk about our problems with people unaware of mental health issues. The most benevolent people might hear you without judging you. But in my experience, you often face misunderstanding at best, pity statements and dismissive remarks at worst. Advice like "Go out for a walk", "Do some sport," or "Move your arse" probably never helped someone suffering from severe depression.

I wrote exactly the same thing in another thread. But I will repeat: what is great here is you can discuss with people that understand you because they share similar difficulties. Before joining this community, I wouldn't have thought it would be so helpful. You are very welcome to discuss your problems here, Domkop. Most of the time, there will be someone to hear and reply to you.

[Teaching]

Sorry to hear that. It's the same where I come from. I'm glad we have a forum like this where we can discuss our lives without judgement.

[PeaceNeed]

I know how u feel. Im 64 my family dont want to know or be around me.

[Lve2dance in reply to PeaceNeed]

Ditto. My mom is like are you happy are you happy? And I have to be responsible for her happiness my whole life. I understand she's my mom and she feels what I feel. But it's a lot of responsibility to be responsible for somebody else's happiness when you just trying to process your feelings. It's hard when family doesn't understand. It's so great that we have this forum of beautiful people here that support us❤️

[Tealpillow]

Same here. I’m in the middle of a depressive episode and was sitting at my desk crying when my husband walked in and asked what was wrong. I told him I was depressed and having flashbacks. He got upset, yelled, told me he can’t help me and that I need professional help. He knows very well I already have a psychiatrist, therapist, apps, yoga, and this forum etc.

All I needed was a hug and to hear that I’m safe. But instead, after yelling at me, he just sat there and stared at me for 20 minutes stewing in anger and not saying anything, while I silently cried and tried to work. Talk about feeling like a sideshow freak.

Glad this forum is here. It’s helpful!

[Lve2dance in reply to Tealpillow]

I'm sending you a big hug also. My mom I love very much, she tries bless her but she doesn't understand either. Sometimes exactly we just want to hug. We don't need somebody to dump more on to us when we're already feeling such a way

[Tealpillow in reply to Lve2dance]

I’m accepting your big hug and sending one back to you! Thank you for the kind words and support. It means a lot to me.

[Lve2dance in reply to Tealpillow]

Very sweet. I only wish that it was a real hug and not virtual. Because lately I could use a real hug right now

[Lve2dance]

Wow.. you're mirroring exactly what I go through here. Even though my family members some of them have anxiety or depression but don't admit it. I'm expected to act happy all the time even if I'm not. Like I'm choosing to feel a certain way just to make the person miserable. That's ridiculous. So I'm sorry for what you going through🙏

[bethelbee]

Do you have a therapist? If so, see if your spouse will come to a couple sessions with you and have the therapist talk to them. Obviously anyone who has not experienced true depression will never understand it fully. I personally do my best to educate others to help reduce the stigma. I totally understand where you are coming from..

[domkop in reply to bethelbee]

Thank you. I don't have a therapist and also unable to see one at this stage. I am on my own on this journey and appreciate the this site a lot

[bethelbee in reply to domkop]

Glad you are able to get support here.. BTW, I am 68..There's also an online Zoom support group on LiveWell foundation. I was on there at one point and they were very helpful. It's a peer support group(they actually have a few groups) with great moderators. Go to Livewell-foundation.org for more information. They are free.

[RemySue]

I am so sorry! Please visit/write here as often as you need to.

[car103]

When I was diagnosed at 22, my sister campaigned that I was faking mental illness for attention. This was extremely detrimental. Attention? I was truly suffering.

I needed acceptance and support.

I needed to feel and understand that my mental illness was not my fault; that it is manageable; and that I am still me and not defined by my illness.

Be clear. Depression is an actual diagnosable disease, just like Cancer is an actual disease. People do die from Depression just like people die from Cancer. There are Depression treatments and there are Cancer treatments.

Do not discuss your state of mind with ill informed, non supportive people. See your Doctor for Depression Screening. You may benefit from medication. Take care of you because no one will do it for you.

[Stippler]

My brother feels the same way about me. My Mother used to, but after witnessing the 30 year course of my schizophrenia, she feels differently about me than she had felt before. Like Thankfulforhelp22 said, it might be best to find other people who know better. You should find a lot of support here, but if it is not enough, perhaps you could go to group therapy? Before covid, I did and I benefitted a lot from group therapy. Never forget, your needs are as valid as anybody else's so don't give up. Best of luck to you.