I wish my future in laws would accept me..

[Screambaby]

To explain what I mean I have to give a bit of a backstory so you can understand why my future in laws feel this way. So I’m going to be honest about it when me & my fiancé started dating at first his family did really like me. They have said they felt that I was a good woman who’s independent single mom, has a good job & really thought that they sensed that I have a good vibe with them which was good to hear. Because I really did wanted them to know me & see how much I adore their son so much to a point where I thanked them for raising a gentleman. So fast forward to like 3 months into our relationship around Christmas Eve me, my daughter & him were invited to a Christmas party with my family which was a small get together we have to drink & play some games to win prizes. Even though I wasn’t really close to my family like that I did have a good time & as it was the end of all the games we played we all decided to just relax with us drinking & talking. My fiancé wanted to make an announcement to my family & out of nowhere he proposed to me. Of course I did bawled my eyes out with me screaming “YES!” & I gave him a huge kiss with an embrace. My family was very happy as well because they really approved of him, they loved that he was ambitious, very kind, very funny, really good with my daughter & they all can see how much he treats me like a goddess that I am to him. So after getting congratulated me, my daughter & my fiancé went to go over to his family’s house because we were going to sleepover to celebrate Christmas Day with his family. So when we got there I was of course over the moon that I’m engaged & my fiancé’s little sister comes to see us. She noticed right away that I was so happy & I instantly showed her my finger. His little sister was so thrilled & happy, but then his mom came because she overheard what I said. Then right away she kept asking him if it was a joke? Or are you being freaking serious?! So her reaction wasn’t what I expected but I did understood that maybe he asked too soon but the fact that she kept pulling him to the side a lot & kept asking him questions. Then his father walks in & his mom explained to his dad what happened. They both seemed very furious, but not too a point where they were screaming or yelling at him but their tone seemed very angry. So me & my daughter went straight to where his room was to give them some privacy to talk. As I was in the room right away I guess they went to go discuss the conversation at the garage & I knew they went to the garage because his room is literally next to it. So I can hear them talk about me but it wasn’t clear of what they were saying. So my fiancé would go to his room to tell me what was said & I understood that they were upset, but the things that they said about me really hurt me. They assumed so many things about me that they were trying to find any reason why I wasn’t good enough for him. Like in my past my ex baby’s father that I was with for 7 years he was mentally & sometimes physically abusive towards me. That why I left him because I couldn’t have my daughter thinking that was the norm for her, I refuse it & moved in back with my mom. & I was a single mom to my daughter even her dad is still in her life because even though he didn’t treat me with any respect at all but in my heart I know I couldn’t let my bitterness come between her relationship her dad. So he does see her every weekend or sometimes every other week. I have mostly custody of my daughter & I would have to work a lot but it was fine because I always wanted make sure my daughter was always taken care of financially. So anyways they assumed because I was a single mom & I had some trauma from my past because I was very honest with them whenever they asked me a question about myself & I wasn’t afraid because I’m usually an open book. They assumed that because of my past traumas that my fiancé only wanted to marry me because he felt sorry for me, that he’s trying to rescue me as a damsel in distress & that I was trying to be with him for his money because he’s a professional wrestler. Which they say to him to think about the fame & glory, & to not change his life for some dumb girl. It really did hurt me because I am not like that at all & instead of seeing how much I try so hard to make a genuine relationship with his parents. They assumed the worst. Now with his parents they know that we are getting married in October but his mom just instantly tells him it’s not gonna happen on her watch. Like his mom treats him like a child & I understand as a mom that she loves her son because it’s her first baby. But its overly protective & basically she has the attitude of “No woman is good enough for my son & that I’m the only woman that should be in my sons life” & even to the point where any girlfriend he had his mom would intervene. To the point where she would text them or call them to talk them out of breaking up with him. He wouldn’t even know until he found out. So you can understand where I feel like no matter what I do I won’t ever be accepted. It hurts & it makes me cry because for my wedding I do want a motherly figure to do these wedding things with me. Like my mom I couldn’t bring her around because she would put me down a lot, she’s not exactly very maternal with me & it’s just not that important to her. My dad isn’t even involved because our relationship is very complicated he really wasn’t even in my life a lot & he has different family someone else, so even if I wanted him I go he wouldn’t care to come. So when I wanted to have a good relationship with his parents & when they both don’t accept me. It breaks my heart because I just wanted someone that’s a motherly figure to be part of this journey with me & make me feel like I’m special to them & that they are happy for me. So that’s why I’ve been really sad lately because of this happening & it’s so much stress to the point where i am anemic & having to get blood transfusions every 2 months. So you can see why I’m so sad 😞

[Agora1]

Dear Screambaby, I read every word of your post and can only think just how sad

a situation this is for everyone concerned. As much as you love your husband to be,

if his parents don't accept you from the beginning, it's going to be a long hard journey

through life. Having a mother in law that doesn't accept any woman is good enough

for her son is a "red flag". What will happen when you get married? Since you have

issues with your own parents and now his, who will be there for you when and if

you have children. If you will not have a mother in law that means your children

if any, would not have a grandmother and grandfather.

As a mother myself, I would advise you to have a serious talk with your fiance.

Not so much thinking about the wedding but about the future. What will it be like

for you when he wants to see his parents and spends time with them. Would you

stay home? Would you go with him and be uncomfortable and anxious?

Hopefully this all works out for you but now is the time to figure things out before

you say "I do". I wish you the best. You deserve to be happy xx

[Screambaby in reply to Agora1]

Thank you I do try to tell him if he ever wanted to go hang out with his family he could & I would go with him to his family home sometimes. But I know i just feel like I’m always walking on eggshells with mainly her because I am not sure if I would do or say anything that would automatically upset her. I just know I would do it for him & for the sake of peace. I just know that when my children will be around them I do want them to know their grandparents because like I said I don’t think I could have the heart to not let them see them because she doesn’t like me. I just know that I just want everyone to be happy & I just hope one of these days I could have a heart to heart conversation with her.

[Agora1 in reply to Screambaby]

Screambaby, I think with how you feel, if you give it time, she may just

come around in seeing how happy he is. You have a beautiful attitude towards

this situation, I wish all of you nothing but happiness and peace. xx

[Screambaby in reply to Agora1]

Awww thank you I try my best