Self harm

[Cowboy01]

I'm divorced and remarried a amazing woman I have a daughter that's 11 from previous marriage and a 1 yo from current wife My ex called cps on me trying to take my 1 yo away cause I won a custody battle over the 11 yo and I'm depressed and I'm angry with everyone and I'm not mad at them but I take it out on them and now I'm on the verge of a divorce and I self harm and idk what to do anymore please help

[LoveforAll41]

Hi Cowboy, I am sorry that you have to deal with all of this. Someone trying to take your children is about the worst thing I can imagine.

It sounds like your current wife is great so I would try to express to her all of your feelings. Keeping things prioritized with her sounds like the best thing

I like therapy, I don't know if you are currently going to any counseling. A close second I think are the self help books by Dr. David Burns, "Feeling Great" then the first version of that "Feeling Good". Remember that we have a long time in life, even if things are rocky now you are going to have hopefully way more than 50+ years with your kids. Live and work now in a way that they will be proud of your integrity when they are old enough to appreciate it.

May you have peace, hope, and strength

[Cowboy01 in reply to LoveforAll41]

I have trouble expressing my feelings and I am trying but I will definitely check them books out and I appreciate it

[LoveforAll41 in reply to Cowboy01]

I too am married to an amazing woman. I don't like to share my feelings, especially when they are anxiety, depression, feelings of inadequecy, and worthlessness. I have these feelings overwhelmingly probably at least once a week, regularly on Sunday evenings before the Monday workday. I feel stupid expressing them to my wife all of the time, but all feelings are valid. "Feel the feels" as they say today. You have valid reason to feel upset and frustrated.

While we are powerless over our emotions ( I feel they are an instant subconscious reaction to the way we think about and perceive the world) we choose what we do with them. There is actually a group that applies the 12 step program to emotions called emotions anonymous. I haven't found a local group but I would bet you can get their book by searching emotions anonymous on the web.

[Cowboy01 in reply to LoveforAll41]

I have hurt her emotionally and spiritually and I hate myself for it and idk how to get rid of this anger and depression and it's worth looking into

[Tealpillow in reply to Cowboy01]

Oh man, I’m so sorry you are in this situation. Depression and anxiety make us do awful things. Even though I’m in my 30s I still harm myself when the emotions get too big. I used to be really bad but over time I have lessened the self harm by giving myself more of a hard pinch on my arm to bring me back down, rather than something more permanent.

If you are in the US I encourage you to use Dr. OnDemand to speak virtually with a psychiatrist (they can prescribe medication) or a therapist. Makes it so much easier and less daunting than going in person.

Keep us updated on your journey. Sending healing and positivity your way.

[WickNeo]

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say your family staying together is more important than your emotional needs, perhaps? Having just dealt with CPS three weeks ago, they just investigate accusations. Having a support team could help you close the case asap. That means, get a case worker, therapist, psych eval, psychiatrist, join a DBT group and marriage counselor as soon as possible.

I'm not saying any of this to be mean, or cast blame, but investigators from agencies know nothing about mental health issues and you might need a team to sort things out for you so you and your new wife get to keep your family together. ALSO, try mediation with the ex so you can cut down on the CPS calls.

I wish you the best of luck on your path toward wellness. It's a rocky road with potholes and orange construction barrels and no guard rails on the side of a sheer cliff, but hug the cliff wall and take the hand of the person in front of you to help you move along.

-WickNeo (a 53 yr old disabled, divorced, single mom raising a 9 yr old daughter with special needs, (my three boys from the marriage were taken from me but made it to adulthood) while I'm in grad school, fighting academia and a public school system with Major Depression Disorder, former cutter, Anxiety, ADHD, PTSD, Musculoskeletal chronic pain and mobility issues.

[catsrock]

I'm so sorry - that sounds incredibly hard. I hope you can find some relief soon. We're here to support you.

[designguy]

Sounds like you have a lot of anger and repressed emotions and don't know how to constructively deal with it. You would definitely benefit from working with a therapist to help you get in touch with your emotions and anger and help you understand them and process them. It will benefit you and your wife. A few things that helped me with repressed anger was getting in touch with it and beating the crap out of a pillow and venting it. You will want to mentally focus on who or what you are angry at while you are beating and venting. I also got a mallet and went outside and beat the crap out of rocks. Another good technique is to get in touch with your anger/emotions and write them out on paper, just let them flow and don't edit or worry about spelling, etc... and just vent them. You can just throw it away when done.

[Cowboy01]

I really appreciate all the support and all those are great ideas and Im starting on those right now! Y'all are awesome