A difficult day **TRIGGER WARNING** *... - Anxiety and Depre...

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A difficult day **TRIGGER WARNING** **self harm, overdose, suicide **

guitarfreak357 profile image
10 Replies

since lowering my dose of meds from 20 to 10mg of citalopram (since new year) today I was a difficult difficult day.

i had a difficult customer on the phone, who was very rude and argumentative. towards the end of the call I was nearly crying, my manager was listening into the call when she heard things were getting heated. after the call she asked me what happened. she came over and i literally couldn't speak i was holding back a massive breakdown. i literally said a rude word in frustration and my manager said go take a break.

i ran to the staff toilets hoping no one would see the tears appearing from my eyes, and I was literally crying soo hard I was wretching over the toilet. thankfully knowone else was in the toilet. i couldn't breath and I started to get anxious. after 20 minutes i was able to wash my face and act like nothing had happened. but when I walked back in the office a few people asked if i was ok, my close colleague could see it in my eyes id been crying. i don't know why but i just didn't want people to see me in that way.

i started feeling 'low' again on Sunday at a family get together. Im just hoping i can keep things together cos I don't know how many more times ill be able to pull myself out. i could go back to therapy but really dont want to. if i get signed off work like before mum and dad just don't get it and will tell me to find somewhere else to live. i feel weak and havent washed since saturday. there were moments at work yestrday where i thought I'd be better off taking an overdose of my meds so i wouldn't have to suffer. Im just not sure how I can make life more bearable? maybe it's the meds maybe it was just a bad day. can anyone suggest how to ease the constant headache?

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10 Replies
chaitealatte profile image
chaitealatte

Therapy works... I know it sucks but it has been the only thing that has truly helped me. Even over medicine. Just let your body adjust to not being on as high of a dose and take it from there. Just give it a month and see if your moods improve. But after that if its still not better, I would try to get back into counseling. Don't put your life on pause and let the depression/anxiety win. I did that and felt even worse about myself. Just keep on pushing and I know its so much easier said than done but it'll give you a sense of accomplishment.

Celtic27 profile image
Celtic27

Hi there I'm sorry to hear how much you are struggling due in part to one person's treatment of you ! The reducing of your meds could cause you to became suicidal especially if you were reducing them on your own without your doctors say so as they would be better positioned to tell you if it's a good thing to reduce your citalopram suddenly they might have suggested a better medication that might help you in the short to long term with your mental health issues! Don't try and treat your self always consult your doctor I truelly hope things improve for you take care david 🙏

That seems like a really fast reduction to 50% in a month?

Withdrawal comes with phases (look up Discontinuation Syndrome), the longer you’ve been on them the longer this drags on. It also depends on you individually of course. If this were me and what is happening is of grave concern for future days ahead, I’d put in an emergency call to my doctor.

guitarfreak357 profile image
guitarfreak357 in reply to

hi roxiedawn. yeah this is what the doc recommended. i may well refer back to therapy

majormedfan profile image
majormedfan

I had to undergo the exact same thing. I was on Citalopram and at one point Lorazepam. I decided that I no longer wanted to be on these and needed to learn how to deal with my extreme anxiety and depression without medication. I went through serious withdrawals during the course of the following week which caused extreme nightmares, mood swings, and suicidal thoughts. Once I pushed through it, I started to work on CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) and began taking Valerian Root and 5-HTP together, which at least brought me to where I was rational.

Of course, there is no one treatment that works for everyone. I have a great deal of empathy for what you are going through, as I have been exactly where you are now. Please push through the symptoms you are facing and start to combat your thoughts. You are worth it!! Sometimes it is like a war of our mind, but I promise you that it's a war worth fighting.

guitarfreak357 profile image
guitarfreak357 in reply to majormedfan

thank you majormedfan really means a lot! can the valerian root be taken as well as citalopram?

majormedfan profile image
majormedfan in reply to guitarfreak357

I used both at the same time, but I would definitely run that by your doctor first.

B4andafter profile image
B4andafter

Hi, I won't repeat what others have already written. It's very sound advice. In the past, I handled employee relations in a 400 seat call center and know that being a call center agent working with scripts, metrics and the requirement to clear the call within minutes to receive another incoming call is quite frankly, hell. It's a high demand, low control environment equalling "big stress" no wonder it brought you to tears. It doesn't help that you get rude customers but that's not a reflection on you. Don't beat yourself up or feel that they aren't responsible for their behavior. Those rude customers are frustrated and find it easy to vent their frustration on someone they can't see. I call it "verbal vomit".

If your employer offers an Employee Assistance program on how to deal with stress that would be helpful. One novel idea I'd read about is call center offering the services of professional chairside massage during employees lunch break. Usually it's about 15 minutes of massage/employee and the employer may pay all or some of the cost. This employer was progressive and understood the benefits in reduced absenteeism and disability claims. I hope my reply finds you feeling a bit better.

guitarfreak357 profile image
guitarfreak357 in reply to B4andafter

thank you b4andafter really means a lot! I've had a better says since then but i will be speaking to my companies assistance programme to see if they can help anyway

Katt826 profile image
Katt826

You are possibly weaning off of the citalopram too fast! Search for recommendations from groups specifically for getting off of antidepressants.

I had/have horrible side effects which are better with a slower taper. Mine will take 6-8 months. I dose 5 times daily. Don’t put up with the side effects.

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