I've hit a wall with my mental health

[Metastar]

I've been diagnosed with OCD, Anxiety, and several forms of depression for most of my life. Nevertheless, I have for the most part been able to press forward and do what I need to do, make and achieve goals, and otherwise function well.

I pushed myself very hard through my career. In particular I put myself through graduate school and got a PhD. During this period of time, I was in a major depressive episode and convinced myself that I would get my PhD no matter how painful it would be, and then my father died from a sudden heart attack. I worked continually for over a year afterwards in order to get the degree and get a good job.

Now I have what should be an ideal job for my background, and I am falling apart under the weight of not being able to be productive. None of my previous methods to cope are effective. I feel like a dishonest hypocrite for being employed, but at the same time feel that it is my duty to be employed.

I don't feel as if my psychiatrist, therapist, family members, or friends understand just what I am suffering with. Not even when I was an outpatient at an OCD and Anxiety clinic did I feel like I was understood. My OCD is heavily connected with ethical, epistemological, and existential issues. It is similar to scrupulosity, but otherwise quite untypical.

My depression is only escapable by going through severe anxiety and vice versa. I can't help but think about what I think, and think about how I think about what I think.