Need to be heard

[Existing]

I haven't been on here for a long time, but an email update caught my eye, and I remembered how much support I've always felt in these groups.Yesterday was one of those days I really needed ..something. ..someone to reach out to who undeestood.

I'm in my 60s and the first trauma hit me in my 40s like a wrecking ball in the center of my life, and then another and another in different places until every room of my life was completely demolished.

Ive been a pile of broken concrete on the ground now for about 7 years, in a town of dead people and hopelessness.

Ive managed episodes of serious depression all my life, but have had a death wish as long as I can remember. But until this all hit, I've been able to consciously make my life meaningful, which includes making a positive difference in what I can do to make the world a better place. Psychology, behavior, and mental health are what I know and love, but haven't been able to work for all the years of chaos, and now ... now??

Ive been 'ticking away the moments that make up every dull and painful day' for 7 years. Far too long, and I'm tired of denying my truth, which is that I just want out, to be done. I don't have kids or family, or really any friends, I can only go so long, trying to ignore the failure of every attempt to get out and up, dulling the deep pain of living until days like yesterday vomit out of me.

This town is like no other, and is the place that has made sure I have no hope. I can't seem to get out of here because of higher costs to live in other places, and without any help or support here to help me stay mentally strong, I'm a shining ship. I just want to be done with this material body and world.

Today, I'm not as raw, but its only a matter of time before I book a flight to Canada to be euthanized. That is the least I can offer myself: death with dignity. Thank you all for being here still.🙏

[Sillysausage234]

thank you for posting ,just wanted to say I hear you !

[Starrlight]

❤️

[Tara52]

I understand how you feel. I have been diagnosed with CPTSD and have had suicidal tendencies too. I blamed my neighborhood for not being supportive when my boyfriend took his life 6 years ago. I sat inside my house for a year afraid to come out. I had very little support . ( my son lives very far)Anyway I turned to Higher Power who I had always been afraid of because of the churches I went to in the past. This Divine Love slowly provided for me. I also found help with videos on YouTube for healing on CPTSD .

Don't give up yet! I know how tough it is but things can get better! I am praying for you dear one!💗

[Thankfulforhelp22]

Praying for you to have healing and renewed hope.

[stillstandingrosa]

I soooooo get it! I completely understand how you feel. I feel the same way.

[Existing in reply to stillstandingrosa]

My usual humor is sleeping, which is I'm about to do, but it always feels so wrong when someone let's you know they share the same cell in Hell with you, and it makes you feel soooo much better.. right?😘

[Shield_Of_Faith]

I'm praying things soon start to get better for you. I really honestly do!

[Existing]

I am just getting to read all your comments and support. It means so much, it really does. Thank you.