I’m a 40 year old woman who is struggling with bipolar2, borderline disorder, severe panic attacks each morning etc but the worst part is the loneliness and guilt I feel each day.
my best friend is distant from me due to me having outbursts complaining when she does talk to me … she doesn’t share what she struggles with because she knows I can’t help her but she was rarely supportive to me. I know she is toxic to me and I am not good for her but we still talk on occasion but our friendship has really declined.
Every time she distances herself from me and doesn’t talk to me for weeks I grieve the loss of our friendship and can’t recall any happy memories. I feel like each day repeats itself over and over again and I can’t seem to find my inner strength to overcome the loneliness and guilt of who I have become and how I am all alone now with no friends.
Since she has other friends she doesn’t need me as much. So I feel like she never really was my friend.. she tolerated me. She and her friend once said they tolerate me when I asked why they hang with me and that was years ago.
I used to be happier she said and she can’t deal with my negative energy but doesn’t officially end the friendship.
I call hotlines each day to lift a bit of loneliness off and it helps but I feel like I’m drowning and I can’t save myself.
Any advice? How to truly give up a friendship for over 26 years?
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reinventingmyself36
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It's very hard to end a friendship, especially one that you've had for so long.
I think you have to really consider what this friendship is doing to you and for you. If someone is pulling you down on a consistent basis it doesn't seem like a good idea to keep exposing yourself.
Another thought would be that when we don't feel good about ourselves we start blaming ourselves for their actions. That's another place where we drop our self esteem.
If you have a therapist this is def something you should explore
thank you for your insight. The friendship hasn’t ended completely yet. They’re just staying away until I’m ready to come back. They feel they are triggers for me and they’re right. So far it feels like the end. I feel awful with them and worse without them
For me it’s all about how I feel so low about myself and they don’t ever say that’s not true.. if I say I feel unattractive they will not say you are. My therapist agrees to set boundaries and spend less time with them or end it all together. But in mean time I have no other friends.
Thank you for your support. I hope you’re doing well. Have you ever been in such a position?
thank you for sharing your experience! It’s really a tug of war. For now we are all distancing ourselves and I prob will have to end it completely. Seems like the hardest thing to do
Hi. You’re certainly not alone, what you experience, despite being painful is a feeling we’ve all suffered. It’s easy to focus on the negative and forget those small nuggets of positivity each day.
From what you have shared your friend does not sound like a true friend. It’s important to surround yourself with positive, supportive people. Ruminating on this friendship won’t help, it’s a bold move to disconnect from someone you’ve known for a long time but if they make you feel the way you describe then it really is best to disconnect from my experience
thank you for your great insight. I can’t seem to function with or without them but best to stay away from them now. I wish I could meet a friend like me so I wouldn’t be so lonely. Hope your doing well
I was advising someone, only quite recently, on Giving Up Smoking, and advised he give Cigarettes a Clean Break...... I'm advising YOU, To DO The Same, To This 'Friend' of yours! YES a Very Toxic Friendship that is, Very Clearly, NOT Helping YOU One Bit. Ok 'Rant' over, now we can Talk.....
Do you not have any 'family', including old friends- perhaps Mary, from School.... or um, now what was her name ??? Oh yes Car- no wait Carolina, yes- from College. She always wanted you to 'Stay In Touch', and what's Twenty- Three Years between friends? Maybe Great Aunt Maud, the one from Dunfermline- or Old George, if he's still Alive, from Kent.... somewhere? Maybe even take Barbara, from the Next Road, 'Up' on her offer of 'Tea & Cakes Out'- Ok she's as Boring As Heck, and only ever wants to Talk about is her Grandchildren, all Twenty of them........
My Point is that You are NOT, I'm sure, entirely Alone - my friend- it's just that this 'Friend', the one you just Dumped, 'Blinded' you from Everyone Else!
'Put Yourself About A Bit' NO NOT 'THAT' Way, 'Go Fishing' 'Test The Water' 'See What's About'. Find out about Local Clubs, maybe even Look On Line- be Very Careful of 'Dating Sites' though, NOT All Bad not be any means BUT CARE IS Needed.
Above all Babe be 'Open' to new ideas, 'things' you may not have Tried before- Knitting/ Crochet, Pottery- actually very relaxing, and you get To Keep what you make. Origami, Painting, Ballet, Music, Kite Flying, Cooking- once again you keep the result, Good or Bad😬.
Hopefully I have managed to bring a Smile, to your lips reinventingmyself36- great 'Name' by the way, Start By Dropping That 'Friend', My Friend. Please know that Everyone Of Us, is sending, there
hi Andrew. It seems you have experience in this area. I think now I’m comfortable being alone. I don’t have anyone else that’s is healthy for me to hang out including family.
Thank you for your encouragement and great advice. I wish I could stop my bro from smoking and doing drugs but he’s as stubborn as me. Your advice is refreshing. For now I have dropped my toxic friends and if I do connect to them I will keep a healthy boundary. Right now I need to find myself again like myself otherwise how can others like me. Thank you
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