I don't know what to do. Everything is falling down. I'm failling. I'm relying on medication but I'm so done with this now. I was holding all this pain for long time and I don't want this anymore.
I lost my childhood, my school time. Now I am trying to make a hope for future. Isn't it a joke?
I'm a mess and I can't do anything. I'm losing my control and I feel, I'm coming to the end.
Hold on. Don’t do anything impulsive. Talk to someone about how you’re feeling like you did on here. In the USA 988 is a suicide hotline, not sure about what’s available in Australia. Let the feelings rise and fall and run their course. Stay away from doing anything to harm yourself.
I tried but it is not working. They just say some words and that's all. They can't help, I don't feel they are helping me. It's useless. I'm so done with these. But I'm trying, but I know I'm coming to the end of everything. I feel it.
You are in my prayers my friend please don’t give up. I’ve been there before and this to shall pass. Please call your local support group. ❤️
Archiere please reach out to some one or some mental health organization and tell them exactly how you feel. You are only 27 years old and things will turn around some day with the corect help. Sometimes we have to hit rock bottom before we climb up again. I remember when i had a breakdown 20 years ago, i felt my life was being dismantled and i had no control over myself, i was at the mercy of others to help. The nhs in uk did put me back together again. I was in torture but i held on and made it back. All this pain you are feeling is probably coming to the surface to be released. There will be an end to it eventually. There is hope for you & your future, i promise you but you need to talk to a sensitive dr who will listen and understand. Australia is a beautiful country with excellent treatment for you. You definatly need support reach out immediatly. Please please please! I care about your life and i dont even now you as many on here will too. Remember it is darkest before the dawn. This is a troubled world at the moment and many people are in turmoil. Do not give up the best could yet be to come. Be honest about how you are feeling & be yourself. You are a brave man. The world needs men like you.
How are you today?
I don't know anymore, how am I. I am praying for a cancer that can kill me. And I bought 120 incense sticks so I can make Carbon monoxide inside my room and go away. And I tried to find sleeping pills. I'm having images of I'm jumping into running train. I'm relying on medication but I hate I can't do this without medication.
Your life is precious. Stop all this madness. I know how no one wants to do this, but if this is what’s going to save your life, please go to a psychiatric ward. Or possibly call the psychiatrist or program treating you. Get some help. You don’t want to go out this way. I know it takes courage to ask for help.
It took a lot for me to realize at one point that I needed to be in an inpatient facility. It's safe and they can work with you on medications. Have you ever been in a hospital? Are you willing to do that to help yourself?
I never been to a hospital. I don't know what to do in there. I'm seeing a GP today. My psychologist asked me to ask for higher dose in my medication, so may be it will help I don't know. I'm trying my best but sometimes I really want to end all this.
Many people have to be on a medication, sometimes for their entire life, for a multitude of different conditions. Please don't hate that medication is what you need.
It's the hardest thing there is, to feel all that pain and *not* try to do anything to make it stop. To just endure.
As powerful as they are, our feelings can't end our lives. They need our mind, and our actions for that. Sometimes emotions seem like parasites to me. They suck us dry, sap our strength, makes our thinking run in hopeless circles.
I just hope you can block those hurtful feelings for a moment. You are here, and we all want you to be. Please trust us. You deserve everything good and bright in the world. You are capable of helping others. Try to seek out the help that is there for you.
My parents were always fought during my childhood. My dad's family hate me cuz of my mom. I had to go through family violence. I thought school will be a great place. But I realised I'm not like other boys. I was different. I had no I dea I was gay. When I was secondary school I realised it is shameful thing to be me. My culture didn't accept it. They saw it as a sin, and disgusting. When I was 12 my dark age started. And I was abused by teachers and students for all my school time. I was abused in all ways you know. I lost my soul.
I came Australia to start a new life but my past is haunting me. I can't be normal. I'm afraid of people, I don't want to do anything. I'm having nightmares.
My life is a mess and I'm tired of it.
(Sorry this is so long, I'm not very good at getting my point across in concise statements. I hope you don't mind.)
What you describe is incredibly hurtful for anyone to go through. No safe place anywhere, not in your home or with other relatives, not in school where both teachers and students abused you. It is so awful and wrong that this has happened to you. If the world was anything like what it ought to be, no one would be subjected to such horrible things...
But the world is very far from perfect, and it has much evil in it. As you know better than most.
So what to do now? All that you went through has left scars and open wounds inside your soul. I don't believe your soul is lost, but I think it tried to hide itself from all the pain. No wonder you are tired, with all the energy you have to put into just staying alive, and nightmares attacking you when you try to get some restful sleep.
It must be very hard, or impossible, for you to trust anyone right now. It is very understandable, even reasonable, that you are afraid of people.
This might seem silly (I am a silly person 😉), but how about plants and animals? They rarely hurt kind people. When I was young and felt lonely I would climb up my favourite tree and talk to her (yes, it was a she in my mind). I would have one arm around her trunk, pressing myself close to her while sitting on a branch. Trees are living things, and somehow this made me feel a little bit better.
These days I plant seeds and watch them grow, and take care of them. It makes me feel like I matter, it is comforting somehow. And animals, that is much the same thing. I'm not saying that you should run out and get a dog, but just watch the birds if there is a park nearby, or something like that. I really like insects (maybe I wouldn't if I lived in Australia!), spiders I can tolerate... barely. But shiny beetles and lovely butterflies, and hardworking ants, they are all interesting to watch. This world holds so much more than people. For me, it helps a little to remind myself of this, and just sit and be a part of all the living things in the world for a while.
You have seen your GP, did you ask for a higher dose of your medication? Please don't think it's bad to take medication. As downinthecrud said, many people have to be on medication all their lives. I take my medication daily, if I forget it, I have the weirdest dreams and I wake up exhausted...
Take care of yourself, I mean that literally. Take some deep breaths, eat an apple, take a shower, go outside, whatever can help you feel a little bit better. It takes practice to learn self-care, I've found out. Please try. And let us know how you are doing; we are thinking about you.
Firstly you need to start to change your current thinking, go to potentials unlimited get a download. try the relaxation one first then follow it with the self confidence one. When I was in crisis in my 20s these saved my life, and I was able to cope. PM me if you need more help.
I want to die
I just want to die
I just want to die
TRIGGER i feel guilty because I want to die
I am bad and I want to die 
