I can't eat, i can't sleep. Woke up at 6 am. At 8 am the landlord and his wife started cleaning my ex-flatmate's room and cussing and making noise that paniced me. In panic, i called a broker but she just paniced me more and scammed me. Said things are selling out fast and i have to give some money so nobody rents the place before me. I hope that she returns them to me. She said she will but in the contract it's said she won't. I was about to faint when she made me sign it. An hour explaining to me how at my limit I can't find a better accommodation and showing me options that were terrific. I get really triggered by places. Im thinking of staying here and begging her to return this deposit. I have to either stay here and buy a microwave or move out and buy a tv. I can't live without a tv. And i can't live at the places she showed me. And everyone is giving me advice on sales market and i stay there panicing. And if i move out i have to pay rent, deposit and commission and move all my stuff and adjust to a new place. But if i stay idk who will be put in the next room. The landlord said he will do it like a hotel instead of renting long term. The broker said "you will see when the landlord brings you immigrants". But i don't like the options for moving out.
I feel so inadequate. Im trying to do something and my brain is off. Traveling in the rain, hours outside, seeing terrible places, money, people talking to me about this, dad said i was scammed. These money were for me to go to doctor for my allergy. Im on critical since Sunday when i came back from family Easter (already triggered) and saw my flatmate's things are missing including cooking devices. Im even anxious that grandma gave me cooked food and i don't even want to look at it. People like brokers and dad giving me market lectures and i stay there panicing like they're talking in Chinese. I just want a place to live that doesn't trigger me. Im at critical. I went to the church. I asked for someone to talk to and the saling lady said her, i told her i can't go home because of parents, she said i should respect parents. I told her im struggling with accommodation, she just told me to pray. I prayed. Im on critical. I tried calling my proffesor and therapist but no response probably because of Easter break. Im really on critical. Im mentally ill, how am i supposed to find housing or stay here? I can't even pack my stuff and the thought of deposit and commission are panicing me. I want my first accomodation that i was kicked out of 😭
Im feeling very low and depressed
No one talk about what happens to your family after surviving a suicide attempt 
