So today's Sunday easter and we stayed till late yesterday because of easter and today had to go home from Grandma's house. Firstable grandpa called and woke us up to say he celebrated easter with his neighbour and his grandson was in the senior classes of my sister's school. I went upset. Not only woke me up but sett up sis (who is a lesbian btw) with some idk. Then the crazyness of luggage. Through the whole trip i was just depressed, i wasn't panicing, i wasn't crying (probably because of taking Clonasepam through intervals of time). It was really hard for me to eat and sleep normally. You know i struggle with sleeping and eating. And after eating i always felt miserable and needed day naps and was waking up through the night with nightmares. And mom and sis were to drop me in my university city and i was really sleepy and nauseous and tired. But then sis wanted to go on a walk around. Mom was nervous. I was tired. Them both saying "you both". Mom : you two are taking too long and too much money. Sis : you two are disoriented and walking like sheep and i have to take care of you. Im totally paniced and tired and nauseous - i can't orient myself. And the terrible loud music. Smell of food. People. I hate Bulgarian folk music to my guts. Litterary. I really really hate it. I felt so agoraphobic. If i wasn't scared of mom's reaction, i would have started crying. So damn agoraphobic. Where do i belong? And then i was really losing it. Got home, i thought how much i hate this place but how much i hate the other places as well. Mom went to the bathroom, i told her to close the door because i live in one room and the bathroom smells my soul out and asked her for something to clean. Mom tried to open the window and because i don't have space, she DROPPED EVERYTHING THAT was there including A HUNDRED Dollars Bottle of a perfume that i wanted since 2018. It's actually more expensive but i waited for discount and collected coupons to buy it. And the glass bottle broke and my 200$ perfume is on the floor and my carpet. And she just left. She didn't even realise she broke it because she walks like a barbarian. Probably there's glass on the floor but i don't even care, with my luck i will step on them. I have no energy to clean. I have no energy to arrange food and luggage. I will throw up if i see food. Especially my grandmother's greasy food
Update: Now i find out my flatmate took all his stuff, cooking gear and is probably moving out and I will have either no kitchen or have to pay for the kitchen. Wondering if it's because of me