My roommate messed up everything by triggering me. Messed my relationships with family. Granma offering me to go there

[Against_the_current]

Being here, away from family is best for me, mom said "i'm not chained here and can go to Grandma's or home" and it's a really tough Overthinking about so plus here i feel best. And now i gotta deside whether to go. Plus hte place is triggering and i better have gone when mom and sis were there.

Dad said 8 more months here untill i graduate . But i want to stay here.

I'm agoraphobic and triggered from my family

Now talking to my family got from my calm itme and no roommate time

[Hidden]

ya like a scared to death dog on the street....or from hard home....like his mind isnt racing or scared or ovr thiknig....

no....he or she......isnt going to "be instantelously one with the wolrd and 9th degree buddist monk in twnety seconds...ya right....

the scared animal is us we re srvivros and our alarms are going off...........

get ....it.......Brig what happens if my dad gets mad and cuts my funding..u ddint hear that( i did but ur point is right...didnt have time to addrss but yes.........we need.......to feel someone is

not only being supprtive but dialed in and gets our point...

valid !!!!~!

hey brig-

dont let the turkeys get ya down........say hi to th minions

hey.....thanks....i will...they are out inthe woods hiding and swingin on th grape vines i thik....but ill tellthem....

But ...u promsed me she would come and say hello and brush me......sooo wanted her to hi!!

[Against_the_current in reply to Hidden]

Exactly, i feel like a scared, abused, homeless dog with cars passing by. Hi horsey, good horsey

[Hidden in reply to Against_the_current]

see---ur the empath (too....tguess what...those goofy comics and pcitrues .....work****** - dont ask me how......i use pictures ......to keep me company.....we are looking

for solutions.....

i dont care....if i need a parrot like the old sailors on their shoulders

whoooooooo cares.............!!!!!!!!!!! i have pctures around my place tha5t insrei ena dcomfort or reassure me....like anyone...(the function o the family dog) ......whaterver works for people....i ...dont care

wish i had a gf.....or boy freind.....hey get a picture and put it onth wall liek the old days.......( i realized long ago why my sister had a poster of x person...and leaarned to shut up as an older protective brother...........my horse wihout a doub5 was a best buddy and helped my securt5y without knowing it.......toook me a while to realize........but who cares.....whatever makes person feel more secure.....thaats what wroks for me .....t c

cool cars i cant afford but. ....i can !!! drawing up!!!

[Against_the_current in reply to Hidden]

Pictures do help. I love memes and funny drawings. Family and photoes trigger me but i have posters of musicians i like and they're giving me life

[Hidden in reply to Against_the_current]

ya ...ike u dumped on me or threw it badk in my face or screamed at me......

not....

see......noting wrong with u

sensitive to stimulus like most good hroses

we teach our riders to quiet down....

WHATS HAT DAD YA I DID TLKS

lol....think we found whats goninog on.........

Brig.....my dad was lighthouse in former life...

well that illumtsinates things dont it...

brig u wait til he ;puts me under the spot light

NOOOO fun...

oooh ill bet......wwow

[Hidden]

drawing this strengthens me someohow....how it works...i couldnt

care .......less........my**** hidden ....guardian..........whatver works...is all im saying

tc

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Brig? no fence.....did a horse kick u today?

well ya im so old thats how i get jmp started eachday.......lol

[Hidden]

when i work with a horse....i have to really*** be with them...to hear them....

so as soon as i go in the arena.......i have to

center

clear my mind...(not because im wrong or anny neg - were all busey with our thoughts....but my job ....worknig withhorse is to

hear.....them...so i dont......misunderstand (to prevent injustices......)

so

before meetintg grandma...

stand......slow breath....and clear.......(my mind)

go in ....greet grandma....let my behavor of calm.....

be my .....

dont think waht5er happened...sorry i was nervous grandma...and

pretend like whole hing never happened....

just hold it toget5he4 as i can and then ...

excuse my self....

end or go find safe place to ......go throgh.** the nerves and

go through....the tension........will disipate.....

confidence will grow wi5h time

and practice.....

[Against_the_current in reply to Hidden]

Thanks, needed to hear this. I feel like a scared horse