My kids add to my anxiety

[gunnersun]

I love my children dearly and would do anything for them. However, they ratchet my anxiety levels up 20 fold. I ask or tell them to do something, it either doesn't get done or they do it in the dumbest way possible, and half-ass it on top of that. Even then, to get them to do their chores in a timely manner, I have to stand over them, threaten them, or completely lose my mind for them to take it seriously. I'm exhausted with it. My wife doesn't engage them except when they cross a line for her. I do 90% of the parenting and again, I have to lose my mind to make anything happen. I already feel like a sub-par dad, but having to yell makes it sooooo much worse. there's other factors, but i'm at the point where there's so many factors that I can't deal with it.

[EndUser13]

We all have our limits. Your situation sounds frustrating. I've had enough PTSD related situations where being nagged brought out the rage that is constantly sleeping inside of me. I try my best to learn from my flaws, but I don't let them define me. Just food for thought. Learn from what you can and try not to be too hard on yourself for occasionally being human

[SayNOtoPanic]

Take it easy on yourself. You’re def not alone. There’s a good book How to talk when kids won’t listen. You can check it out on audible if you like books on tape or paperback. Try not to let it get to you too much, you’re there and putting in the work. Deep breaths!! Sending u good vibes and prayers up.

[LilyAnnepuppy]

How many children do you have and what are their ages? I imagine you’ve said so in previous posts, but I haven’t checked.

I only had the one daughter. And a friend of mine told me once that she’d rather have dealt with her five boys than to have to deal with Cathy. That may qualify me to say I identify with parent frustration.

I don’t have any tips. I’m sorry. Other than just getting through the day doing the best you can. I believe that I was given the gift of a child to raise. But she was only on loan to me. At some point she would go out into the world to live her life. I gave her as many tools as I had (and that she would accept).

Good luck. And be gentle with yourself and them.

[gunnersun in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

I have 6. 5 of them are girls. 2 live with my exwife. I absolutely agree with what you said about tools. That has always been my thing.I don't care about them having games or phones. I want them to learn to do stuff without someone standing over them.

[LilyAnnepuppy in reply to gunnersun]

That’s what I tried to do. Getting them to use them is the powerless part.

[metalminded]

I understand! I have only one child but that is what I experience with him all the time.

[Hidden]

I have three sons and can tell you that yelling gets you nowhere. The more you yell the less effective you become. They are not listening. I have always been the diplomatic over explainer with my kids in trying to get them to understand why they needed to do something. Problem is, they don’t care why. My husband is a man of few words who gave them a look, a couple words, and walked away. This was always more effective. Bargaining became a big tool for me. If they didn’t want to do their chores then the Xbox, etc got taken away. Worked wonders every time. Be firm and consistent. Good luck to you.

[Tigerlilly7]

Hello

Parenting is difficult sometimes.

I’m struggling today with my child, being disrespectful and well basically being a bratty teenager.

Just want you to know you’re not alone and even though we love our children they test us sometimes.

Take some time out for self care if you can.

[Midori]

Hi, Gunnerson,

I would suggest that, if you can bear to; ignore the junk for a week, let it build up, THEN insist they do it!

It worked on my kids!

Cheers, Midori

[OftenSad]

Has anything helped?