Coping isn't coping

[Against_the_current]

Drives me nuts when someone tells me to turn my mental illness into art, writing etc. I would if i could. But it's called a mental illness for a reason. I can't listen to any reason rn. My brain is just vomiting. I can't mentally eat anything. Mental illness isn't something to make profit of. Mental illness is not something to put on display and take pictures of. It's not something to sell. It's not an artistic fuel. It's just pain. It's hell. Back to school the school advisor would tell me to turn my pain into art. I tried so hard but i can't even write a coherent sentence. My thoughts are distorted. I can't draw no more. School advisors only care about the gifted kids and trophies. So does society. You tell them your brain is a scredder, they tell you Dance monkey. Entertain me with your pain. Turn your pain into capital. When i feel like my brain is minced meat about to ....i forgot the word in English... it's even worse because my brain is screaming at me in three different languages. If it starts in latin, im calling an exorsist. Oh hold up, im an orthodox

[Marysblue]

Most people don't understand depression.

[CocoaBlanco]

I know your feeling. what I create in time of pain is just painful, and people without mental illness don't understand it isn't the same as controlling their blue mood. I am at the point where sometimes I have to re-read what I write a few times before I think I have my point across, just to realize I don't. Sure, you can sling some paint, write words of rage, but what does that accomplish other than make a mess or waste a bunch of time. Maybe those people don't think of a financial profit, but a way for your spirit to profit. Maybe it is not art, or writing that will bring you up, maybe it's a matter of finding another diversion of negativity, or source of positivity. If it is gratitude you need, go to the cancer ward, visit your local jail, spend a few days on the streets. Your last statement is like hope from Pandora's box, you show your sense of humor, focus on that. I can barely walk after a broken neck, people were laughing at me because I can't jump. I literally cannot make both of my feet come off the ground unless I am sitting. It sucks, but I get to guilt trip the asses laughing at the cripple.

[Against_the_current in reply to CocoaBlanco]

Actually hearing "others have it worse" is even worse than "make art out of pain". See ur point and am grateful for it but i don't feel better knowing others suffer and also i feel invalidated in my own experience and feelings

[CocoaBlanco in reply to Against_the_current]

I deeply apologize for your reaction, but I never said, nor intended to infer others have anything worse, situations are purely individual. I merely meant to open your mind to the things you are grateful for. In my personal experience, when I have felt similarly invalidated, it signaled a shift in my consciousness. Improving my concept of relativity has not beaten my numerous psychological maladies, but it has given me a lens with which to roast a few ants.

[Against_the_current in reply to CocoaBlanco]

I understand, just im too lost rn

[Artistfriend]

I agree with CocoaBlanco, the art is about expressing it so you can see it better and to get it out of your head. Seeing our pain on paper or in different ways helps us to understand it and relate to it differently. I would suggest having help working with it though because it takes some experience to understand our own images

[Against_the_current in reply to Artistfriend]

It helps sometimes but i feel bad when i want to do it and end up wasting paper and time. I love art and i feel really bad when i can't express myself. I appreciate your points, just exactly art is supposed to make me feel better, to get it out, i stay there trying to create something to ease my pain and end up blank. And im mad at myself for being blank while i feel so much. Im just mad at myself, i appreciate you all

[Artistfriend in reply to Against_the_current]

I understand brother, take it from an artist, theres no such thing as wasting paper or time for that matter, its what we do 😊

Maybe youre trying to hard to create something and not just letting whatever needs to come out, it isnt always about feeling better, it can be just allowing yourself the time and opportunity and space. Maybe visual art isnt the right thing maybe you need a different form?

[Against_the_current in reply to Artistfriend]

Thanks for understanding. I appreciate it. Yeah, im experimenting. I feel really bad i forgot my pencils at some girl's house and i could at least color books. I live in just a room that's already really messy and clagged so i don't have any other art supplies than these pencils. I usually would do watercolor but no space. Thinking of sketching but im not good at it

[Artistfriend in reply to Against_the_current]

Its never about being "good", hang in there

[Against_the_current]

Yeah, humour is such a coping mechanism of mine that i do it even in unfitting situations