Any of you here familiar with the Walter Scott case? It was one of those cases where a police officer gunned down an unarmed African American? Well yeah, I was watching MostAmazingTop10 on YouTube with Danny Burke as the host and on this particular "Top 10 Most Insane Mysteries Solved By Reddit Part 2" video he mentioned the case. It was titled "The Shooting of Walter Scott". Why does this bother me? I was given an opportunity to perform with this band in place of one the members who could not make it. The band director gave me his name to use so I could get in. What is his name you may ask? Scott Walter....I don't find this funny nor do I find it as a coincidence and Hearing that it is such isn't helping. There's just been too many lately and I posted about a series of them a little while back. They continue to add up more horrifyingly and gruesomely. I've deleted most of my social media and I'm only trying to become better and live happily but I can't do that with shit like this. It's as if the world is playing games with me and the universe finds it funny. I'M BEING TORTURED! and now.....I am starting to consider suicide if it means that I can off myself before any other worldly or earthly cause can....CAUSE I CANNOT KEEP SUFFERING LIKE THIS! It's taking over my school! I can barely leave my dorm!! These OCD Traits are taking over I hate repeating all these actions just to try to stop something or anything from happening! It's driving me mad. It already screwed up my work! My production never improved because of this. I had to keep changing boxes because whichever box I selected would bring harm for some ungodly reason that doesn't quite make sense to me! Idk what to do....My situation back home isn't really much better....That time I had to run for safety? Remember that post? It's stuck with me. I'm scarred from all the pain I went through in the year and a half to two years that I dealt with my mom and her now ex boyfriend.....But yet I cannot escape the fear and anxiety....I'm sick of being worried and I'm sick of silently suffering....My mom said to me after everything happened "I'm sorry I got us into this mess"....That sends horrible chills down my spine. This is terrible, Just what did we get into the middle of? Will I even survive it? I'm scared guys....and now you know what goes through my mind everyday...all day
This Isn't Funny Anymore.... - Anxiety and Depre...
This Isn't Funny Anymore....
I hope you are receiving treatment for your OCD. If not, please see your doctor very soon to get started.
Nope and it isn't quite being taken as serious as it needs to be. I don't have a car so I have to walk or catch a bus to see a doctor and that's very difficult given school/college and extracurriculars
Who exactly isn't taking this seriously? From your last post, you appeared to be close to a breakdown. In that case, you definitely need medical help - now. When I mentioned this, you replied that it's too much of a bother because you're busy with school and other activities. Something doesn't add up here.
What doesn't add up?
In your post, you said things like I'M BEING TORTURED! and I CANNOT KEEP SUFFERING LIKE THIS! This calls for immediate medical intervention. But when I mentioned this, you said, in effect, that you're too busy with school to get treatment. So, which is it? Are you on the edge of a breakdown, or are you getting along okay?
I'm forcing myself to get by.
I have read some of your previous posts, and I see that you have major problems at home, and that you fear for your mother's safety. I'm very sorry about all that. All I can say is that, regarding your own emotional health, I strongly recommend that you seek treatment for your illness. Whether or not you do it is up to you. When I was your age, I kept avoiding treatment too, and kept hoping that it would all somehow just go away. It didn't. I was hoping you wouldn't make the same mistake that I did. I will keep you and your mother in my prayers. Good night.
Look I don't want to scare you but we are here to learn from others experiences right. I read all your posts and your behavior and thought patterns mimick mine right before I had a complete breakdown and psychotic episode. I was under great stress and I snapped. I had repetitive thoughts, phrases ocd type behaviors. I'm not diagnosing you but be aware and get some help please, for your own good. I also believe you need to get out of that home. I understand you want to keep mom safe but it she won't help herself she's only putting you in danger and if you read the news you'll know it happens quite often that kids pay the price when living with or being exposed to a parents abusive partner.
I am not in that house any longer. I stay on campus or with my grandparents now during breaks. I had a breakdown back in November/December and It was scary when I came down from it. But I just want to live and Right now, I'm afraid I won't get that chance
Good. I'm sorry I am not better informed. Why wouldn't you get that chance now? You are so young and in school even.
Because people carry weapons....and that was what drove me out of my mom's house
People in general or someone in particular!? You don't have to say. Maybe there's a way to avoid those people.
Someone in particular supposedly but, Also can't trust anyone out there
True. I'm sorry you are in fear. You can go to police but I know how that can be too. Just don't hang around alone or in areas where they might be if possible. I will pray for you.
HeyThatKidd, as the title of your post says "This isn't funny anymore"....I agree.
You joined this forum on Valentine's Day, 3 years ago. I have been writing you for
the last 2 years. I feel like I've lived your life situation through your eyes starting
with a medical condition. From there it went into the harrowing journey of danger
and suspense in your family. No matter what was recommended to help you and
your brother is never seemed to be the right answer. The responsible young man
you were wanted to protect your mother at all cost, including your own mental health
which was going down hill because of fear and stress.
You are a very bright young man. Tonight I went over your posts from the last 2 years.
I've seen your fear and OCD escalate and yet you still have not reached out for mental help. I do remember reading about the Walter Scott case on the internet. Your post
tonight was very honest and forthright in letting us know how your life situation doesn't
seem to improve and allow you to be secure. You live in fear everyday. You live with doubt and mistrust with a particular person as well as people in general.
My heart has always gone out to you. No one should lived in the state of fear that you
are. I've come to the conclusion that you need mental help right now. What happened
several months back when you said you were going to the ER that night? Did you go?
Did the doctors suggest therapy?
I am going to take a step out of my comfort zone by asking you a question. If I'm wrong
then I apologize. Something just isn't right about your story. You are too well read and
I'm starting to wonder if you are actually writing a book. You know I care and I support
you and want nothing more than for you than to be safe. x
I tried to go to the Emergency Room but It's damn near on the other side of town and I didn't know how I'd get all the way there. I think I'm gonna find a friend that may be able to take me. And here's the thing, I've always been this well read and I've always tried to explain everything as clearly as possible so others are not confused. However, some recently told me I should look into poetry and maybe write about what's been going on. But I gotta heal before I can write anything of the sort....I'm still just afraid I won't make it especially now with the Walter Scott, Scott Walter situation
HeyThatKidd, I think that would be a great idea to find someone who can take you
to the Emergency Room. It's got to be all about taking care of yourself first. I think
you are confident in yourself however your life situation keeps your mind running
in circles and getting no where. I think it's a great idea for you to write in what has
been going on. You know you aren't the only young man going through these doubts
and fears. You may become a mentor for others struggling with fears and insecurity.
I will say that it is eerie regarding the Walter Scott, Scott Walter situation. But you are
not that person. What we fear keeps us from growing emotionally. Start with getting
help for your mental issues and once you do it will open doors for you that you didn't
think possible.
I believe in you Kidd. We need more young men like you in the world. I support you. x
Is that statement just eerie or are we merely overlooking the severity of it?
It is eerie that the name would be the same and yet reversed. However Kidd,
the thing with anxiety is that we have to learn how to let go of these situations.
If we don't it just keeps escalating in our mind and we become paralyzed with
fear that doesn't even exist. The band director isn't a threat to you, his name
sent up red alerts when you heard it. If his name were John Smith, it would
have gone unnoticed by you.
Yeah, indeed it would have gone right by me. But that's the thing IT'S THE SAME NAME REVERSED! (not out of anger but out of shocking realization and fear) and it's that fact that makes me think something is up and it's not deniable how weird that is. We may be two different people but that doesn't guarantee we won't have the same fate
With all respect, I think that's stretching it a bit. In life, we have to pick
and choose what we worry about so that our fears don't overtake our lives.
I think once you get some professional help, your life will settle down a lot.
And this will have to be one of those things I choose to worry about because it hits way too close to home....It can't just be ignored
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