Wondering if i can bear EMDR

[Against_the_current]

I know it's good for ptsd which i have and my therapist suggested it but im not really stable and we both are not sure

Been so tired from psychology university and therapy that i slept all day. Again messing up my sleep schedule

[Starrlight]

listen to your intuition. Maybe it’s too much right now or maybe it will help pull you into a place where you’d like to be. I am the same way about a suggestion by my psychiatrist to go to a woman’s center for OCD issue, I am doing a lot right now too but I’d like more help it’s just hard to stretch myself out any further.

I’m also on a messed up sleep schedule from not sleeping much some nights I think I only got like 3 hours last night but I didn’t sleep today so I will hopefully sleep tonight. Good luck with your sleep (((((((((((((((Againsttgecurrent)))))))))))))

[Against_the_current in reply to Starrlight]

Hugs. Thanks for the advice

[Starrlight]

p.s. You could try weighing the pros and cons

[Hidden]

I'm assuming that, since she suggested it, she told you what it involves? If not, I would ask her. I like Starrlight's suggestion of doing the pros and cons. If I were you I'd do both of these and then make your decision.I did EMDR last year. It wiped me out for 6 days afterwards.

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

why do you think it wiped you out? Was it also helpful at all?

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

It was both very helpful and very intense. In order for it to work, I first had to "re-live" the trauma. It felt like I had bad jetlag for 6 days afterwards.

[Against_the_current in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for the information. I really needed to know this. Knowing my trauma, i will be in K.O. for like two months

[Hidden in reply to Against_the_current]

Hi dear,

Following is my "report" on the EMDR process. This is an email I sent to someone after the fact. One discrepancy I've noticed between the actual thing and seeing an online demonstration is the positioning of both me and the therapist. I watched a YouTube demonstration where the patient and therapist were facing each other. When I got to my session, the therapist had our chairs touching and diagonal to each other for the process itself. Seeing these words written down brings up a funny memory of me doing imaginary battle with the therapist. Once we got done with the preliminaries (described below) and were ready to start, she pulled her chair up to mine. It was diagonal. She then thought of something else she needed to tell me before we got started. I took the opportunity to re-position my chair so that I was directly facing her. Once she finished, she re-positioned me back to a diagonal. I was thinking, "hey! This isn't how I saw it demonstrated!". She could tell I was confused, so she explained why the diagonal positioning. Everything is explained below:

"I'm still recovering. It feels like I have jet lag. I also feel pretty weak emotionally and mentally. My eyes feel like they got a workout. I'd rather share what I've written, though, because I have noticed that talking about it exhausts me. This is a great sign for me! It means that I truly believe that I deserve to move on.

EMDR is a process, complete with steps (this needs to be done before this can be done, etc). In preparation for our session, I needed to solidify a safe place to go in my mind. This was to be a place I could go during periods of overwhelming emotion. The first thing the therapist had me do was describe this place in detail. She then rehashed what EMDR is and what it does. It is a help for the brain when that brain is having trouble putting aside a psychological trauma. Through a series of eye movements back and forth (following her fingers), the brain hemispheres communicate to lessen the damaging effects of that trauma. She told me that this was not her helping me. This was my brain helping me. She started by having me tell her what I wanted to focus on while she took copious notes. She then had me come up with a one-sentence, positive belief about myself that I wanted to focus on. Since this entire thing is about belonging and being worthy enough, "a worthy person who belongs" is what I came up with. This belief had slowly been "destroyed" with every new thing I was taken out of (close-contact volunteering, the worship committee, Al-anon). The timing of being taken out of each of these three things suspiciously coincided with a positive action I had taken to set a self-respecting boundary for myself. Each of those boundary settings came after I had the thought, "what a minute... Something's not right here. I'm not comfortable with this. I'm going to change the script". With each setting of a boundary, instead of being met with "ok, I respect that", I had one more thing taken from me that I had belonged to. This happened enough times for my brain to make the association that I just didn't belong. Not only did I not belong, but it was not okay for me to set boundaries for myself.

After I explained all this, she had me decide what kind of image I wanted to imagine as a way of distancing myself from the trauma. She said that some patients like to imagine it as a movie they are watching (instead of it happening to them, they are watching it happen in a movie), while other patients like to imagine themselves on a train and having everything go by outside the window. I picked the latter.

Armed with what I wanted to focus on, a positive belief that I wanted to have about myself, a distancing image, and a safe place in my mind, we started the stimulations. She had me sit close and diagonally to her instead of sitting right in front of her. The reason for this was because I was not to focus on her but on her fingers that were going back and forth in front of me. She said she was going to stop frequently so that I could tell her my thoughts and feelings as they came up. She made sure I knew that it didn't matter if they had nothing to do with the trauma; she wanted me to tell her anyway. She also said that she would remind me along the way that it's been a year since the trauma, that it happened, and that it's not happening now (said because when I think about my trauma, I am actually feeling it with the same intensity as when it happened). Then she started the stimulation. We almost had to stop after the first one because everything hit me at once. I remember gripping the chair and crying and breathing heavily. It was incredibly intense. Imagine having almost a year's worth of trauma hit you all in one moment. She talked me through getting back to breathing and feeling safe. She had me look around the room so I could see that I was safe from danger. I felt her touch my knee to "bring me back". She had me go to my safe place in my mind. Once I was breathing normally and told her she could continue, we continued. She "went down the line" of troublesome associations, having me pair each of them with something positive. Earlier on in the pauses in stimulations, I told the therapist, "I can't believe this is working". Someone asked me later what I had meant by that. What I meant is that the memories were starting to fade/become fuzzy. I remember what I said after the second to last stimulation. I said that I wanted to go to the hospital and be with others. She clarified this for me by saying that I wanted to belong. She took this as a good sign! I had crossed into the "I am worthy and want to belong" territory! After the last stimulation I remember saying rather loudly, "I want my mom to tell me I belong". She asked who I was talking about. Instead of saying my mom, I said this woman's name. That's how strong of an association my mind had made. I remember her gently saying, "well, she is not your mom". I then remember a peace that I know as mom's presence envelope me. Mom was hugging me and telling me, "I am so sorry you were hurt". With that feeling, I was on my way to successfully separating mom and this woman. My mom cares. My mom never kicks me out of things. My mom wants me to belong. My mom is a good person. I am a good person. This other person cannot be my mom because she did things that made me feel the opposite. I left completely calm.

The process is nothing short of miraculous. It is a fascinating concept: the brain capable of creating such psychological trauma and the brain capable of healing that trauma are one in the same."

[Against_the_current in reply to Hidden]

Wow, Norw, thank you so much!

[Hidden in reply to Against_the_current]

You're welcome, my dear!😊

[SoporRose in reply to Hidden]

Wow: What a gift your story is! Thank you so much for sharing that with us and what a fascinating process you describe. I admire the courage it took to start the therapy and to explain to us through what you went. And I am so glad you found some healing! That's fantastic.

Do you have to go back to re-do the therapy to maintain the change?

[Hidden in reply to SoporRose]

You're welcome. I did have a follow-up about a month afterwards as a check in to see if it was successful for me, how I was feeling, if I felt more was needed, etc. Since I reported to her that it was successful and enough, we haven't repeated the process. One of the things I've both heard and read is that the number of times it's done depends on the patient's needs (some only need one session while others might need more).

I had forgotten to add to my experience the following:

Just because I had EMDR, it does not mean that the memories are gone. They are still there. The difference is in what is now connected to those memories. What I mean by that is that I now see them either through a train window, or I have my positive belief ("a worthy person who belongs") attached to them.

[SoporRose in reply to Hidden]

I am so glad to read the therapy worked so well for you! It's heartening to know that the therapy is patient-centered, that the therapist bases the number of sessions on individual patient's different needs.

Your coda is also important. I doubt the therapy would work if its goal was to eliminate the memories. I am very grateful to you and the others (JenHasRA and Hiccup1228) for giving us some concrete, personal narratives to inform our decisions.

Ruth

[Hidden in reply to SoporRose]

Thank you!

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

oh wow interesting thanks for sharing

[SoporRose in reply to Hidden]

Can you explain more about how it was helpful? I think it might help AtC to make a pros and cons list if she knows how it helped and how quickly. During the time you had "jetlag," were you able to function? Are you glad you had EMDR?

[Hidden in reply to SoporRose]

Sure. I wrote a summary of the process and my feelings. I'll see if I can find it and get back to you guys.Yes, I could function. I just couldn't do a whole lot at once. I do remember taking a lot of naps. I am very glad I went through it.

[SoporRose in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much!

[Hidden in reply to SoporRose]

It's above if you are interested.

[SoporRose]

I found some videos on YouTube that might help you make an informed pros and cons list.

This one seems to describe your kind of experience and emphasizes how quickly EMDR can provide some relief:

youtube.com/watch?v=1IPsBPH...(Not working as expected?)

Here's one that describes EMDR in a quick overview:

youtube.com/watch?v=hKrfH43...(Not working as expected?)

This one shows an actual session:

youtube.com/watch?v=M2ra8p4...(Not working as expected?)

I was struck by the way the therapist broke up the session into manageable parts that kept the person undergoing the therapy from feeling overwhelmed.

I hope these help. I wonder if another question is when to try this therapy — is it better to try it now when it might help you to get through your semester (and life) or better to wait until right after you graduate? Will you have as many resources at your disposal when you graduate as you do now? For instance, will that helpful professor still be available to you after you graduate?

These questions are a lot to try to think through when you're still enmeshed in getting through school and if they're too much to ponder now, put them aside. I don't want to add to the pressure you feel.

Ruth

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

Thank you Ruth! Helping me a lot as always!

[SoporRose in reply to Against_the_current]

You are very kind. And I so hope you can a find a way through your trauma soon. I think you'll be capable of doing some great things once you can breathe!

[JenHasRA]

Your post has touched me. Saying a prayer for your healing right now. I know 2 people who have used different types of this treatment in the past 6 months. They both had instant relief of their mild-moderate symptoms. I know there are different methods. I know it also helped my father with a moderate-severe episode of depression he was experiencing. He has passed on now. I remember him telling me that he didn't want to do it because he didn't think remembering 50 year old traumatic memories would help him. It went against what he had been doing all of his life. He used the light bar, he had more than one session, and he said it simply worked. When I used this treatment we started with simply reducing my anxiety (thoughts and physical feelings). We then took errant thoughts/memories and processed them in manageable bites. Maybe you will start this treatment in the same way. Possibly your counselor can help you feel a measure of confidence that you will be move ing forward with safety as you try this technique. Is your counselor saying they are unsure about how to use the treatment - or are they saying they can't say how exactly it will work for you? After you rest, you may have other insights about this idea. Keep me posted if that feels right to you.

[Against_the_current in reply to JenHasRA]

Thank you for understanding me and standing by my side

[MaggieSylvie]

It's a very good thing that your therapist is on the same page as you. Relax; you can do it when you feel ready. I hope you get back to your normal sleep pattern, but if you slept all day, you probably needed it.

[Against_the_current in reply to MaggieSylvie]

Thanks, needed to hear this

[Against_the_current]

Thank you so much everyone!!! 💕💕💕

[Hiccup1228]

I had my first EMDR session last week, and while it did help in the moment, I have been feeling heightened anxiety and depression this past week. The day after, I had an intense panic attack out of nowhere and for 4-5 days after, very severe depressive episodes with heightened anxiety. Almost like I was in despair. I’m saying this NOT to discourage you, but to give a different perspective other than it being a 100% guarantee to make things better after 1 session.

I will add, my husband sees the same therapist and underwent EMDR with her as well and one session helped him tremendously. Because if this, when she suggested it I agreed without knowing anything about it, what to expect, or how it would make me feel during/after. We were unable to complete the session due to time constraints, she didn’t talk about a safe space with me at all, and I think both of those have contributed to how I was after. She has seen me with my husband in the past for marital issues but this was her first time seeing me alone for my past trauma, so I’m not sure if she just thought we had been over these things before or not.

I do love her as a therapist, though, and will be going back today. I’m unsure if I want to continue with the EDMR at this moment though. I can’t guarantee it’s what caused my panic attack/increased anxiety and depression as I have a lot of other things going on as well AND had just started a new antidepressant that day, but it was enough to worry me about future sessions.

I also did some research and read that everything I experienced can be normal after an EMDR session, but nothing that explains how long it can last or anything like that.

[Hiccup1228 in reply to Hiccup1228]

Adding that it seems everyone else has had better experiences than I did, so chances are it wasn’t done right, or my increased symptoms were a result of something else!

[SoporRose in reply to Hiccup1228]

It's so hard when one has several strands of different conditions to tease them apart and figure what is causing what and when to treat these conditions as separate issues and when and how to treat them as parts of a system. If you are comfortable doing so, please let us know how you are doing as you go along.

[Hiccup1228 in reply to SoporRose]

It really is! I’m actually on my way to see her now. Last week she said she wanted to do it again this week, but I don’t know if I’m up for it. If I decide to continue with doing it, I’ll definitely let you know how it goes!

[SoporRose in reply to Hiccup1228]

Even if you decide against doing more EMDR, I'll still be interested to know how you are.

[Hiccup1228 in reply to SoporRose]

We decided to put it on hold for now. I’m in a very rough spot and we decided it would be in my best interest to hold off continuing until I’m in a better headspace. She said it was possible it led to the panic attack, but after talking awhile she thinks it’s the other stressors in my life causing everything. So after we address current issues, we’ll focus on healing old traumas!

[SoporRose in reply to Hiccup1228]

Your therapist sounds both sensible and compassionate. I am sorry, so truly sorry, that you're suffering through rough seas now. It's painful and frustrating and so many other emotions. It takes courage to grapple with these issues and feelings and voices we carry around that undermine us. Please let us know if we can help support you through your journey and (again, if you feel like doing so) let us know how you're doing as you go along.

Ruth

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

Thanks for being so carring to us

[Against_the_current in reply to Hiccup1228]

Thanks for the information from first face 🙏

[Teaching]

Give yourself some time. I tried it years back but it was a bad idea then. I'll like to try it again in future. Please give yourself some time before going into it.