Anxious. Feeling bad about my parents. Health errors

[Against_the_current]

Im having mental and physical health errors. Im always tense and anxious, feeling like some drama is going on with my parents. Numb yet irritatable, like a sleeping volcano. Always anxious. Seasonal depression. Spring ptsd flashbacks. Acid reflux. Sinus infection. Some bladder plobably problems. Idk infection or sand. Tried to text dad to ask what meds to get, he didn't respond and i spent on what i thought would help. Now he responded and i feel anxious from talking with him and for ignoring me to be with his new family and thinking what he thinks about me and anxious cause I already bought meds and he tells me to run tests which is stressing and costs money. I shouldn't have texted. Yesterday mom texted me to thank me for saving her from troubles with grandma, i replied and she didn't. Still hasn't. Im so worried. Despite all my health issues, i feel like that anxiety is the biggest torment. And depression but anxiety at most. My therapist says i get sick to get my parents' attention. Or any attention. I think im sick because of stress. Or im just sick. Wondering whether to seek help from my prof, been really numb and irritatble lately and I can't open up. Like my soul wound got covering itself and it hurts to peel it. Struggling with university and struggling to cancel my gym membership. Still feeling bad about my friend's attempt. Always anxious. Im tired. Im sick of it

[SoporRose]

You write that your therapist says that you make yourself sick to get your parents' attention. What does she suggest you do to break that pattern? Telling you something like that is only useful if she helps you finds ways to get better. It sounds as if you need help reducing your stress because it's making you sick. Ideally, your therapist should be able to help you find ways to do that.

I think getting help from your professor is a good idea. If nothing else, it can be a way to judge if your other therapist is giving you solid advice. If your therapist and your professor have the same insights into your situation, then you can be more confident in the advice you get.

May I offer a gentle thought? Your parents might not always be able to get back to you right away. I sometimes have to turn off my phone so I can focus on whatever task I have to complete or just to have some quiet time to myself. Might your parents also need some phone-free time?

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

Yeah, both my therapists just say im making myself sick and im having issues with sleep without giving me a way to sort them out. And it's only stressing me more. Tbh recently i have been skipping therapy because it's stressing me instead of relaxing me. I need to reduce the amount of therapists i have, it's stressful. Bulgarian therapists be like "you're not here to be petted" when you're disstressed and need ways to calm. And analyse you and give you no coping and you're stuck with the scary analysis. They both say "you're making yourself anxious, stop it". Like if i could i wouldn't be here. I told my older one it's been three years and im just feeling worse and she said" maybe you want to be anxious ". Like no, i try my best, i try to not think or challenge my thoughts but then my body starts stress reactions.So stressed and tired that i slept all day. One suggested EDMR. Wondering whether im in the space to it not break me more.

[SoporRose in reply to Against_the_current]

I've read about EDMR, but have no idea what it's like to do that kind of therapy. A VERY brief look at the Internet brought up some YouTube Videos and end evidence that it does help people suffering from trauma, so it may well be worth a try. Check out a few of the YouTube videos and see if it makes sense to you.

You may be right that seeing only one therapist might be helpful. I think it could be worthwhile to find out what the professor who offered to help you has in mind. Perhaps you could ask her straightforwardly if she will be able to give you strategies to help cope instead of just diagnoses without guidance?

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

You're right. And i think she wants to get me in therapy but i think i would rather have just one therapist because listening to all my diagnosises makes me ill. Especially when psychologists tell me i have fifteen types of anxiety and then someone tells me to "stop living like a psychopath and just be normal." And that i want my anxiety

[SoporRose]

"stop living like a psychopath and just be normal."

It makes me sick that someone would say that to you. It's so unhelpful. It seems as if what you need is a small and specific step with which to start, even if it's something like "drink at least this many glasses of water a day to stay hydrated" or "eat one piece of fruit." (I'm not saying that these are the things you need to do; I'm offering them as example of how clear I think your therapist needs to be.) And then build on that.

I don't think you want your anxiety; I do know how hard it gets to be to let go of these problems because they become all we know, become what defines us. Sometimes I feel as if I "get over" my own problems then there will be nothing left of my identity. But I am much older than you and I believe you still have so many possibilities in front of you, starting with graduating and moving on to a career. That's a great way to establish a more useful identity. Your excellent grades show how capable you are, despite all your health issues. You have a core of strength that keeps you going and that I think will be what saves you.