I am going to talk about God as a 'metaphysical entity' in this post. Let me make it very clear: I am not referring to any man made religion, or belief system instilled in us humans though our culture or upbringing. I am referring to God as a representation of the power of love.
Before going any further I would like to point out that in this present moment I am seriously contemplating doing something that society frowns upon. Before I do what I fully intend to do I would like to share part of my story as to what happened when I truly encountered God as an actual "metaphysical entity" whereby I literally entered his/her reality. There are some similarities with NDEs but my experience was a Real Living Experience RLE. Having said that I did experience "death" of my ego mind. During the experience which lasted for 3 days I was not under the influence of any medication, drugs or alcohol, before, during or after the event.
Believe me, being back in my ego mind, I would eagerly consume any of these substances if I thought I could duplicate the awesome experience I am about to share with you.
I will try and keep this story as short as possible. However, I have to relay the events of what happened that day simply because it was a chain of events which are relevant to the entirety of the story. One trigger, actually triggered a relay of actions. Please bear with me.
Way back in July 2007 on a bright sunny Saturday morning I noticed my cat Ben was looking rather lethargic and poorly. I was concerned, but my thoughts were, "Leave him be, he has his own "higher power" looking out for him". I had no idea how much of an impact these words would have as the events of the day unfolded.
Anyway, late afternoon I tried some freshly cooked fish to see if he would eat which he refused. Eventually, the penny dropped..he was unwell and needed to be taken to a vet. Called vet was told to bring Ben in straight away which I was aiming to do. Rang several taxi firms: None of them would allow cat in taxi. In desperation phoned a few relatives who lived close by asked them to run me to vets which was only ten minutes away. Good grief, I pleaded with them to help get Ben to the vet which is not like me at all. Guess what? They all refused. Literally, I saw image doors were being slammed in my face, one after the other, every time I asked for help. Shit, my cat was ill he needed medical help. I began to panic. On the off chance, I phoned another taxi firm and they agreed to take me to vets. Relieved, left Ben with vet who was going to do some tests on him having suspected he had a virus.
As I made my way home all's I could see was visual doors repeatedly slamming in my face. Weird. Why the replay Ben was in safe hands now? Something very unusual was going on here. Reached home and called my sister to distract me from visuals of slamming doors. Can't recall much of the actual conversation but I do recall her saying to me: "Sounds like your are having some sort of breakdown"!
In hindsight seemed more like a breakthrough rather than a breakdown. Let's see what you the reader thinks.
Anyway, I cut the call with sister and instantly a door literally opened up in my mind of which I had no control at all. In fact, I was no longer in control of anything. Its as if my sisters' comment about "breakdown" was giving me a shove off the edge of a cliff into the unknown, on a journey never ever travelled before. Out of the blue, a flood of tears opened up of their own accord, tears continually flowed like rivers, I was being driven, pacing from room to room, by some unseen force which had taken complete control over me. Then came the mantra: "I'm sorry Ben please forgive me" which accompanied, the tears, and the pacing, which literally went on for hours. Honestly, I never knew it was humanely possible for so much liquid to come out of a person's eyes.
Again in hindsight I now know what was happening: My ego mind was no longer in control, something much more powerful was taking over and I was willing to let it happen.
After hours of pacing, torrents of tears and repeating mantra I stopped in front of a wall, arched my right arm against the wall and put my forehead on my bent arm and closed my eyes. The tears stopped but the Ben mantra kept spilling out repeatedly. For love nor money, even if I wanted to via rational conscious choice, I would not have been able or willing to stop the words from coming out of my mouth. I remained in that position head on arm against the wall letting the mantra carry on for quite sometime. On and on went the mantra a power in its own right.
Suddenly, I physically felt, then visualized a massive ball of energy in my body. Then, still in the same position, I fully and wholeheartedly realised that I was not saying sorry to Ben at all. I was saying sorry to a power far greater than myself for all the harm and hurt I had done to myself and others throughout my life. Upon that realisation, then came more tears, of pure unadulterated joy and unimaginable love which totally blew me away and overwhelmed me in total awe of this miracle that was happening to me. I was in heaven, or what I now consider to be God's reality. I raised my head and looked into the room. It was no surprise to me when I saw amazing balls of light, mostly orange and blue swirling around the room. At that point I fully accepted that I was in the presence of a "metaphysical force" which for obvious reasons I choose to call GOD.
I was one hundred percent alive connected to God's love which is completely different to relationship love of the world as I know it. In all honesty, it felt like I had been reborn in God's image. All hate, anger, resentments, fear, hostility, anxiety, mental torment, false egotistical bravado, pretence, judgement, criticism, apprehension, rage and much more were totally gone. What stood in its place was pure LOVE, such peace and joy that was tangible and so real. I felt a complete wholeness and so powerful which went way beyond human comprehension. The true POWER of GOD'S LOVE stripped me clean, made me whole and pure. Need I say more?
There is more to this miraculous story but I will stop writing now for I fear it will be too lengthy. In reality it is already too long which might put readers off.
Today, I am suffering mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally which I cannot endure. I now ask myself was my miraculous journey a blessing or a curse?
What do you wonderful people think?
