Is my story a blessing or is it a curse?

[DizzyD]

I am going to talk about God as a 'metaphysical entity' in this post. Let me make it very clear: I am not referring to any man made religion, or belief system instilled in us humans though our culture or upbringing. I am referring to God as a representation of the power of love.

Before going any further I would like to point out that in this present moment I am seriously contemplating doing something that society frowns upon. Before I do what I fully intend to do I would like to share part of my story as to what happened when I truly encountered God as an actual "metaphysical entity" whereby I literally entered his/her reality. There are some similarities with NDEs but my experience was a Real Living Experience RLE. Having said that I did experience "death" of my ego mind. During the experience which lasted for 3 days I was not under the influence of any medication, drugs or alcohol, before, during or after the event.

Believe me, being back in my ego mind, I would eagerly consume any of these substances if I thought I could duplicate the awesome experience I am about to share with you.

I will try and keep this story as short as possible. However, I have to relay the events of what happened that day simply because it was a chain of events which are relevant to the entirety of the story. One trigger, actually triggered a relay of actions. Please bear with me.

Way back in July 2007 on a bright sunny Saturday morning I noticed my cat Ben was looking rather lethargic and poorly. I was concerned, but my thoughts were, "Leave him be, he has his own "higher power" looking out for him". I had no idea how much of an impact these words would have as the events of the day unfolded.

Anyway, late afternoon I tried some freshly cooked fish to see if he would eat which he refused. Eventually, the penny dropped..he was unwell and needed to be taken to a vet. Called vet was told to bring Ben in straight away which I was aiming to do. Rang several taxi firms: None of them would allow cat in taxi. In desperation phoned a few relatives who lived close by asked them to run me to vets which was only ten minutes away. Good grief, I pleaded with them to help get Ben to the vet which is not like me at all. Guess what? They all refused. Literally, I saw image doors were being slammed in my face, one after the other, every time I asked for help. Shit, my cat was ill he needed medical help. I began to panic. On the off chance, I phoned another taxi firm and they agreed to take me to vets. Relieved, left Ben with vet who was going to do some tests on him having suspected he had a virus.

As I made my way home all's I could see was visual doors repeatedly slamming in my face. Weird. Why the replay Ben was in safe hands now? Something very unusual was going on here. Reached home and called my sister to distract me from visuals of slamming doors. Can't recall much of the actual conversation but I do recall her saying to me: "Sounds like your are having some sort of breakdown"!

In hindsight seemed more like a breakthrough rather than a breakdown. Let's see what you the reader thinks.

Anyway, I cut the call with sister and instantly a door literally opened up in my mind of which I had no control at all. In fact, I was no longer in control of anything. Its as if my sisters' comment about "breakdown" was giving me a shove off the edge of a cliff into the unknown, on a journey never ever travelled before. Out of the blue, a flood of tears opened up of their own accord, tears continually flowed like rivers, I was being driven, pacing from room to room, by some unseen force which had taken complete control over me. Then came the mantra: "I'm sorry Ben please forgive me" which accompanied, the tears, and the pacing, which literally went on for hours. Honestly, I never knew it was humanely possible for so much liquid to come out of a person's eyes.

Again in hindsight I now know what was happening: My ego mind was no longer in control, something much more powerful was taking over and I was willing to let it happen.

After hours of pacing, torrents of tears and repeating mantra I stopped in front of a wall, arched my right arm against the wall and put my forehead on my bent arm and closed my eyes. The tears stopped but the Ben mantra kept spilling out repeatedly. For love nor money, even if I wanted to via rational conscious choice, I would not have been able or willing to stop the words from coming out of my mouth. I remained in that position head on arm against the wall letting the mantra carry on for quite sometime. On and on went the mantra a power in its own right.

Suddenly, I physically felt, then visualized a massive ball of energy in my body. Then, still in the same position, I fully and wholeheartedly realised that I was not saying sorry to Ben at all. I was saying sorry to a power far greater than myself for all the harm and hurt I had done to myself and others throughout my life. Upon that realisation, then came more tears, of pure unadulterated joy and unimaginable love which totally blew me away and overwhelmed me in total awe of this miracle that was happening to me. I was in heaven, or what I now consider to be God's reality. I raised my head and looked into the room. It was no surprise to me when I saw amazing balls of light, mostly orange and blue swirling around the room. At that point I fully accepted that I was in the presence of a "metaphysical force" which for obvious reasons I choose to call GOD.

I was one hundred percent alive connected to God's love which is completely different to relationship love of the world as I know it. In all honesty, it felt like I had been reborn in God's image. All hate, anger, resentments, fear, hostility, anxiety, mental torment, false egotistical bravado, pretence, judgement, criticism, apprehension, rage and much more were totally gone. What stood in its place was pure LOVE, such peace and joy that was tangible and so real. I felt a complete wholeness and so powerful which went way beyond human comprehension. The true POWER of GOD'S LOVE stripped me clean, made me whole and pure. Need I say more?

There is more to this miraculous story but I will stop writing now for I fear it will be too lengthy. In reality it is already too long which might put readers off.

Today, I am suffering mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally which I cannot endure. I now ask myself was my miraculous journey a blessing or a curse?

What do you wonderful people think?

[Midori]

When enlightenment comes, it does so with a bang. You explained your experience well.

Mine came through study, and I found I could see things clicking into place, like cogs in a machine. Its fascinating.

Yes, sometimes there is a backlash, but stick with the positives of your experience.

Cheers, Midori

[hypercat54]

Hi what an amazing experience. Did it change you as a person and did you become a better one for it?

As a non religious person I wouldn't call this God, but connecting to your inner self through all the walls we build to defend ourselves. It is a very powerful feeling.

I have had several of these - not so long or profound but I call them my 'lightbulb moments'. Change for the better happened after all of them.

[designguy]

What an amazing experience you had with your connecting to the divine source of life, my guess is that you were also processing your grief over the impending loss of your cat. I think life and death are just two different sides of the same coin. My being able to experience the divine was through experiencing unconditional love for the first time through my dog Walter who opened my heart and allowed me to experience it for the first time. The good thing about your experience is that you can come back to it, it may not be as intense as it was initially but over time it can. Practicing simple mindful meditation is a good way to calm your mind and connect with source or sometimes I will watch funny animal videos. If I am having a difficult time I will even watch sad videos or listen to sad music to let myself feel the sadness and grieve and release it.

[Xene]

Hi, I’m a little confused. Obviously your experience was truly amazing but what I’m not quite getting is how you think others can decide whether or not it was/is a blessing or a curse to you? Surely that is something totally personal that only you can decide. I wish you well and hope you find the answers you are searching for.

[DizzyD in reply to Xene]

Is it a blessing or is it a curse? At the time it was a way beyond a blessing. It was 100% God's reality. I was in heaven even though I was functioning in the world.

But now it feels like a curse because having had the experience I feel like am back in my ego mind which is like hell on earth in comparison. No one has any idea what I have written about unless they have had the same experience.

[bowJim]

Hi Dizzy,

Wonderful, wonderful - Not sure if you have looked at "A course in Miracles"

Alan Cohen has a made easy version, some of this is discussed on 'YouTube' if you wish a taster.

By your hand I live, tear the hand off the devil and take the hand of god.

Best wishes

Jim

[DizzyD in reply to bowJim]

Yes bowJim I have ACIM book...studied it to the best of my ability on and off for years. It's absolutely wonderful to see you connected my experience to ACIM not many people can do this. Believe me, in my post I only mentioned the first part of the story while I was at home...unbelievable what happened when I went to work that night and was amongst people. Brief example, my tyrant boss who I was usually terrified of, saw the power of God in me and did not wipe the floor with me after I went against his wishes by giving food to a person with mental health issues who had asked for some free food. This was not my doing it was In a nutshell, I MOST CERTAINLY DID TAKE THE HAND OF GOD.In addition I have also experienced other miracles. There is no comparison between religion and my experience.

Will defo check Alan Cohen out. Have you ever read ACIM?

[bowJim]

HI Dizzy,

Thank you for your reply, I am new to ACIM, I feel I have migrated I had experienced different therapies, psychotherapy started to unravel the thoughts in my mind, I still felt very confused and not able to settle my mind, society, morals of life, all impacted and increased my anxiety and pain.

I have had some unexplained events in my life and put this down to my perception, personal awareness of things I could not explain, I had many negative thoughts wrapped up with this driving my overall thoughts and leading to more fear.

With ACIM I enjoy the daily lessons, they resonate with my thoughts, I was worried about the God reference, I suppose another Fear! but in reality I see this clearly now and feel more in tune with a sense of oneness, holiness, I like it.

I like the structure of the course, the elements - Fear' and love (GOD) and honestly the course has enabled me to see more clearly, my Fear led thoughts driven by guilt, my judgemental thoughts, understanding Form and the dreaded Ego, so in all, the teaching is helping to settle my mind, as I understand inner healing, rather than external healing, now rewiring my thoughts this is lowering my anxiety, my perception is growing I feel more safe.

So nice to read your enlightenment, your experience with the hand of God, for me I feel when experienced is a beautiful connection, and I believe if this is felt once, that with lessons we can experience this more and more as the ego is put to bed.

I use another couple of helpers with learning and understanding ACIM, one on Youtube, daily with Carol Howe, also the whole of ACIM is now on line lessons.acim.org/en

“If you knew Who walks beside you on the way that you have chosen, fear would be impossible.” (T-18.III.3:2)

best wishes

Jim.