Does anyone else with depression, bipolar disorder or anxiety feel this way?

[Zan999]

Hi Everyone! I've been a forum member for awhile but haven't introduced myself because I didn't feel like I had the energy to write or do much of anything. Today I decided to take the plunge....

After suffering terribly with bipolar II & anxiety for 40 years, I feel like I'm ready to "go home."

Though I'm not religious, every day I ask for God to take me. I'm embarrassed to say that when I hear that someone has passed away young, I'm sad for them but envious, yes envious & wish it was me. All of this is despite consistent treatment, research,

taking every med under the sun as prescribed & even 20 ketamine treatments. I've had cancer & my mental illness feels worse because it's not something neurotypical people understand. Then my psychiatrist, who I adore, told me he's retiring & I feel more of a loss from that than when my emotionally distant father died this past summer.

Does anyone relate or have any thoughts or suggestions?? Thank you & wishing you all peace.

[Grandmakris]

I don't see any replies to your post. I have the same conditions that you do. After more than a decade, I found a medication that worked. Don't ever give up!

[Zan999 in reply to Grandmakris]

Thank you for your response & congratulations on finding the right meds.

[Gimel]

Hi Zan999

I know you wrote your post sometime ago, but I just want you to know, as a new member to this group, that I can relate to and empathise with all that you say. When it seems like this condition will always be a feature of your life, then you do wish that dying would be a better option

I have only recently been diagnosed with the condition so for you to have lived with it for 40 years says a lot more about you than the condition. Your powers of resilience and endurance are amazing. If what I am experiencing at the moment is just about tolerable there is no way I could handle it for so long. Once again I think you are amazing.

[Zan999 in reply to Gimel]

Thank you so much for your reply Gimel, you just made my day!! Regarding resilience, what I've noticed after 40+ years, is that as each significant mood episode occurs, I'm learning coping skills that I might use during future episodes. If I could offer others on the board a suggestion, it is to compile a list of coping skills that you can use when feeling depressed/anxious etc. Wishing you all the best on our shared journey.