Just a brief introduction: I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety disorder in 2021. I am on medication (Sertraline 100 mg) currently.
Before treatment depression was almost clinical, I struggled getting out of bed, taking a shower etc.
Now I’ve got much better, however, I don’t understand why it is still so hard to manage household things. Like, for example, I can’t stand cooking and I would rather get an unhealthy ready-to-eat snack than cook.
The only thought of going to the shop to buy groceries frequently makes me sick & tired.
I accumulate dirty laundry in my drawer until I have literally NOTHING to wear. Idk, I just can’t go to the bathroom and put my clothes into the washing machine and press the goddamn button.
I hate cleaning and do so only if my floor is covered with dust, lol.
Despite everything described above, I regained pleasure from social activities, hobbies and studying. Obviously I can shower and take care of myself (still get tired of this tho) I am quite academically successful I guess. If I still was clinically depressed, I wouldn’t be able to study and communicate with people and even form sentences in this text.
I don’t know why I’m still having trouble with doing household stuff, I literally want to become a normally functioning adult after years of depression.
Has anyone had a situation like this? Maybe I’m just lazy and have to force myself to do things I hate because they are necessary for living?
Written by
fatiguei
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
27 Replies
•
hi fatiguel,
I can completely relate. I’m suffering with some of the same issues. Anxiety for yrs and more recently depression. This is causing me problems getting my normal life chores done. Today I cleaned my kitchen and did laundry, but only because it was an absolute must. An embarrassing way to live for me. I have developed a depressive/procrastination type of attitude. My therapist sent me an article about how procrastination is not a time management problem, especially when depressed, but more of an emotional way of avoiding unpleasant tasks in lieu of instant gratification. The part that hit home with me was this:
“We sit down to do a task.
We project into the future about what the task will feel like.
We predict that the task will not feel good (e.g., will stress us out, make us feel bad, etc.).
Our emotional coping strategy kicks in to keep us away from this bad feeling.
We avoid the task.”
Perhaps this resonates with you as well. This is a fairly new issue for me and it’s becoming a bad habit. I can send you the full article if you’re interested. I wish you luck with this. Hoping we can both get things done quicker in the future👍
thank you for your reply, everything you’ve described really resonates with me.
i know it can feel embarrassing to live this lifestyle and i’m embarrassed of it myself, but it’s not your fault! the last thing you need to do is to blame yourself for this issues, it wouldn’t make you do the chores more quickly but may worsen your condition.
i would be grateful if you could send me the whole article you were talking about. i’d like to have a look at it.
hopefully you’ll be better soon and i wish you luck, strength and progression in therapy!
Thank for your post which shows how difficult living with mental health conditions can be.
Unfortunately, procrastination is one of the other symptoms of depression that is not listed separately in the list of 9 major symptoms from the DSM-V. From my experience it might be grouped under anhedonia (Loss of interest/Lack of pleasure).
Compounding difficulties is the fact some depressed brains, mine included, have trouble with executive functioning (EF) .
EF is the group of complex mental processes and cognitive abilities (such as working memory, impulse inhibition, and reasoning) that control the skills (such as organizing tasks, remembering details, managing time, and solving problems) required for goal-directed behavior.
The biggest impact for the person — the ability to perform complex tasks that rely on planning or decision making is because the skills involved let us set goals, plan, and get things done. When people struggle with EF, it impacts them at home, in school, at work and in life.
We can learn the skills required by reading books or in discussions with a psychologist who might set some homework to build up our skills to meet our goals in therapy.
i don’t know what the circumstances are, but i really hope that there’s a chance of your dream coming true and you’ll have a chance to visit your family’s home.
Ireland is incredible. i’m not irish myself and i’ve been here for less than a year (immigration also took a toll on my mental health but this is another story) and i’m enjoying it so far.
Thank you for the well wishes. Meanwhile I'll dream of your green hills tonight. Or maybe I'll get John McCormack to sing "The Garden Where The Praties Grow", close my eyes, and imagine.
just saying the reason take out and frozen pizza exists is because cooking is basically housework for most people. The only reason I cook is because of cost and I do have recipes that are better than takeout but they have to be quick with few ingredients or forget it.
I think you need a good reason to do housework. Otherwise why? If you can appreciate coming home to a clean home you will do it. As for me I got to the point where I pay someone. Not every week but if I don’t want to waste my money then I pick up before they get there. Not all of us are ever going to be good cleaners and that is okay. Focus on what works.
My home is a total tip! I hate housework and always have done. I think the reason behind it is partly because I don't think I deserve to live in a nice clean home.
I also find it the most difficult thing to do with my depression. My life seems hellish enough without making it worse with housework.
I have to deal with fear and the flight response for everything. I am always afraid. My psychologist had me break household chores into really small pieces. Ex... for the bathroom : 1) remove all bottles from the sides of the bathtub. Watch some of a movie. 2) Put the cleanser and the sponge and the rubber glove beside the tub. Go bac to the movie. 3) Clean the tub. Back to the movie. 4) Wipe off the surface where the bottles go and wipe the bottles and put them back on the side of the tub. Back to the movie. 5) Put cleanser in toilet. Back to movie. 6) Scrub inside of toilet. (Note that I did all this in extreme fatigue.) Back to movie. 7) Wipe outside of toilet. Back to movie. 8) Clear off counter. Back to movie. 9) Clean countertop and mirror. Back to movie. 10) Wipe down objects that go on countertop and put them back. If doing the floor, there are additional steps. 11) Clear furniture from bathroom. Back to movie. 12) Sweep. Back to movie. 13) Wash floor. Back to movie. 14) Put furniture back.
When I began, it would take 3 days to do the bathroom. Now, I can do it in a couple of hours using the same method. Sometimes, I can do 2 steps at once. And there is less time between the steps now. I probably started the method about 10 years ago.
I was diagnosed with postnatal depression in 2002 when my daughter was about 2 months old, she's 20 years old now.In 2003 I was diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety.
My depression is a lot better than it was, but I lost my beloved dad to terminal lung cancer due to smoking in March 2019. He was only 63 years old.
I'm also on 100mg of sertraline tablets as I was put on them in October 2018 when my dad was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer due to smoking.
I'm a nanna's and a daddy's girl. My beloved nanna, my late dad's late mum passed away when I was still in primary school.
I was diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety after my daughter was forcibly adopted against my wishes when she was between 6 months old and 8 months old in the spring of 2003.
I have no idea where she is now or how to find her as all of websites that claim to find lost family ands friends charge far too much for their services for me.
I still find it hard to talk about my daughter's forced adoption and my late dad passing away.
I also hate cooking and cleaning especially the washing up as I seem to be the only one who gets asked to do it by either my fiance or my mum (extremely long story). The only time I don't get asked is when I'm not well enough to do anything.
From someone who lives alone and has to do everything themselves....
I usually pick a time like Saturday morning (now!) When I'm not working and have nothing else going on. I don't think about what needs to be done. We all know what we need to do and we can all do it without thinking about it. So I throw on some music, aim my attention to that rather than the jobs, and just get on with it, the same way I do when I'm at work. I don't think about work, I just do it, because it needs to happen.
The feeling afterward when I sit down knowing everything is done is SO much better that sitting down knowing there's a dozen jobs need doing. That feeling alone will leave you in a constant low, the pressure of mess and outstanding tasks is never going to let you feel relaxed.
Don't look at the work that needs doing, think about how accomplished you'll feel watching that movie tonight in a clean room with nothing to do tomorrow 😁
My only other tip is try not to let things pile up. I throw washing in the washer as I go then switch it on when it's full. It's automatically done now without thinking or considering it a chore. If I see a mess, I wipe it as I pass. It's barely any effort when it's just 5 seconds of wiping. If I move from one place to another, I take something with me. If you don't leave a mess, there'll never be much housework to do!
Hope this helps, at least a little.
Good morning.
First, it is very common for people who are depressed not to want to do things and to have very low energy. That does not make you an abnormal or strange person by any means.
Second, you seem to be assuming that doing household chores is what normal people like to do. Actually, I believe that most people--depressed or not--do not want to do household chores, although they may have more energy to do them.
Finally, I really don't believe that anybody is lazy. I think that people are motivated or unmotivated to do certain things. Even people who are labeled as lazy can put a great deal of energy into doing something they enjoy.
I have ADHD and procrastinate all the time. You might want to talk to your therapist and see if you exhibit any symptoms of ADHD. for myself having ADHD combined with depression and anxiety has proved to be a challenge especially now that I am 64. You can also try to break up cleaning into small assignments. for example. Every small step you take is a great thing to do.
great advice Shnookie! I do believe there’s a close relationship between procrastination and ADHD as well. Inability to focus. I also ruminate about procrastination, which is kind of an OCD thing as well. With all that going on it’s no wonder nothing gets done. Seems I might fall into many different categories, lol. No wonder my therapist keeps changing her strategies. Yes, breaking chores down into smaller tasks really helps. It’s just kind of depressing doing stuff that way. Feel like I could use a 24/7 life coach pushing me around
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
How can I love others when I can’t love myself?
Why am I like this? 
Wanting to give up
Why am i afraid,?
