Christmas ,a time for pretending that all is well.

[secrets22]

It is 3 years since i lost my soulmate David and the pain of loss is as raw today as it was 3 years ago.

I still go to a lot of trouble with Christmas even though my heart is not in it.

I send lots of cards and still entertain a number of friends over the Christmas period, and thats partly because i dont want to wallow in my misery or be alone, because if i dont make an effort no one else will.

We were always the ones who entertained, and yet we never ever were invited back,

I know some people would say,dont bother, but that leaves me completely alone again, so i dont know what the answer is, its a two edged sword.

I have 5 coming for lunch on Christmas day and i will cook turkey and venison and all the trimmings, laugh and joke and pretend that i’m doing fine.

I do believe we become very good actors when dealing with grief.

I do try not to feel sorry for myself knowing full well that others are going through the same thing.

So do please try to make the best of getting through the festive season even though festivities might be the last thing on your mind.

[Adlon57]

Plastic smile, joy and happiness, outside😬😬🥴😬😬, Bah! Humbug! reality, inside🥴🥴

[Isinatra in reply to Adlon57]

Stollen cake and brandy butter…..😋

[Adlon57 in reply to Isinatra]

Yummy!👍🤭

[secrets22 in reply to Adlon57]

Exactly.

[Hidden]

I’m so sorry for the loss of your soulmate. Grief is such a hard part of life but I believe you have the right attitude by keeping busy and not shutting yourself off. Keeping busy with life’s little details can be a blessing in disguise. Your post got me thinking about how my life will be when I lose my soulmate. I hope to have the courage you do to keep going and surrounding myself with others the way you have. especially during holidays. Fake smiles, laughs, jokes are so difficult (and exhausting) but they can set you up for real ones to follow. Really admiring you and wish you all the best for happier times to come. 🎁❤️

[Rituals]

That seems to be the way people act…fake, pretend & take. Do you express how you feel with others?

[012703060610]

Hi there - Touching post. You must have very high EQ! I too, am sorry for your loss. Holidays drum up emotions and three years isn't all that long ago. I too am the one in my family that would need to move all things to accommodate schedules or others needs. I'm the youngest in my family but an adult now with 3 little kiddos. I ended the cycle this year. I lost my health and all I want is to continue to try to resolve and find a quality of life. I still did Christmas cards and did not do FAKE. Yes some snapshots of the kids, but we inserted a letter. It was very direct thanking those who helped us in a very hard time and letting people know why we have been so busy. Clearly, those who didn't help would know who they are after reading. I have 20+ therapies, doctors....it's a full time job. Now, I am certain I lost some friends with this holiday. I get them out right after Thanksgiving as it makes me laugh. I normally get lots of cards and this year we are staring into the abyss. I literally wrote in my journal today that I need to stop expectation of reciprocation. Now I know who is with me! I need less people and better quality....and I'll get there. I too will try so hard to enjoy the holiday. My kids are with my Ex and I go a little nutty not being able to see the joy. Christmas is my jam....for all the wrong reasons. Right on cue today, I just melted down not having them and sobbed for hours. My husband and I are trying to figure out how to get through until we see them on the 26th. Be well and your dinner sounds delicious. I was born in a large hunting territory and we had venison on the regular!

[secrets22 in reply to 012703060610]

Thank you so much for your heartfelt post,i can identify with your words so much,for we are certainly on the same page. I wish you much joy as you move forward.x

[Weatherwoman]

So sorry for your loss. I am suffering, too, this is the first holiday that I don't have my precious Mike, my Significant Other who passed this Nov. 3rd. I have to pretend, somewhat, that I am doing okay with family, and some of my friends. They care, but just don't want to here my cry, say how much I miss him, say how lonely I am, etc. So, I put on my "act" say little of how I really feel, and cry A LOT just by myself. My family is far away, my friends live on the other side of the Bay (I'm in the San Francisco Bay Area), and don't like going across the bridges with All the traffic, etc. They will call, text, but I am All Alone in this house, now, and Very lonely.