Something I've struggled with for a long time.....

[bridder01]

Hi all. My name is Brian and I've been here on the site for a couple of days and have already met some wonderful people here. Something that I've wanted to share for a while is that one of my greatest fears and something that to this day causes extreme anxiety for me is I am terrified of women. One of my earliest memories is when I was in kindergarten and I was at a parent/teacher conference. A female classmate came up to say hi to me and I hid behind my mom. As I grew up and went through high school, I endured a lot of verbal/emotional abuse from female classmates. I was physically beaten up by a guy whose girlfriend told him to. Over the years, I've withdrawn within myself and anytime I'm in public, all of those horrible memories come flooding back and I feel like finding the nearest hole and crawling in and cover the hole. It's an irrational fear, I know. It has made even forming a meaningful friendship with women almost impossible. It's one of many fears I haven't been able to get a grip on. Add to that all of the recent stories of sexual abuse over the last few months, I'm almost terrified of even attempting to be a friend because I'm afraid of saying the wrong thing and being accused. I find that the older I get, the harder it is for me to even say hi to someone in public without wanting to run as far away as I can. I don't know what to do or how to go about overcoming this near paralyzing fear. I always feel so anxious and afraid, I feel isolated and alone. Thank you for letting me get this off my chest. Thanks so much for listening.

Sincerely,

Brian

[fauxartist]

I grew up being a geek, I watched Outer Limits, and Star Trek, the original airing. I always had best friends that were SF geeks and science nerds as well. I didn't care about the difference between boys and girls, I refused to be categorized. The raging hormone stage of adolescence didn't interest me. When I was older I met Nichelle Nichols at a book signing and she talked to me about how she was the first women on TV given an officers status, had the first inter-racial kiss, and that how she was going to quit the show first season cause she didn't think her role was important...Claretta King wrote to her and told her she was a role model for all young women, and to not leave the show. Of course the ST pilot had Majel Barrett, Gene's wife as first officer, but the network didn't think the public would accept a women as first officer in this 'Space Western'.

So I understand your fear of women, some of them scare me too, but being a geek first, and a women...you may find some of us are okay..I was sexually abused, but that has nothing to do with anyone but what the abuser did, and one was a woman. I don't fear or hate men or women because of what some sick jerks did to me as a kid and as a young woman, that's on them only. I do know a lot of us with PTSD and myself with CPTSD have issues, but I don't have any with any group of people.

[bridder01 in reply to fauxartist]

I'm glad to hear that faux I try to be nice to everyone. Unless they give me a reason not to be. There's a saying a British actor made shortly before his death. The journalist asked him what he would like on his tombstone and the actor replied: "That he did very little harm. And that's not easy. It seems to me that a lot of people do a great deal of harm. If I could be remembered for having done very little, that would suit me."

Brian

[courtjestah in reply to fauxartist]

I knew I liked you 😉

[gerg]

Hi B,

I have had similar issues and I found my source was based in low self esteem, that was anxiety driven. I could not love myself, so the love of others really hurt. Like you said, it was irrational. But it was extremely powerful. My self esteem issues progressed until I really hated myself. Self loathing so bad that I wouldn’t give myself the grace of ending it all. I hated myself so much that I wanted me to live through every bit of pain.

Once I figured this out I began the journey of healing. I am happy to report that I now like myself. I am starting back into the dating scene, and I feel completely different than ever before. I think I could do a long term relationship, maybe even the M word.

[susanjo613 in reply to gerg]

Hi Gerg. I'm impressed with your accomplishment........of being able to like yourself. May I ask for some pointers or the steps you took in order to do this?

[gerg in reply to susanjo613]

I worked on rational thought and perspective editing. I can't go into much now, but if you click on my name and go into "Replies" you will find a lot on my methods. I'll try to post a better answer later.

[bridder01 in reply to gerg]

I hear ya gerg. I've just started on the same road myself. I just had to let go of so much resentment and anger from my past. It's not all completely gone, but I've let go of most of it. My main problem is I struggle with weight. Living in a society and having a media system that only promotes a certain body image can be extremely frustrating. But I've started to feel comfortable in my own skin. I'm not quite at liking myself yet, but I'm getting there. Thanks for taking the time to reach out, I really appreciate it!

Brian

[courtjestah]

Hi Brian, pleasure to meet you. My name is Susan and I’m new here as well. It’s a pretty cool place right? I’m a girl (well I was 100 years ago) and I would love to be your friend 😊

[bridder01 in reply to courtjestah]

Hiya Susan! Pleasure to meet you too. It's turning out to be a pretty cool place. A..I would love to be your friend too Message me and we can start chatting

Sincerely,

Brian