I have always had trouble with anxiety and depression. I have it every day, but when things are good...I am able to manage it and there are bright spots in my days. The real problems start when something bad happens in my life. I’m not good with handling major changes...when something that is at the core of my life is taken away my depression and anxiety take over and I’m unable to stop it.
My girlfriend of 3 years just broke up with me. I thought we were going to get married. We share an apartment and 3 pets. Right now I had to move in with my dad until I can figure out a plan. But he has some mental health issues of his own and it makes it really hard for me to even attempt to try and calm myself down.
Prior to the breakup, I just started a new job at a software company and was so excited about it. Now, I’m two weeks in at the new job and I can’t stop crying or being anxious. I cry in the car on the way to work and on the way home. I’m so anxious when I’m sitting there at work. I just can’t focus. Sometimes I’m just sitting there with the tears silently streaming down my face. I just keep worrying about everything...money, where I’ll live, if I’ll be able to get my pets back, or if maybe she will change her mind. I don’t want to lose my new job. I’m trying so hard to focus but I’m having so much trouble concentrating. I can’t stop my thoughts from racing.
My heart feels like there’s a hole in it and I feel so lost. I don’t have many friends or anyone to really help me through this. I know my severe anxiety and depression can turn others away. But I just feel so alone. I have never felt so alone. I’m scared that I won’t be able to handle this much longer. I am trying so hard. I try to tell myself positive things like “it will be okay, just breathe” or “I can do this.” This is just so hard. I just want to feel normal. I’d give anything not to feel this way.