Suicidal for the first time

I keep crying out for help to the people around me but it’s crazy how invisible I am. I told my sister I’m too scared to socialize after being isolated for over a year and my mom that I’m actually going out tonight (by literally forcing myself) and my mom just told me not to go. I went anyways just praying that I can make some friends and although they were nice they didn’t seem interested at all in getting to know me. I left and the person that invited in the first place barely said by to me and looked as if they wish they never invited me out because how socially awkward I was. I left crying without anyone knowing and contemplated suicide because how much I really do hate living. I hate it because no one cares about me not even my family. No one checks on me in my life..and the one person that I thought loved me has left because he straight up told me he just couldn’t be there for me. I try so hard to be strong... tonight I forced myself to go out to congratulate myself for finishing my online assignments this week but it turned into coming to a realization that I don’t want to work this hard to have a career and come home alone. I rather not be here

[Llama00]

I know exactly how you feel, sorry that happened.

[Hidden]

You did good to challenge yourself. You went out even though you knew it would be hard! Good job! That took courage. Try to think about what you accomplished and reward yourself for facing the challenge.

It’s ok to leave early. Small steps, pace yourself. Remember it’s ok to pick and choose what social events and situations you put yourself in. Start with easy things and go from there.

The effort of putting yourself out there probably tired you out, increasing those feelings of loneliness and depression. I hear you, I’ve been there. Don’t give up. The efforts will pay off eventually!

[Hidden]

Hi LGrace!!

I went to over 2,000 AA and NA meetings over 15 years. At the end of countless meetings almost anyone would invite me out to some restaurant to socialize. At every single gathering of members not one person would ever say one word to me or even look at me. Imagine how that made me feel?

I never stopped this overwhelmingly joyous support activity in order to get my goal which is that I am now 20+ years clean off both hard drugs and alcohol. They were supportive in most other ways but never at get togethers after the meetings.

I obviously share your exact same experiences with trying your absolute best, and getting treated as a little bit less than a potted plant - less than because they get water from a person who cares about plants a little bit sometimes.

So you and I have done the exact same type of things and gotten the exact same disappointing lack of supportive results.

HU is way different, they are so supportive at all times I can hardly believe my Luck at finding this site with a random quick web search.

Ignore all of these people in your life that either say the exact opposite of what helps or choose to say nothing at all to you, even after being the very one Inviting you!!!

Such as my Mom when she used to be alive asked me in front of her 3rd husband and my frankly ugly blind date she arranged for me without even telling me about it - "Why don't you come suicide?"

Have I been where you are???

I am happy because I help myself and don't even ever so much as ask anyone for help ever in my life because I know that I will get the exact same results we both have gotten from these incredibly supportive caring people in our lives again, like I need or want That!!!

I do so much better now without any of these people's help. I share so much because I hope other people will read this and Not Feel Alone. Second I just don't know how to communicate well what's going on without using a lot of detailed words. Short wording like others do does not communicate what I want people to know at all. I want to but I don't know how.

So for now you all have to put up with my excessive wordiness. The benefit is everyone tells me I am very clear and even helpful with what I say, if you have the patience to read a lot of words from me.

I will not stop trying everything on this incredible HU UK ADAA web site support group. I could not be happier with them if they came into my home and shook my hand and said that I am welcome here.

I asked for help yesterday from administrative management in the middle of the night and they Immediately helped me !!!

I expected little to nothing and feel I got everything, and shared with everyone this on a general post that did get a lot of Likes.

Please hand in there LG RACE because I did and I am happier than I have ever been, through my own efforts and not by hoping for people to openly show that they care for me more than they really do.

People are interested in their own lives and are ignoring us because we are not their priority in this life, they are. Their main goal is to get help themselves and not really to help you.

Even true HU cannot be better, they are more supportive than any web site you will ever find in the US or the UK.

We are all so incredibly lucky to be on this site Together!!! I hope to actively participate in HU for the rest of my 61 year old life.

Catman22

Peace and look at yourself "in the mirror" like they like to say, pat yourself on the back and say I am doing really well and I am a Winner, because you just logged into HU yet again, even after all your suffering and Let downs by others. Your are doing the right thing and are winning, even though things still look and feel bad...

Look forward to more of your posts and replies LG RACE!!!

Chris

[lesleynd]

Believe me I can relate to what you’re saying. It sounds very similar to situations I’ve experienced and I’ve had similar responses of being suicidal. You are not alone. Please know that. Also know that you do matter in this world. You posting this and sharing has probably helped someone you’ll never know you helped. It’s ok to feel your feelings. Please don’t act on them though. Even though it doesn’t feel like it now, there are people that love and care that you’re here and want you in their lives. I don’t know if what I’ve said will help you or not. I’m not great at giving advice but I wanted to let you know that you’re not alone and you matter. Hang in there. Your brain lies to you and tells you that you don’t matter when you really do. Things are hard now, but there is hope that it can and will get better if you hang in there. Yes, there’ll be bad times again but there’ll be good times too. Hugs to you. Take care and God bless.

[Anna_and_Ollie]

You can do this! Let me start off by saying I’m sending you love and hugs with nothing but understanding.

It is hard to push yourself into uncomfortable situations especially when you are feeling that way.

But this is not where your life is going to end. Keep working hard and you will find all the things you want out of life. They might not come in the forms you thought they would or from the people who are in your life right now but eventually the right people will come. The right places will come. The right time will come. Be patient and love yourself right now

[Marysblue]

I hear you, so sorry you're hurting. No one asks me how I'm doing either or checks on me so I know exactly how you feel. When I'm really depressed that bothers me a lot. You did great getting out tonight and you did just accomplish something big finishing your assignments.

Stay strong.

I'm still working on this at my age but try to give yourself what others can't. Learning self care has been so hard for me but it's exactly what I need. I need to talk nice to myself and treat myself well , and not worry so much about what others do, that has been a great challenge.

You are enough.