Was he really narcissistic or was I

[NorainNoflowers]

So my boyfriend that I felt was a narc recently broke up with me I’ve been holding on with not being able to trust him and I showed him where he was lying he looked me in the eyes and told me it wasn’t true then when I found out and showed him the truth he blew up on me and left … He said all he needed to say but didn’t even allow me to express myself! Whenever we’d have arguments he would talk all the time and whenever it was my turn to talk I could never speak he’d always cut me off either say I was wrong , Liar , gaslighting him, trying to make him look bad which I never understand because I never had a chance to say much now I’m left believing it was my fault and that I am the narc and that he left without any way of contact because I’m crazy !!! I wrote down our arguments, made poetry about it , had someone listen to a phone call of ours , tried recording our conversations , tried recording things for confirmation and still I blame myself!! I just need someone to talk to because I fall deep into depression I have so many triggers of words and things that I can’t hear anymore I just need insight

[Hidden]

Hi. You are not the narcissist. I am not the narcissist. I can empathize with you believing you're the narc because that's one of the questions I'm grappling with. Am I the narcissist? The answer is no, I'm not. Your answer is no, you're not. These people are extremely good at turning our world on it's head. They are extremely good at making us question the very fundamentals of what it means to be us (am I a good person?, is this my fault?, am I the bad guy here?). They are master manipulators. Are you getting therapy for this? I have been reading up about narcissism as a way of understanding what happened to me. It has helped me connect so many dots.

[NorainNoflowers in reply to Hidden]

Yes I struggle with the same questions!!! I became confused when he broke up with me usually it’s the other way around so it further more made me believe I was the one that had the issues but I was so healthy before all this always had good friendships and with family never issues or being called a narc so i was so confused!! I’m not in therapy I usually come here or ask friends for advice it really helps me very much ♥️ I thought about it tho

[Hidden in reply to NorainNoflowers]

I'm glad it's helping!

[StrugglingCaregiver in reply to NorainNoflowers]

" I was so healthy before all this always had good friendships and with family never issues or being called a narc so" - the only variable that changed in your life was HIM. He was/is the issue, not you. Do not believe him.

[BlueLizard12]

I had a friend who went through something similar. I can see why you thought you were the narc but, it was definitely the other way around. The way you felt must have been hard to cope with. I hope you can come to the realization that it is better he is out of your life now. I hope you can find ways to heal from all of this.

[NorainNoflowers in reply to BlueLizard12]

Thank you so much !! It really helps me to talk about it and get feedback from people that aren’t here to lie to me to make me feel better ♥️ So I appreciate it so much that you told me this it helps a lot like I know I wasn’t perfect in our relationship and over the course of time I started to change and get triggered so easily and get mad !! And have like this rage !! So I know I had my faults too for sure ♥️

[BlueLizard12 in reply to NorainNoflowers]

Reactions are normal, you're human to. Hold your head up, learn from those mistakes you may have made, and leave them in the past. You don't have to be perfect to be amazing.

[NorainNoflowers in reply to BlueLizard12]

😭♥️ Thank you so much !! Before I was so hurt and confused because I never knew I was capable of this type of behavior or screaming and yelling and arguing ♥️ Thank you for the reassurance that I’m normal ♥️

[Moncarr]

Trust your heart always , reason he got upset it's because he got caught nothing was your fault at all. You just got to much of a sweet heart DO NOT let anyone destroy it. Believe in your self I don't know you ,but if you like me and believe in GOD just pray to him for peace. I totally understand what you talking about when I was raising four girls on my own when there father cheated on me, my girls were from 12 years old -9 months, am such a strong woman now it might have been hard but I came out okay and now I'm living my life I've lived my life through my children and now my grandchildren. don't you ever look back sweetheart just look forward. You only got one life live it you owe it to your self. Am here whenever you need to chat.

[NorainNoflowers in reply to Moncarr]

😭😭♥️♥️ Omg this is so comforting!! I can feel the warmth from this it’s unreal!!! It’s beautiful you believe in God ! I do as well and he has been helping me wake up and get through the day ! It’s amazing you were able to find healing and push forward with you life I hope you always keep that positive mind and heart it’s rare and beautiful thank you for sharing your kindness ♥️😭😭😭🌸

[Moncarr]

You are so welcome, I even taught my daughters and granddaughters to never ever to expect a man or anyone going love them more then they love themselves. I told them first love yourself and never be or let anyone negative in there life and Thank God they all listen and proud of ever one them. If we all would out more love and positivity the world would be much better. You take care and am here you or anyone love a positive friend..

[Babe1213]

You pointed out the proven truth to him, well done! For him that truth will have hurt and embarrassed him, shown him for the weak human being he is. Hence the mouthy retort to all you said. Sometimes silence is the best form of defence - it actually takes more courage to remain silent. It sounds to me that there was never much in the way of trust in your relationship. He has been showing his true colours for a long while, and you have allowed this. We should all be on the look out for people who care more for themselves than they do others. You are in no way to blame - his actions show self interest only. In your position I would thank God and my lucky stars that I have escaped from a relationship doomed from the start by a selfish idiot. Look on this experience as your having had a lucky escape. Instead of dwelling on what happened and where to lay the blame, I suggest you stand upright, take a long look at yourself and ask why you want to record and maybe trivialise through poetry, then ask what YOU want from your future, dust yourself off, be thankful, the abuse was verbal and not physical. Do not harbour any more bad thoughts, they can stay with you for life - IF YOU LET THEM - forgive both him and yourself, for thinking badly of yourself. Then move on with your life, and rejoice that you have escaped. Take your life and your pride back!

[Tara52]

I was just listening to Dr. Henry Clouds podcast on narcissists on YouTube. A woman had called into the program and wanted to know if her ex- husband understood all of the pain & suffering he was causing as a narcissist. She and others hurt by him confronted him about his abusive controlling behavior but he would never admit to it and acted clueless. Usually he would turn everything around and blame the victims. They lack empathy and will never apologize or take responsibility for anything. Dr. Cloud said because of their deeply insecure nature they couldn't let their guard down(paraphrasing) and do any self examination. It's best not to try and attempt to change them because they don't want to change. Everything I read about narcissists is to just not to interact with them. Don't blame yourself, everything they say are lies to keep you feeling bad and under their control. You are a good person and never deserved any of this horrible treatment. Let it go and move on.💗

[NorainNoflowers in reply to Tara52]

Wow!! Thank you so much I think I’ll go over and listen to her podcast as well ! This is so true too no matter what I expressed he always called me a liar and said I was self projecting and gaslighting him but when really I just wanted him to see what he was doing and help him get pass the problem

[Moncarr]

Hi sweetie am just checking on you I hope you are doing ok and having a great Sunday. Will you have a awesome week ok and take care.

[NorainNoflowers in reply to Moncarr]

Thank You so much for checking on me that’s amazing ! I finally got out the house and out of bed today and went to the store! It felt amazing I feel pretty mellow today I’m healing ❤️‍🩹

[Moncarr in reply to NorainNoflowers]

Wow that's awesome am so proud of you, you see you can do it just believe in yourself and deserve nothing but the best . You can do it live your life to the fullest don't let anyone take that from you. It will take time but you will get there and also believe am here when someone to listen. Take Care ..

[NorainNoflowers in reply to Moncarr]

Thank you so much ! You’re a beautiful human ! Thank you for being you 😭😭♥️🌸

[Moncarr in reply to NorainNoflowers]

It's easy when you able be apart of beautiful strong woman life... You take care and always be positive...

[Midori]

Definitely not you. Those traits he exhibited were pretty conclusive that it is him who is the narcissist,

Cheers, Midori

[NorainNoflowers in reply to Midori]

Thank You ! I can see why he’s that way now because his family is narcissistic and he grew up around it! I hope he heals from this ! Is it possible?

[Midori in reply to NorainNoflowers]

My husband didn't; I put up with him for 15 years and he had me doubting my every move, my ability to do my job, (nursing), my appearance, my housekeeping, kept me short of money, In short he was a classic narcissist. When he beat me while I was holding my youngest child I knew it was time to leave. I went to a refuge and they helped me first by moving me across country and then helping me with restraining order and starting divorce. He suicided. All I felt was a sick relief. 32 years on, I'm better than I was, but still jumpy, and don't trust men at anything more then a social level.

Don't get back with him for your own safety and sanity.

Cheers, Midori

[NorainNoflowers in reply to Midori]

I’m so sorry you had to go through this!! You’re so strong 🌸♥️ I hope you’re able to heal through all the trauma ❤️ Thank You for sharing keep your head up my love !!!!!!