Living with a narcissist

[Arinal]

Hi!

I house share with a couple.

Their bedroom is downstairs; mine is upstairs

They're raising their granddaughter; I'm single

They have two large dogs one very destructive; mine is small and annoyingly loud....

We've been friends for years so house sharing during rising costs in this pandemic to save money seemed feasible.

I'm so miserable! I used to talk to a friend about it but I stopped because they're a psychologist by trade and I felt I was crossing a line. I'm planning to bring this up with my therapist at our next session but it's not until October ☹️

The wife is loud by nature which isn't the problem. The problem is that even though decisions should be considered three ways she either gets what she wants or relents and makes sure its her husband to get what he wants or their grandchild...

Yes my name is on the lease and I'm trying really hard to be more assertive but doing so without being mean. I just don't know what that looks like. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

[Arinal]

I've been trying to do just that. I guess I need to dig my toes in a little deeper. Thank you.

[LucozadeOrange]

It’s hard in that situation especially with 3 and two are a couple. The odds are always outweighed.

Most important thing is making sure your space is your space. I lived with 3 girls once and it was toxic. As much as we disagreed on everything including bills, they made it uncomfortable in communal areas I.e kitchen and living room but I made sure my room was the best I could make it so that it was mine.

I definitely think try talking but as I said it’s hard when it’s against a couple…. If you all pay the same then you all have equal says assertive is hard but just don’t shout or give them a reason to disagree. Your points will be valid and they can’t argue against you if you’re being calm about it. If you haven’t stood up to them it will probably make them take a step back the fact you’re addressing it.

[Arinal in reply to LucozadeOrange]

Being assertive is difficult for me but I am trying. The bills aren't equal and I've addressed that as well but nothing came of it. These issues will be brought up again I just need to make sure I'm in a good head space. Thank you!

[Midori]

Did you lease the place together or are you the principal Leaseholder?

If you are the Principal, you hold the cards.

You can start making the rules about how the bills, etc are paid. Do it in writing so there can be no arguments, and make sure they pay a fair amount!

Do you have access to the whole house, or not?

Are you in the USA, or UK? it can make a difference.

[Nanii]

The last part of your post made me think of a very good book. "Nonviolent communication" by Marshall Rosenberg. If you have android, you can read it for free in the "unlimited ebooks" app. It could help you state what you want in a compessionate matter. The book goes quiet deep with a lot of different examples of situations.