How did I appear really?

[EricJones]

I went to Wawa with my roommate and my roommate said I looked anxious with my eyes and stiff with my body. We were waiting for our pizza to be done. My question to all of you is. If he wasn't focused in on me like he was would he have noticed? Did other people notice me? I'm really psyching myself out right now and idk what to do. Talk to me.

[Stippler]

Hi Eric, I often feel the same way and I cannot answer your question. But for me, if I give myself permission to "look nervous," it sometimes makes me less self-conscious, or at least lowers my anxiety about it. Whether you are nervous or not, you have as much right to be there as anybody else, and it doesn't matter what your state of mind is. I hope this is helpful. I am holding you in healing light.

[EricJones in reply to Stippler]

I'm just so afraid people will look at my behavior/body language and give me a dirty look or a confused look. Like, "what's wrong with this guy?"

[Stippler in reply to EricJones]

I hear you. I often feel the same way, and struggle with the same issues. You are not alone in this. Sending positive energy.

[LiamMC in reply to Stippler]

Such a good question Eric and a great reply from Stippler. I took am highly aware of others and self.conscious of how I come across to people yet not so much on them. We should learn to be kinder to ourselves and appreciate they noticed and shared. You might not have been feeling that way so I guess no point worrying.

[Agora1]

Your roommate knows your mannerisms more clearly. The average joe on the street

not only couldn't care less but is wrapped up in his own thoughts.

I hope you enjoyed the pizza when it came. You made me want to order one tonight lol.

I know Eric, if we met you in person, we would think nothing of you looking anxious

because we would all be in the same position as you.

Maybe we would look like a deer caught in the headlights, or we would be tapping

our feet, jutting our head forward in anticipation and having our shoulders up to our

ears etc.

But we wouldn't be looking at other's mannerisms because we all react the same.

We're more high strung than the average person and that's not bad, it's just who

we are. xx

[EricJones in reply to Agora1]

but why was my roommate even concerned with how I looked? Why did he have to say anything? And how do you know others didn't see me reacting the same way?

[Agora1 in reply to EricJones]

As for your roommate, have you ever been with your mom or dad and noticed

that they might not have been feeling good? It's not that we are looking at them

but notice it in passing. Because we care, we ask how they are. Did you ever have

someone say, "Boy, you looked tired" It's not that they are staring at you purposely,

it's just a normal glance where they may notice puffy eyes and tiredness. They don't

mean anything bad by it. It's done more about concern for you.

And even if others did happen to notice how you were acting, what difference

would it make? We all have problems and issues. Having a headache can be noticed

by someone else, because we are in pain. We can't let it bother us..

[EricJones in reply to Agora1]

Well it bothers me because I don't want to be called out about it. I want to have my body language be to myself and myself only. If people pick up on it, then they can keep it to themselves.

[Agora1 in reply to EricJones]

Eric, that's true in that anyone who really knows you well should know that

you are very sensitive to any comments regarding your demeanor. It would be

wise if they kept it to themselves. They probably think that it's showing you

that they care.

This has got to be very wearing for you each time you are with other people.

We may all give our own reasons as to what you can or shouldn't do, but this

is serious enough for you to only seek the help of a professional. It's a deep

seated issue that must have started a long time ago and just keeps growing in your mind.

Believe me in that none of us like to be stared at. Breathe Eric, I can feel

your tenseness in your words. xx

[LiamMC in reply to Agora1]

I really liked your comments Agora1 🤗💯

[Agora1 in reply to LiamMC]

Thank you Liam, I feel his pain xx

[CL3V3R-G1RL]

If he wasn't focused on you, he probably wouldn't have noticed. He just noticed it today and thought he was being a friend by asking if you're anxious. Maybe it's time to have a talk with your roommate about your anxiety and let him know that body language is a big issue to you. And if he can not mention your body language. Cause you're still working on it. Of course only if you feel comfortable sharing that with your roommate.

As for other people well it's hard to say if people notice you. Do you notice people? Do you study those around and look at their body language and see if they are anxious, sad, in pain or happy? Most people just go on with their lives and don't really notice things around them. Other People do notice other people however it's not a lasting memory. People aren't rushing home to say "Hey I was at Wawa's and there was this black guy there who looked nervous AF while waiting for a pizza. So what movie are we watching tonight?" That doesn't happen. It's a passing thought and people just move on with their life. Your body language is not important enough to remember for these people. You shouldn't concern yourself with what people may think of you anyways. Because they are strangers. People you will never meet or see again. They don't live with you, they don't pay your bills, they don't eat with you and they don't sleep with you. So you shouldn't pay them no mind.

[EricJones in reply to CL3V3R-G1RL]

thanks Cl3v3r-GIRL. Yeah i hope they don't care to notice my stiff and awkward body language. That would be a nightmare to me, if someone else other than my roommate was to say something to me about it.

[MaggieSylvie]

Hi Eric, I can see that this issue is diminishing; you are less worried than you were say a month ago, so well done. Your room-mate is lacking some extra awareness; he has noticed how you are - yes - but he has not thought what effect his remarks would have on you. That is actually his problem, but if he is so inconsiderate, you could tell him not to draw attention to your body language because of how it makes you feel.

I don't know if it helps, but someone came up to me in a church once (we were having a break from rehearsing) and asked me if I had a migraine. It wasn't anyone I knew, but I agreed that I did, and she said she could tell from my body language. I was actually grateful to have someone recognise how I was without my drawing attention to it. I find it's a help when I don't have to tell people (not that I suffer from migraines any more) because it's the thought that I have to keep going because no-one knows how ill I'm feeling - it's invisible. I don't really know what body language I was showing at the time - think it was stiffness, but that was just one person - one very sensitive person who recognised I was suffering.

In the same way, suppose a sensitive stranger could recognise that you are suffering from anxiety, from your body language, but unless they were trained to help you in some way, it would be a passing thing, and they would be on to the next thing they notice somewhere else. So it's like everyone else says - no-one gives a damn.

I would think what Stippler says could probably be very useful to you. Go in peace, Eric😊😊😊.