My therapist and work

[Itsjust]

I feel like there is still so much work to do, so many experiences and traumatic experiences to take on, i have a default schema, idk if you guys know what that is but, the sessions go a lot like just her validating what i feel, and continue to do so, and just me figuring out what i have and me discovering, and that is being good, but sometimes i feel like i haven't learned anything and i am afraid of not doing th things i need, she says i should just feel my emotions, but i can't, i just can't, idk what it is but i just hate it, i hate feeling this s* i can't take it anymore, and alone, sometimes everything comes at once, and i am afraid of asking her for help, because i am also afraid of being borderline, so i don't share my feelings and ask her more for help because of that, but she says i don't have that, and i sometimes feel like she is lying to me, bcs why wouldn't i have? she says i have c-ptsd, but i should belive her right? xD But yeah, a lot of trauma and experiences from the past has been coming to my mind and body, and i've been crying so much, i haven't cried like a lot in feeling my feelings until now, i've been crying more, and being more open with my emotions, i had so many difficulties in this thing, of emotions, and now i feel like when i cry (not in like a depressed mood, although it's a lot of crying) i feel like i am crying in like processing so many experiences, and i feel relived after, but then it feells like there is so much more to work on, and it all starts coming again, and i feel so much anxiety. Idk what is happening, and that scares me, bcs i don't know if it's normal to feel this experiences from trauma for so long, i am afraid of this representing a personality disorder, but she says i don't have it and i want to belive her, bcs i am afraid of psychological diseases (like hypocondria but for psychological matters)

[artisticcatowner]

I had a hard time with my therapist because she kept on asking me why I was talking to her, and I couldn't give her the "right" answer. Lol me and her did not get along very well.

[Ryanlion]

Sounds to me like you are doing very well. You are healing and it is shit. As long as you feel, you can heal. All the crying is normal and all the emotions you are feeling is part of the process. Its like peeling an onion, rip a layer off and underneath is another layer. Trust your therapist she is telling you the truth they are not allowed to lie. I too am crying an ocean & anvxiety comes with it but i want to be well & free of medication & the past. You must reach out to her when you need help & be honest with her. Remember Borderline is just a label psychiatrists stick on people to put them in a box. You are exceptionally brave because healing our past is so painful and not many people choose to do it. If it is taking so much out of you tell your therapist and she may slow the process down. It will be worth it in the end because your future will be amazing. I only wish i had had the opportunity to do this work while i was young but better late than never. Keep going warrior and have compassion for yourself, believe me you are normal.

[Itsjust in reply to Ryanlion]

Your comment meant everything to me, it made my day, thank you so much for the reinforcement and encorajament to feel and continue my process and sharing your experience, is amazing to have that support from someone who knows the work and just don't see people as diagnoses bcs thats been very hard for me having trauma and all therapists wanted to put me in a box, while i always felt like i just had so many things to process from my past and heal and feel and it's so hard to do that and i never belived that i was being brave bcs many times i just want to process all at once bcs i feel that is the way but having you saying that is hard is a relief bcs i sometimes don' even realize what i am doing is really hard but like you said i am choosing not to bring it to my future and being fully healed, i agree with you there is no time to be healed and you also choosing that is amazing, it really takes so much work bcs its like tight to your identity this experiences and the processing and integrating is so exhausting, but while in my process i felt many times that it has made a change, sometimes i feel so at peace, like i am changing for a more strong and more confident me, not just seeing my experiences through the eyes of a broken person who "people made fun, or people hurt" i am seeing that people were disfuncrional towards me and i was always strong and capable of defending myself, crazy how some experiences really hurt you and you try to hide them, only hurting yourself more.

[Ryanlion in reply to Itsjust]

Well done i am so glad i helped you. We warriors are a rare but amazing & beautiful bread x