Married or Divorced

[Dfnym]

How many people here with depression have not been divorced? I'm married, but having major problems. I wonder if marriage can survive depression.

[silentdreamer20]

I am married. I have PTSD, depression, anxiety, along with other chronic health conditions. My spouse gets tired sometimes, I think when he feels that the majority of everything is on him. But for the most of it, he is very supportive. We have had some hard times, don't get me wrong. Being with someone with chronic health problems is hard, financially and emotionally, but we work through things together. To be completely honest, since I got into therapy things have looked up a lot in our marriage. Even he has noticed that therapy has been a good addition for me and he encourages me to keep with it. I know my depressive cycle, but didn't acknowledge it, so he started to recognize it and started encouraging me to go out. Even if it was just for a drive to get ice cream. One day (before it got cold) he asked me to ride with him. He got me a mocha and he brought my favorite book and we sat on the river and just relaxed for a bit. He later told me that he read that was good for me to do. He puts in an effort to help. He doesn't do it all of the time, but it's definitely a team effort. Sometimes, I know it's real hard for him because he works his butt off and then he has to worry about me. He can see when I'm heading in a spiral, and he tries to catch it in the beginning to start helping me. He has learned to be observant of my behaviors, but my having epilepsy and Lupus has made him observant anyways. It's a team effort. It's not easy, that's for sure. I do agree with my husband on therapy, it has done wonders for me.

[Dfnym in reply to silentdreamer20]

Thanks for the reply. I can't seek help right now. I desperately need it, but there are circumstances that prevent me from doing so at the moment. I don't know exactly when those circumstances will be resolved, but for now, I am very alone in the world.

How long have you been married, if you don't mind me asking? I've been married 16 years, and I love my wife dearly. She is my world, but I have messed up a lot, and I have disappointed her a lot. I think it's too late to fix anything now. The damage I've done is too much. As much as I try to change and be better, I fail time and time again.

I have a hard time opening my heart to her and trusting that she will love me for who I am. I think it's fear of abandonment. I'm not sure. My parents and siblings abandoned me. I haven't talked to them in many years, and recently I was in one of the most difficult situations of my life, and they came and saw, and did nothing. The left me. They abandoned me. Something is definitely wrong with me and I need help, but I can't right now.

[silentdreamer20 in reply to Dfnym]

We have been married for 6 years, but together for 14. We have a 12 year old together. Our relationship has been a rollercoaster. I get it when you say things have happen that you don't think she can overcome. We have been in that situation. If you want to private message me, you can.

I couldn't afford therapy until recently. I joined support groups and I met two people who really helped me. We ended up becoming friends and talking a lot. They really helped me through a lot. Sometimes it just takes having someone you can talk to, who you can be honest with (without judgement) who can help you through things. I had a real problem with holding everything in and just smiling on the outside. All that did was make me feel like I was dying inside. For years I was so unhappy and I didn't tell a soul. I smiled and pretended for so long, thinking eventually I would become how I acted to be. I only made it worse though, and then it was damn near impossible for me to be honest about how I felt. I didn't know how to be honest about feeling empty inside because I hid it for so long. Now, I have certain people (aside from my therapist) I can be completely honest with, and that helps me stay grounded. It's always good to have a support system. And now, with the internet and all of these support groups, it's possible to find that.

You aren't alone.

[Roxylox]

I think my husband has felt the weight of my depression when l had a few bouts, we got through. I am now facing physical health problems. He seems to be facing up to that better than he did to my mental health problems.

[Hidden]

My marriage of 30 years imploded due to my mental health issues. But not all marriages fail. Sorry to be a downer

[Hidden]

I was with someone for a long time and we split up, we don’t have any kids. We both have mental health issues and besides that, financial troubles. I just don’t know how to make it work anymore. We are still friends in a lot of ways and we talk on the phone. We’ve always tried to be supportive to each other. I don’t know about trying to date again. I don’t want to even try online dating.

[Joshgw]

I am also married with major marriage problems. I think if you have depression, it goes with the territory. By nature it is a selfish disease. With me at least, it's hard to function, contribute to the house, always Crying. We have had an unequal marriage for a very long time. We've been together for 23 years and have a 12 year old son. I have this emotional paralysis/inertia where I can't do anything. I'm just stuck. She has to do everything, including cooking and finances, things I took care of when I was healthier. She takes care of everything, logistics, planning. I can't even help plan my son's bar mitzvah.

She's very resentful and angry. She gets no help from me. We've been in couples therapy twice.

So far she's still here. I know she still loves me.

True, we have a lot problems. She does everything, I can't do anything creating a real unequal marriage. But we're still trying therapy and she's still here. We're surviving so far. Get help and keep trying.

[Babe1213]

I am nearly 75 years old - married 54 years - Severe depression from the age of 30 - 65 - horrendous depression. We both went through a lot - most of my depression caused by childhood abuse, trauma and his family who hated me, and tried to buy me off on our wedding day - they wanted to give me money to leave him at the altar, and again offered money to leave him and our firstborn child - I never told him any of this until after his parents had died. But we worked together, have a thriving family - 3 children, 15 grandchildren (inc: 2 step G C) 4 great grandchildren + 2 coming in new year. Wishing you well. Marriage CAN and DOES survive if you want it bad enough. If you don't want it - then leave.