i'm a failure at life and i just want to end it all

[genericusername01]

i'm 21 years old and in a sense i'm chris chan considering i don't think about bathing or taking care of myself and i'm just too stupid to function. it never occurs to me to do anything besides just sit in my room and look at a screen. i'm with a job agency that's helping me get back on my feet, again, after just being a failure at finding and keeping a job, and i have a therapy appointment on the 18th. i can't keep my promises to my mom and brother, who i live with, to actually change my lifestyle and help out around the house without someone telling me to. i believe i shouldn't exist if all i'm going to do is just sit in my room and rot away. i don't think about eating or really taking care of myself because i probably just don't care since i know my life will go literally nowhere because i'm just a fucking retard. i'm somewhat struggling with the urge to just go kill myself since it's not like i'm actually doing anything positive in anyone's life. i never think about taking my anti depressants or anti anxiety meds, so, what good am i if i'm just fucking up constantly?

[Hidden]

phone Samaritans and seek your doctor for advise please and do as matter of urgency. You need help. By all means talk here but I am trying to sleep as work tomorrow

[genericusername01 in reply to Hidden]

thank you for your response, but, i don't want help from the clergy

[Roxylox in reply to genericusername01]

The Samaritans are not the clergy, despite the name making it sound as if they are

[Raggedy-Ann]

hi, First take your meds, that is your way to get out of the hole. I know it well. You need to take some responsibility to care for yourself, take a shower. I know that seems like a huge task but it really helps raise your mood. Eat something healthy you are going to need energy for the next step. Start focusing on a task you can do each day set a time like 15 min. Take out the trash, or 15 min doing dishes, change your sheets and put them in the washer. When you retreat to your room, you will have a sense of accomplishment. It is about baby steps. if you think about it 15 min is not long out of 24 hours. Or you need to go to the ER they can get you the help you need.

[Hidden]

Hi. I can relate to the feelings you’re experiencing, I’ve felt that way many times myself. In the past I’ve made two serious suicide attempts. Please try to get yourself some help. Don’t give up. Try to find someone you can talk to. If you’re not comfortable talking to any of your family or friends, call a crisis line. I believe now you can dial 988 as suicide hotline. You might want to look into seeing some kind of therapist. God does not make junk. You’re going through a tough time right now, but you won’t be like this forever. Try to make some kind of small effort to do something. And know that suicide is never the answer. I’m glad I’m still alive. There is always hope.💖

[Blueruth]

988 is a nation (US) phone number to connect you with a variety of health resources. Your health department website may also have a mental health resource page. As you are 21 and at home are you under your mother’s health insurance? That is another resource. The point is you have help available.

Fact… if you’re taking antidepressants sporadically you are exacerbating your self deprecating feelings. If you haven’t let them do their job spacing out is totally possible. If it is the wrong med no doctor can assess that because you aren’t taking them regularly. Put a reminder on your phone or get someone to remind you. I used to do that. You have to develop a habit that eventually requires little thought or effort.

[Raggedy-Ann in reply to Blueruth]

or get a daily pill box. Sometimes I can't remember if I took it or not. the box really helps.