“Why is light given to those in misery and life to the bitter of soul?
To those who long for death which does not come?
Who search for it more than hidden treasure?
Who are filled with gladness and rejoice when they reach the grave?
For sighing comes to me instead of food.
My groans pour out like water.
What I feared has come upon me.
I have no peace. No quietness.
I have no rest, but only turmoil.”
did you write that?
I heard on an episode of ER and I never forgot it. It's message captures exactly how I feel. I keep a copy taped to my bedroom door so that it is never far from my mind. Some people are just not meant to EVER be happy and death is the way to forever escape that pain. I hope that it finds me very soon.
(not meant ever to be happy)
SB - i soooooo get ya...
here's my thought about that...
I think people that are smarter - people that are truth seekers - people unafraid to admit horrible truths in themselves and the world around them... people, it sounds like, you and me... will never truly be 100% thru and thru happy.
the only people this happy - are those that are incapable, or unwilling to see the world as it is - and instead live in a fantasy world in their head. these people are truly dilutional. i have some in my family. and i doooo envy them their ignorance. for truly it is blissful beyond measure!!!!
but here's the good news.... we CAN still find tinier pieces of happiness. we can appreciate those bits, when we find them. cherish them like a single black pearl in a pile of crap. because where there's one - there ARE more. we gotta dig thru some nasty-ass crap to find 'em - but they are there!!!
keep diggin! you're not alone.
my friend 13ga read my mind here - life sucks. the only thing we can do is power through our bad phases. there WILL be good things in your life and even when it seems like the world is going to end, if you can hold onto those cherished memories and laughter you may just find yourself becoming a bit happier.
If I could rate how right you are on a scale of 1-10 (10 being the best), I'd rate you at about 100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000. As you say ignorance truely is bliss.
TY, RA -
and i must say... if you agree w/ me - then either:
you're less random or less asshole
or i'm more....
either could be just as true; and i'm sure both more likely! 
tx for the smile!
You are my tribe! And your "single black pearl in a pile of crap" comment, was one single black pearl in my pile of crap. Thank you for letting me know that I am also not alone. I'll keep diggin too!
Live and enjoy life and find something that interests you. Lots of people on this site going through such thing but they come through this - things change and hope and faith triumph. It's a miracle this life - live to full - force yourself - small goals to bigger ones
From my perspective, things never get better and life is a curse.
(things never get better; life a curse)
all true - and will become true - if you keep letting yourself hear that message.
our brains are a dangerous, wonderful thing. they believe what you tell them - regardless of truth or falsehood. don't believe me? just ask a flat-earther. apologies to anyone that thinks the earth is flat. you're wrong. get over it. but i also respect your right to be wrong. enjoy whatever makes you happy - but keep it to yourself! 
if you tell yourself, you're feeling a little better - sooner or later your brain will fall in line, and believe that. you might even think it's complete bullshit while you're saying it - but if you voice the better, and do your best to ignore the "bullshit voice" - you brain will obey!!
I have no hope or faith. Sometime I'm firmly believe that God just flat-out hates me and will kill me before he will ever allow me to be happy or at peace. Maybe there is just something about me that really ticks him off.
I am sorry you are feeling that way - God forgives and you should give yourself a chance, too. God has compassion - that you apply to others give to yourself. You matter and your world probably has chances or opportunities in it - finding and taking
SB - (no hope/faith; god hates you)
again, SB - i get ya.... i hear you, and others - all the pain, all the grief, all the injustice, bigotry, negativity...
it's because of all those bad things - i think there TRULY can NOT be a god. I think, if there is any version of a god - it exists only in the hearts and minds of those that believe. i envy their belief, and the peace it brings them.
i'm missing that kind of peace - but i have another kind of peace - and maybe this is something that will lend you some comfort...
there are 2 possibilities - there is a god, and there's a reason it's (i do not like gender assumptions here) putting you thru all the pain you have. in which case, if you're a believer, then you should trust your path. seek forgiveness, in others, but especially in yourself. seek acceptance.
OR - there is NO god - which is truly a good thing!!! a miraculous thing ;p) (yes, pun intended). why is this good? because it means you are NOT bound; NOT tied to your path!!! it means there IS NO god to hate you! you are truly free to make your own choices, and change your path! it means there's no heaven - and that's good - because then there's no hell either! it means that when you die - you truly rest in peace! you're not forced to live out a boring eternity watching others live. BUT - that means - you need to appreciate life while you have it! you shouldn't just be alive - you should LIVE.
either way - there's hope; and there's direction... but - either way - YOU still have to take the steps!
and they don't have to be big steps.... just little ones... and keep taking them... before long - you'll look back and wonder how you got so far...
hope - there is hope. take a bite, and then take a step!
I absolutely love your comments. So I hope you'll forgive the following nerdy pedantry: Your logicaly consistant but It's something of a straw man argument. There are many different ideas of god (even some materalist ones as wierd as that sounds) and your argueing against one idea of god and using that to dismiss all ideas of god (thus why I am calling it a strawman). No disrespect is intended here, I partially agree with you. You sound like you might enjoy philosphical discussion as much as I do, if so feel free to DM me. I would love to talk with someone as thoughtful as you.
RA -
love your reply (and your nom de plume - i have a self-proclaimed PhD in assholeology); and i welcome constructive criticism and respectful debate.
i agree with you... i was cutting a few corners, to try to be less wordy, and stay on point - something i don't always do well...
i look forward to our discussion... i'll DM u later...
Sorry you are feeling this way. If you keep filling your mind with this sort of thing, it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Happiness comes from within. But if you fill yourself with negativity, there will be no room for happiness. Nevertheless, it is a beautifully written and powerful message.
Don't give up on yourself.
Seeing as how the thought of suicide crept into my brain when I was seven and I am now 53, I think that is accurate to say that I gave up on myself a long time ago. My life has just been a constant fight to find happiness and peace of mind. I can honestly say that the fight has all gone out of me. I just have nothing left. I just want to leave this world and finally rest, hopefully in peace, but I'm really not counting on that either.
Sorry life has been such a struggle for you. I hope you are not planning to act on these feelings.
As far as your fight to find happiness and peace of mind, maybe you have been trying too hard? It’s never too late to try again. You get as many second chances as you decide to take. But once you decide you will never be happy, it will come true like a self fulfilling prophecy. Now I am repeating myself. 😕
Do you practice self care, meditation, positive affirmations, or anything of that sort?
Phone emergency hospital crisis team or mental health team if feeling really down
I just want to enjoy my happy blessed life
I don't want to reach rock bottom because it might be my end
A part of my life , and wanting a solution 
I wish I would have energy to just live my life
I just wanted someone to be there.
