I have so much anger in my heart. Whenever someone gets too close to me when im in a parked car i have the window down I get mad and im very short tempered. I hate being like this.
Anger in my heart: I have so much... - Anxiety and Depre...
Anger in my heart
Written by
Nothingnoted
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75 Replies
•
hI there geinki do you know we're this anger comes from have you had a bad experience in your past ! Try and get a appointment with your doctor or ask to see a psychologist I hope things get better for you soon take care david
Hi Celtic, Thank you. I have an appointment with my new therapist next week. Ive been told that it could be the depression and sadness under all the anger. I just wish i wasnt so angry. I always clench my fists trying to scare people off
What exactly are you so angry about? Talk to us.
Nothingnoted• in reply to
Im always angry and short tempered feel like i treated with suspicion and garbage everywhere i go. Feel better when i can stay in the house away from people. If i stay inside no critiscism, not being laughed or judged
• in reply toNothingnoted
I get it, there have been times I’ve felt like that too. Like some people just suck, I just want to be alone kind of thing. And that’s okay. There are good people out there though. You’re not going to meet them if you don’t let anyone get to know you.
Nothingnoted• in reply to
I understand that but usually when i do nice things for other people they turn on me and forget what i did for them. Several of my so called friend have used meand thrown me out into the garbage.
• in reply toNothingnoted
Yes, I’ve had some so called frienimies myself. Back when I was on Facebook I ran into that. Now I stay away from Facebook. Some people just have their own issues and they’re not very grateful. They’re out to see what they can use you for. I still say not everyone is like that. You just have to try to get to know some new people. It’s fine to keep to yourself for awhile. When you’re ready you can try to be part of the human race again. It’s okay to spend some time alone.
Nothingnoted• in reply to
It just that I always hear this saying its not good to be nice because people come back and Trigger and back stab you. Its really hard for me to trust people. When my mom was alive my mom would say you asked me 100 times if I loved and I said yes. In the Asian culture they are not affectionate
• in reply toNothingnoted
Well I’m sorry to hear that about your Mom. It’s always nice just to hear some words of encouragement or get a hug once in awhile. My Mom is pretty cool in a lot of ways. It’s my Dad that I have issues with. I don’t remember the last time I hugged my Dad, a lot of the time I avoid my Dad. I wish we had a better relationship but he is the way he wants to be.
Nothingnoted• in reply to
so glad you have your mom to be a strong support to you. Wish you the very best, G
Nothingnoted• in reply to
I zone out a lot. When im in a doctors office i close my eyes to avoid people.
Thank you, Twinkly
• in reply toNothingnoted
were u abused early or during ur life- not to intrude.......mean this toooooooootally respectfullly.......sympathtetically..........lots of anger in us men too is due to abuse and people always dismiss it as our problem............no.........its not......
Nothingnoted• in reply to
Abused from age 6 to 13 during the same time by a so called male family friend one of my olders sisters. Blocked it off in my head from 14 years old until at 23 when i startee ed working full time
• in reply toNothingnoted
ah again.......i beg beg beg of u ..........pleeeeeeeeeeeese do not be hurt by what im saying ...proomise me as i cant bear it..............makes total sense........that if a person were abused.........they are NOT going to trust......they are***** going to feeing intense angry and violation!!! and and aand..............u deserve***** a counslor that is sensitive to victims and the response anyone *** would..........just as i was man handled in the back of the hosptals no matter what..........think im not super angry and tihink anhone .........will ever come with ten foot bubble of me..............not hardly............know exactly where ur coming from.............normal response............to personla violation.............
Nothing_but_books• in reply to
There are tears in my eyes Brig, not anger. You named it. I never felt so understood.
• in reply toNothing_but_books
i saw many assault victims before and during my hospitalizaton.....soo shattering sooo violating esp at early age......(can relate but thats enough said) ...we are guarded and andnannad..........why would .........we blame dog or puppy....who was traumatized.............they either avoid...(which is only normal and adaptive...........seek healthy people who leave out genuine water and blanket......later food.......to which that dog or puppu will bond but.........only ..........to that.........person..................this happens all the time as a horse trainer.........we get horses in ............do not have a male rider assigned........do not x yx or z ...........and we listen.........most of the times horses and animals are not threatred by women .......and why women has such a better relathionhisp (estrogen of corse v the horses animals can sense testorterone and bodytone a mile away)..........that is only a normal reaction.......to trauma...........in my world we dont............dont dont work on it............we work to slowly earn that animals trust and u nevr betray.......this is like the ultimate fostoer mon or dad............and slowly let the anomal heal..............but...................bring in one guy and its will alaways be there..........get triggered in ten seconds............bring in an male and that mellow old dog that was abused with growl..............rightfuly so.............rightlyfll so and where i disagree with .........other approaches...........same wth riders who have had wrecks.............we just stand on a horse again.........weeks.........i dont care.............i dont .........i dont like being bullied and when im ready............then i will ask rfor more...........same wth any student or animal..........when they...........when they feel in control and tell me .........brig ill try a walk.........fine........................not babying them.........i dont myself.............like being pushed or bullied by coaches in any form...........we have to be ready..........and the fear which is real.............dissloves...........that is ony fair............and again
that animal which in my mind we are..........will...........feel scared......panic attacks and anadna d...........why ................wouldnt they...............anger is the old violations that again........i have from early and frm the way they ignred human rights inthe hospitas......and man handled us...........urs is a deep betray...........alllllllllllll real..........alllllllll reallll........deep betrray anger and ..........try to find........a counselor who speciallizes in victims (nooooooooo ur not acting like a victm ....dooo nooooooooot go there...........u areeeeeeee a victim ...........like the dog who was abused.............and like i said...........either they shut down.........avoid.......frind safe people or.........start to growl........say at any male who comes near......................or say the violator was in red pants...........its imprinted.............they dont need drugs..........they need an enviromant with men who dont go nera them and defnately dont wear red pants..................thats only right nd only fair................................healing of anyhone............takes tme.........there are tons of super carng people safe people safe safe safe not false safe...................it........happened to u................not .......ur fault any more than the violated puppy or dog......................dismiss anything that u dont feel is right or fits..............i can not not not bear.......hurting people.......that have already been harmed...........so forgive me if im off...........its not not not not ur fault.
Nothing_but_books• in reply to
"urs is a deep betray...........alllllllllllll real..........alllllllll reallll"
Yes.
No. I am not acting like a victim. I am a victim.
• in reply toNothing_but_books
yes yes yes uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu are the victim.......stay away ..........from people who like to play games or or ......stay...............with those............who relate..........dont let anyone..........turn things around..............uuuuuuuuuuuuuu were wronged...........what happened to uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu was
WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG........NEVER........WILL BE RIGHT........NEVER WAS .......ITS WAS WRONG.............PERIOD.............
Nothing_but_books• in reply to
Am I being presumptuous? You seem to know from your own hurt.
I'm gladdened to think of the abused horses being safe now. It's terrible to think of an animal being mistreated.
Nbp, Thank you for being very supportive of me I appreciate everything . I will always be supportive of you. Im so glad i have you as my friend
It's important, but it's not important. Oh, how do I be clear? You deserve to be listened to! You deserve to be safe. The creeps who who hurt you, that's all on them.
Easier said than done, I know, but recognize -- as Brig says -- we would have nothing but compassion if we saw an animal mistreated this way! You don't deserve it either.
Thank you, Nbp. I like what Brig said, too. Sometimes I worry about being on this site because I think people will start disliking me here too.
I hate to see animals hurt. Animals cannot stand up for themselves they are like little kids. People who hurt animals have no heart
If you're looking for a place where no one will dislike you, try Mars. There will always be people who find problems with something you do.
Our forum is full of supportive people. When you get to trust someone, tell them if someone is upsetting you. They'll help.
Thank you, Nbp
Nothing_but_books• in reply to
"and defnately dont wear red pants" 👍 🤣 🦜
• in reply toNothing_but_books
we get race horses in....................15 years later............u can tell this horse raced..........we accomodate that as riders...........what thoroughbred doesn t ahve a cat or goat or bud horse.......................they do if ur a horseman.. woman............
• in reply toNothing_but_books
(((((ur not*** being selfish..........or self centered..........or not considerate or neglecting others.........(not lecturing) but empathic women (and men) feel bad if they receive...........even if for 12 nano seconds....................trust.....me ..........ur nooooooooooooooooot a selfish person ur noooooooooooot being selfihs and sounds like ur very compassionate very humane and i could send u any lost puppy or kitten or goldfish to u .......and theyd be super cared for ......protected fiercely (rightfully fierceness....the matern instinct is NOT wrong.......thats our job as parents or pseudo parents) ...........and the more u allow urself to get some nurturing.........(any source...) the more u get bowl of milk too with the lost pupy........ish...........the more healed and u witll be there for others..........what many NOW know is esential is to take care of mom or whoerver the caretakers are..........they get drained and nooooooooooo one takes care of them.......................all farmers take care of the family and the workers in varous forms............they aint machines.........as our society seems to feel.............farmers not a dumb as many feel (not u not here)...........wse all are organic and isnt anyone who doesnt need........some..........soul food or spirtual food or whatever..........
human beings re not meant to endure abuse..........thats not right...........esp caretakers............need to be in not one way relathiohships two legged or four or whatever..............self care allows the rescuers and the nurtures to be storng enough healed enough to continue............ur nott bein selfish..........any more than a neglected plant or animal.............where this notion of peole needing i sbad.........i tottally do NOT agree with and ..........those folks...........not coming near my horses or animals.............thats .........totally ....................garbage
Nothingnoted• in reply to
Hi Brig, How are you, Brig?🙂
Well done in naming what has happened. That is an excellent start. I am honoured that you feel safe enough to share with us. None of this is your fault and there are many people out there who are able to guide and walk with you as you start your healing journey.
Thank you I love this site so much support and no bullying like the other sites
feelslike i dont feeI comfortable anywhere . i live with my sister and i know she loves me but always feel like the criticsm from her is hard. Because i do a lot of things wrong
• in reply toNothingnoted
what happends to dogs always kicked around? remove themselves...get armor.......stay with good people ......stay away from the abusers or start to growl when backed inot a corner.........hardly suprising..........same as bringing an abused animal around.........they only wnat to be in safe places and safe people .........why ............wouldnt they.............get tired of people who kick them around and will stay near people who are kind to them...........why wouldnlt they...........
• in reply to
same with horses.......we had an old timer who used to pin his ears.........well no one ever went in and just was nice to him......alwyas worked and put away.......why wouldnt he be sour............so i sent in my most kindest sweetest student who needed him too and she just loved on him and babied him...took him out of work .....long trail rides and pour n the thanks and praise anytime he did right.........wasnt fooling him but he was just used up and no one ever said naying nice.........a good good lesson for us..........balance their careers........why wouldnt he be mad.............we had to changer th program and change his program ...our bad not his.........year later a much happier horse..........we......or history (i didnt hurt him but inhereted him) .........he deserved better ....wasnt his fault........jut endlessly kcked aroudn or no one ever nice.........a very very good lesson for me............this is the only place that listens by the way.........was not not his fault.
Nothingnoted• in reply to
Thank you
Nothing_but_books• in reply to
It doesn't take a dog who's been abused long to learn trust. Nature made them four-legged angels.
I don't know if I can ever learn what was taken from me.
Not re-learn; learn! I have photos from when I was a toddler with sadness and fear on my face. My childhood was stolen. It's not fair! I didn't ask for it; Geinki didn't ask for it.
You didn't, Geinki. We didn't.
Hi Nbp, i am so sorry for everything that has happened to you. I wish i could have been there to protect you. I think thats why i like toys so much. Trying to relive my childhood. It isnt fair that our childhood was robbed of us. Please take care and be kind, gentle and loving to yourself. Im here for you please stay strong and i will always be here for you. Sending you gentle hugs and healing vibes. Your friend forever, Gg
Yes. I understand. I read juvenile fiction.
Amazing to speak and be understood. Thank you Geinki.
I will always be supportive of you. I am so sorry it brought up your childhood trauma, Love your friend, Gg
We did not deserve the childhood trauma we went through. Trigger warning. I will always have your back
Geinki, you need to take your own advice, also tell your sister she is not being supportive. Is it her house, if not ask her to leave. I know it may be more difficult as an ethnic minority, but feeling as if you do not belong is not exclusive to any one race. I am white and half of my friends are black or asian immigrants, or not, because we have similar insecurities and recognise this in each other I think. In my local area there are ethnic minority groups that get together, although if you want to get away from that try contacting Mind and seeing if they have any local groups you can go to meet people. You can also try your local church, or library to find any groups that might appeal, you do not have to be of the faith to attend church daytime groups/coffee mornings etc. You sound like a very capable person, have you thought of volunteering in a shop or in another local organisation like the WRVS? I live in south east England, I hope that you can get counselling soon, let it all out, find some empathetic friends and look to the future. Love Dee x
Its our family. I thank god for my sister she always supports me. What is Mind? im in California
Im going to a new therapist on Fridsy. Had been seeing one out of network i owe her about 500 dollars. Pay her 300 a month Im canceling her good therapist but totally un affordable
Mind is a mental health charity that offers help and advice, and sometimes organises groups people can attend for free, there was a local one in my area, it was a trial for women over 55 with mental health issues, I made 2 really good friends there and we are still in touch, over 2 years after the group finished. We were able to help a fourth member of the group move out of her 3 bed social housing house, that she couldn't afford and was getting more and more in debt with, to a nice one bed flat that suits her much better, she has made new friends there, started volunteering and going to church, although she doesn't get involved with us much any more, we know we were able to help her. Arranging the move was the easy part, the social housing company were very happy to get a 3 bed house back for other people and to stop their debt to them get bigger and bigger, and very happy to give her a one bed flat in exchange. The actual move, we all chipped in, our disabled member with a large van doing a large lot of the moving, with able bodied help to load and unload each end, actual move wasn't that far, maybe a mile, her house had virtually been emptied as her grown up kids had moved out anyway. I hope you can find an organisation that can help you too in the US. 😀
Thank you . I appreciate. So close to giving up
Sending you a gentle hug🙂🤗love, Gg
Hi Geinki. Thank you.
You are welcome🤗🤗🤗
that is shame turned outward.
ank you that makes a lot of sense to me Th
Last week I became angry over small things myself which I feel what was behind it was being worried about getting another job and home and and having an injection last Wednesday and interviews and ormones didn't help either!
On the Tuesday morning I had a job interview for 11.30am and had met up with a friend for a catch up who lives nearby so we decided to go for coffee before I went in and I had fancied a kit Kat with my tea but they didnt have any and I was annoyed!
Then after the job interview we went to lunch at a pub and we had wanted desserts but they never happened as we were ignored twice at the bar so we walked out and went without and had gone to the loo and my phone went and by this point I was infuriated!
Then we got some desserts from the co op in the village and I called them back and yes it was a phone call to put me on the spot and I said to them how I was no longer interested in their job and it was like I hadn't quite slammed the phone down on them!
Yesterday we were laughing about the not getting the desserts thing last Tuesday and my friends said how we have all been there at some point when small things like that feel like the world has ended and I said it's a lesson in knowing not to go to those places again and also not going to that employer again who tried to put me on the spot and I was in no mood for that nonsense when it was like I hadn't quite slammed the phone down on them
Friday morning I had decided to get on with some house and job hunting and it was 9am and the letting agents had come in to sort out quotes for work to be done on the empty flats after they had sent everyone notice to leave back in July and I was annoyed having my peace and quiet disturbed and had told myself to take things easy it's my home and I wasn't going out because of them!
If I had wanted to have gone out off my own accord fair enough but what I did was I stayed in as planned and got on with what I had planned and sorted out a viewing for Tuesday coming at 11.30am at a house up the road!
What I was really angry over was about having choices taken off me and my life disrupted and the coming in at 9am brought up all that anger and resentment!
When you look behind these little things that set you off there's always something else behind it.
Dansing• in reply to
You are to stressed out!
Try to take it easy, this world is not perfect!
I used to be the same ,.to stress out for every little think.
Guess what?
My anxiety went up and I got in depression.
im on meds from.my o pshiatrist.
Hi
When we bottle things up for a period of time they are going to manifest in other ways.
Short fuse and irritability can come with depression.
Keep working through this. Understanding will come.
❤️🐬
• in reply toDolphin14
Its always the way isn't it how little things add up!
Yesterday I enjoyed a day out with my friends to Cardiff Bay where we went for drinks and dinner and bowling which we all really enjoyed doing!
We hadn't done that for a long long time and I feel you enjoy things more when you have been made to wait for them!
At Cardiff Bay there's a Japanese restaurant called Volcano that's recently opened and we popped in to get a feel for the place and one friend had kittens at the prices there saying how could anyone afford to eat there at those prices and I said how we save up to go to those places and then enjoy it more simply due to being made to wait!
In regard to the house and job hunting my friends say these things will come in due course when I am ready for them!
Dolphin14• in reply to
H Catgirl
I agree, when I have to sit for something I find it more gratifying as well. I'm glad you got out and enjoyed yourself.
I wish you well with the job and house hunting... things do fall into place.
Enjoy your Sunday
❤️🐬
• in reply toDolphin14
brilliant well said. excellent excelent excellent...
Anger and resentment are often the result of one of “your” rules being over ruled…the choices you make being changed by anyone or anything else.
These unwritten rules that help you set boundaries are often fine in the privacy of your home environment…but difficult to apply once outside in the world where others have set their boundaries and rules.
The blame game…he should have she should have they should have plus the jumped conclusions of what someone else may be thinking about you without them saying anything…can make a situation seem like all is against you..
Therapy is one option….behavioral cognitive…or learn to accept what ever happens that’s outside you control…choose to be calm and happy…stressful situations are part of life…master the art of relaxation and acceptance…who cares what people think inside their heads…it’s what you think of THEM that counts.
Nothingnoted• in reply to
Thank you. Feels like no hope
• in reply toNothingnoted
You can remap your mindset….but it starts with you….you make a new choice…so you can live the life you want…and get professional help…remember no one else is better than you …we are all the same creature…never give up….because it’s never too late.
HI G.
Have U spoken to a medical professional about this as it could be a number of things & even though in this group we try to help one another , as far as I'm aware none of us are medically qualified.
A suggestion if I may please. Book an appointment to see ur doctor & if its a him , ask for a her failing that a nurse clinician who is a lady. U need to be listened to properly & then hopefully they can help U deal with it all.
ive made so many mistakes in my work life. I know the idea sounds crazy but my doctors are not treating me good anymore. i feel its my job. I dont have muchleave left but i feel like entering a crises center constantly in tears and my hearts feels like it shaking. I wont do anything due to religion
If U feel like going to a crisis centre , then maybe U should as it may be ur only help. As for religion. U need to put ur health in the priority column.
We are all gods children & we need human help too. If God didn't want humans to have medical help , then God wouldn'thave blessed those people with the intelligence to invent the medicinesthat help us & heal us. Give urself that chance to help urself.
I wish U love & light on journey .
Thank you, Dodge. Just feel like everyone is against me in the world. Had a good couple of cries last night and this morning and I feel better🙂 Thank you I wish you the very best, too💜
Thank you & most of all remember that if U need a cry , then cry & to hell with others. Do what I'd best for U even if no one else gets it . So put U first
Thank you, Dodge for everything.🤗🤗🤗
I hear you. I’m short fused too. I also hate it. I’ve gone through intense therapy. It improved slightly meaning I still get mad easily but I’ve learned through therapy how to control And react different.
I hate it, too. I hope you feel better soon Wiggity whack gave me a great video to look at
The same thing happens to me. A bit of serendipity here — the YouTube algorithm pointed me to this video this morning, and then I find a link to your post in my inbox an hour later!
thank you I watch the video and it was very helpful really appreciate it🤗🤗
I haven't watched the video yet, but the comments below the video really struck home. Thank you so much for leaving this link!
It was a really good one. I just wanted to 'Thank you" for being my friend💜💜💜💜💜
Thank you🤗
Know what you mean. I get stressed or out of patience and up goes the temperature guage to where I became something ugly and uncivilized. The worst part of it is the guilt component that is always at the center of it. It's something you've got to get shed of but what you project, you undertake. And herein lies the basis of fear, though may not always be so obvious.
But part of what is driving it for me is a protracted (6 yrs) Benzodiazepines recovery that can rep havoc upon your CNS.
Hi Catt, How are you doing kiddo? Im always apologizing to my poor sister with my anger out burst. i hate myself more when i do that. I feel so no good when i do that. Mental illness is so hard. Im on 600 milligrams of Gabarpentin to relax me, Buproprion Xl, Sertraline and Seroquil nothing seems to work anymore. Im sorry im talking too much
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