Why should I try?

[Milkshake_15]

(potentially triggering)

I have been trying for years to overcome the stupid decisions I made as a teenager but nothing I do ever goes anywhere. I can't find a job. No one will give me a chance (please don't comment this is common, I know it is and I'm told this all the time) and I don't see a point anymore. I don't feel like I matter. If I bit the dust tonight there would be a thousand other people who could take my place. I failed, case closed. I couldn't figure out life fast enough before COVID and now it feels like I never will.

I'm ready to give up on myself and accept that the life I dreamt about is never going to happen because I was so PROFOUNDLY stupid as a kid. I never thought about how my decisions would affect my future and now they've destroyed it. I'm tired of trying, of fighting tooth and nail just to end up in the same place again and to what end? I don't know what I'm fighting for anymore. A life where I spend every waking moment worrying about money? Wow, that's so worth getting out of bed for.

I keep hoping that things will change, they'll get better, but it never does. I don't want to try anymore and why should I? I'll just fail at it. Miracles don't happen for me. No one gives me a chance. No matter how hard I try it'll never be enough. It feels like the only way I'm getting out of this situation is a body bag. 😖

[Stippler]

Welcome to the group! I am sorry you are feeling this way. I was wondering if you have a therapist you could talk with? Another resource can be reached by dialing 988. It is the crisis hotline, and I hear they can help refer you to help you might not be aware you qualify for. Again, I am sorry you are feeling so down. Sending hugs and prayers.

[Milkshake_15 in reply to Stippler]

I don't have a therapist. My insurance doesn't give a flying fig about mental health and I can't afford it.

Thanks for the prayers

[just_keep_swimming]

I feel you completely . I was at my lowest just about 2 years ago . I felt why should I keep trying for my dream when I just keep failing and what really drove the knife into me is I saw so many people I know accomplishing the things I wanted and I just became very depressed . I’m not sure what you did but for me it was changing my dream without losing what the main thing I wanted to do was . I gave up for a time and then two people I loved passed unexpectedly and I spiraled . What kept me going is knowing for me I want to be that person who has face adversity , who has been at thier lowest but was still able to accomplish something so I kept pushing even though I was exhausted and even though I’m not where I want to be I keep try because I know even if I can help one person who was like me that will fill that void .

The no one gives you a chance part again I’m not sure what decisions you made before but I would say I also have felt that multiple times. I would just say keep applying to as many jobs even ones that you may think are out of your field or interest because it just takes that one person who believes in you .

If you ever want to talk more about it I’m always here ❤️

[Clarrisa]

I'd like to share with you a true story about my companion, Reinaldo (I have altered his name to protect his identity). He was born out of wedlock in Puerto Rico, lost his mother to illness around age 4, never knew his father and was raised by his financially strapped grandmother. At age 16 he accompanied her to the Bronx in New York City.

Reinaldo told me he was a extremely angry young man until one day he sat down by chance next to a older man on a bench in Central Park. This older man became his mentor, his name was Saul. Saul taught Reinaldo not to look at what he didn't have, but to look at what he did have and how to appreciate what he had. Saul taught Reinaldo that one's health was the most important thing one can have and Reinaldo had the health of youth. Reinaldo really listened to Saul because Saul was a concentration camp survivor. Saul had been through hell and back and taught Reinaldo how to put his bitterness aside and recognize what he had going for him.

Saul helped get Reinaldo's foot in the door lining up work in the Garment District delivering bolts of fabric to the seamstresses. Years later when I met him he was delivering oxygen tanks to hospital wards. He never forgot Saul.

If you Milkshake have a measure of pain free health this is a blessing Reinaldo learned. Do you have any access to a counselor that might be able to offer you some advice, leads, or support during this low point in your life? It is important to seek support when you are down because potential employers maybe picking up on a sad mood, or overall affect. Obtaining some support may help you overcome that obstacle, and better your chances of interviewing for employment successfully.

People are said to feel their greatest sense of frustration when things actually improve somewhat for them. Should you feel unable to hang in there please reach out to a suicide prevention hotline. They will hopefully be operating in your time zone and more readily available to lend a ear. Life has potholes in the road that one may fall into. We learn from experience how to avoid potholes, often by taking another road. Please don't give up your will to find a way forward. God Bless you Milkshake.

[Agora1 in reply to Clarrisa]

Beautiful story Thanks for sharing xx

[Milkshake_15 in reply to Clarrisa]

I needed this. I struggle with chronic conditions, fibromyalgia, arthritis (at 27 🤪), and an undiagnosed illness, but I've found myself thinking, who cares about my health? I need to take any job I can to make money, because money is the most important thing in life, which I know is madness but I'm having a hard time separating my worth from my success.

Thanks for your comment

[Clarrisa in reply to Milkshake_15]

Whenever I gave Reinaldo a gift, say a shirt he would remove a older shirt from his closet and donate it to charity. He lived a life completely unencumbered by worldly possessions. Google attributes the saying "Chance favors the prepared mind" to Louis Pasteur. As you likely have discovered HealthUnlocked has members with decades of experience trying to master their challenging health conditions. One can be discerning and learn from their experience. My mother use to quote a saying I've wished now I could remember exactly. It went something like - If you have a chronic illness you (then) learn how to take care of yourself. In other words you no longer take your health for granted anymore, you learn how to care for yourself properly and do, unlike someone who hasn't a care in the world. My mother also really emphasized that life isn't fair, as you have been finding out.

The psychic trauma is said to be the worse during the unknown diagnostic phase of any illness. You mentioned you are dealing with a unknown, this has been found to be the worst phase for patients. If you have access to any professional counseling now would be a good time to seek it.

Try not to let Wall Street warp your values! Reinaldo had the right idea. God Bless.

[Hidden]

Hey, keep trying. I was out of work for awhile where I thought no one would give me a chance either. I recently got a part time job doing stock work. It’s not much but it’s something. Sometimes you just have to keep knocking on doors until one opens up. Stop being so down on yourself. I think getting some kind of therapy would be helpful for you.