Personal Solution to Grief Trauma.

[NicksName]

I finally hit upon a personal solution that works for me!

After years of struggling with early loss and grief, I've done much work on myself with some success and acceptance of my brokeness in this regard.

The last few years have been fraught with panic in anticipatory grief. My husband is 20 years my senior. I have been so fortunate to have had almost 20 years with him. I knew and accepted that this time would come when I would have to face my trauma of grief again. So I been preparing with therapy, grief workshops etc... He even attends with me sometimes. ~

I've come to the realization that "for me" it's Not working. I'm missing the time we have together Now, lost in my fear of losing him and reliving that level of loss that few understand, but I know well.

from my journal:

"Trying to fill the impossible void I know will be my life without without him. It will be a "Why Bother" existence. I know this! This placating with thoughts & prayers and sorry for your loss, find a new hobby or purpose is lame bullshit! I KNOW THIS! Stop pretending and hoping it will be otherwise!"

I now have a personal solution that is working. I can be with him here and now enjoying the time we currently have as I have decided to depart with him. It's odd, that I've morphed into one who could not even say the word "death" to a place where It's not morbid, depressing or dark. That is a huge change. I did my research, have procured everything that is necessary and I no longer am existing in torment. We can downsize together and enjoy the process and each other.

Charles Boyer the actor took this route. I respect him for that. With all the stigma, religious condemnation, that others may spew, there are those of us who celebrate this option.

[b1b1b1]

Your post is very interesting. I have been a widow for about 2 years and you are correct that it is very difficult. My husband was also about 20 years older than I am, but we had a 40 year marriage. Do you mind saying how old you are and whether you have any children? I am giving your post more thought and want to ask you to PM me with any further thoughts you have. I understand what you are saying. xx

[NicksName in reply to b1b1b1]

Hello b1b1b1, I'm happy to chat with you. I'm not familiar with how to PM another member yet. If you would like to, I'm sure if you PM me, I'll get a notice and figure out how to respond directly.

In answer to your questions, I am 64 with no children.

[Maddy111]

I have been married for 21 years. My husband is 23 years older than me. He had a massive heart attack 14 years ago and was in a coma for 3 days. Those were dark and difficult days. He has an Implantable defibrillator and has not had another heart attack. For the past 2 years I have noticed him sleeping more, being quiet and content to stay home. The thought of losing him is with me daily. Last year we moved to a new county to be near our children. This has been a huge blessing for us both. He wanted me to be near the children and grandchildren so that when he passes I won't be alone. I We live a new normal but we are together every day. I cherish the time we have.

[NicksName]

Ah, Maddy111, Yep, It sounds like he truly understands and wants you to be cared for. What a great guy. Enjoy all your moments together