Extreme procrastination; stuck in my own head

Just wanted to vent. Am I looking for advice? Am I looking for validation? Am I looking for someone who feels the same way? I don't know, but it helps to put my thoughts down and at least get my fingers moving.

Lately I've just been so apathetic about everything. I have lots of things I want/need to do, that I know I'd enjoy, but have absolutely no drive to actually do it. Sitting here watching my monitor flicker, sitting here watching the days turn to weeks, sitting here watching the weeks turn to months. I blink for just a brief moment, and all of the sudden the leaves change another color yet again...

"Today will finally be the day I"... And the day passes,

"Tomorrow will finally be the day I"... And the day passes,

"Next week will finally be the week I"... And the day passes,

And the day passes, And the day passes, And the day passes.

I think, subconsciously, I'm extremely afraid of being a failure. Too afraid to express myself fully, too afraid to live my life without a care in the world. I'll typically give up very easily, and put myself in a situation where I don't have the chance to make a fool of myself. Except, I'm the only one being critical about what I'm doing, so it always becomes this stupid self-sustained cycle of inadequacy.

But, I know that everything resolves itself in the end. The days, the weeks, the months, the years; it doesn't matter when, or how, or why.

We all have to grovel in the lowest of lows before we can reap the highest of highs.

[Anxiety585]

I know this feeling all too well. It literally stops eevery thing i use to do

[Hidden in reply to Anxiety585]

We're all our own worst enemies. People usually say this phrase in passing, but it's more true and dangerous than anyone cares to realize...

[Roxylox in reply to Hidden]

l have to really push myself to get things done. Have improved a little lately but still procrastinate. My little house projects are not going to do themselves.

[Hidden]

I procrastinate sometimes. I have to depend on me.

[ScooterJoe]

So young and hurting so much. Wish I could help but all I can do is tell you that no, you are not the only one who is or has been at this place in life. In fact, I'm there now! Asked myself many times how I arrived at this point with no real answer. So many projects lying around and never started. Was it my bout with cancer? Was it losing my mother with whom I was very close? Was it a bad marriage? Or was it 71 years of all these things that finally became the 'straw that broke the camel's back'? You have a chance to be able to stop wandering and wondering. You can have so many good years ahead of you, but get some help now. Find a therapist, a doctor or whatever and learn what has brought you to this point. Don't just settle for a pill, do some soul searching. I must admit we write some beautiful things during our 'lows', but get on track to making some beautiful memories too. And don't forget to try to be a help to someone else too. Take care.

[Hidden]

You are aware of the issue so that is the first step in solving a problem.

[blue-green-purple]

I say the same things to myself every night. "Tomorrow I will, I can, I want to..." but when the morning comes, so does the anxiety and the freeze phase of fright, flight, freeze. I lived with this for a decade. Still living with it. Some days I accomplish what is absolutely necessary but I don't feel any joy either way. It can be a very pointless and scary existence. I've missed out on so much LIFE. I do feel regret but that and a quarter will get you nothing these days. See a therapist now. I know you probably don't want to but it may help to talk to a professional just like posting here lets you vent. They may actually have some good advice. If you can, go in person. Get out of the house and off your devices. Nothing like face to face with a good therapist. Good luck to you. Keep posting.

[Danceruby]

im 76. Dealt with depression most of life. I have often felt the same way. I find the best cure for me is doing something I love. I have taken care of children and walked dogs as part of a way to get me out and make money. Not working is the worst for me. I would never not turn up for a dog or a child. A friend with depression started a dog walking business, her therapist said. Best thing for her. Otherwise the things on my to do list are not important and basically too boring. For years i ran 3 miles a day, worked. It energized me. Find something you love. Thats the start.

[faucet]

You are not alone, I call it anxiety paralysis, so many things you want to do, used to love doing but just cant do it. I try to set very small goals and try to do them, but generally lost interest in everything I used to love to do.