I have been struggling this past month and recognize that I have been over-sharing with my friends and kids(young adults). I have been so triggered by a recent conflict that I feel filleted open. I have a hard time when people ask how I doing in keeping my response in the superficial plane.
I am feeling shame around my kids and resented my own parents for lacking boundaries in my past.
I have a therapist and take meds, just wondering if anyone else has felt like this or has ideas how to manage during a struggle.
thx
Written by
redrabbitniner
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
Most of us have had some kind of influential trauma either psychologically or
physically. I use to share with friends and family members until one day I realized
they just don't understand and were getting sick of the excuses and explanations.
I've lost friends over this issue and built a protected wall around myself as a final
way to avoid the hurt.
It wasn't until I realized that I would get better for myself and no one else,, did I
start heading for my recovery.
It was more like a "I'll show them" or "I'll have the last word". Does this make sense??
You see every time we reach out and get knocked down by others, we need to start over
again. It makes us feel so much more alone.
Working on ourselves, for ourselves, puts us at an advantage because we understand and
we know what we need. Coming onto this site is a given for you. It's a caring, understanding, non judgmental and safe place to be. I'm happy you are here with us. xx
i am guilty of oversharing too .. it puts an undue amount of stress on relationships especially on casual or newly forming ones.
That is not a problem here on this site, people respond to the shares.
Manage some of your feelings by unloading here. You may be able to control them in your other personal interactions and be less inclined to say uncomfortable truths to people who really are not interested.
Hi redrabbitniner, I struggle with depression and anxiety, and am on Lexapro which really helps. I have an excellent therapist and we work with cognitive behavioral therapy, which involves adjusting your thinking and behavior to better one's thoughts and moods. If by chance you think you are not getting very far with your present therapist or medicine, it's OK to ask for a new one. You can post to me anytime. I wish the best for you!
That is also something I have always struggled with. I am always anxious to be seen as a burden to my friends and family, or negative and whiny. Over the years, I've developed some habits that helped me cope.
Beside talking to my therapist, I write a lot. Just my train of thought, what worries me, what triggered me, and try to link the recent experience to past experiences. It can help to see that I am not without ressource, knowledge or experience. I am not stuck nor powerless. Reducing anxiety is the key to resume rational thinking, and taking the time to write it out and searching for the right word to express my feelings does both for me.
Another exercices I've learned to apply recently is to role play in my head the opposite situation - if my loved one came to me with that same issue, how would I react, instead of imagining (and dramatizing) how the other person may react. I try then to give myself the empathy, understanding and care I would show others in the same situation.
Finally, I believe communication is really important in dealing with anxious feelings in any relationship. Particularly with your kids as they probably look up to you for how to behave and all. The more open you are about your experiences and feelings, the more they can learn from it.
So, I would suggest to simply let your support group/persons know what you feel - that you dont want to overshare if they are not comfortable, or not in the right headspace at the moment. Ask them if they want to put boundaries or 'where' they are instead of worrying that you are crossing them. Reassure them that it is okay to have boundaries, even with your parents, and that you want them to tell you these things, because you care about their wellbeing, too. Maybe let them know what you are trying to achieve/what you are trying to obtain by talking with them - counsel, comfort, venting frustration, ... That might help them decide if its something they can do at the moment or not, if its possible to schedule a moment with them when they can be fully present for you.
I would like to let you know, it is okay to not comply with the supperficiality and small talk. Sure there might be some boundaries you want to keep between professional and personal life. But friends/family/chosen-family these are not supperfical relationships, and wanting meaningful and honest connections is nothing to be ashamed of. Be honest with them and with yourself about what you need and want in a given relationship, and of course, respect the other's boundaries and limitations in what they can bring to the relationship at a given time.
In general terms, what you’ve laid out represents the past decade or so of my life every single day. Let me first put into practice what I personally feel is the key that will allow a deep and personal connection between patient and therapist if executed properly:
I want to ensure I am completely certain on what specifically you’re asking for (advice, suggestions, my own personal successes and failures around therapy, treatment programs and meds, etc before I do anything else.
My goal as a potential therapist (for our discussion here only) must be laser focused on earning your complete and uterus trust in me as a source of treatment for your ails, but most importantly, without any resources available to date, you need to find a therapist that you’ll tell the entire detail for detail real deal truth about everything that bothers you, any areas you might also need to consider but rather than list all the issues you’d like to address, my own personal experience of what new studies are saying have a integral role in the formation of a comprehensive treatment program- therapy as needed, medication as a part of the whole but with its own set of personal and professional performance evaluations from you and your doc to make sure other factors aren’t at the root of your continued lack of progress.
So, if you are able to do so, tell me about the one overarching issue you’d like to tackle as step one, and once you’ve identified the issue, what kinds of things you’d like your therapist to give you guidance on: a treatment plan that makes a strategic and planned progress process so you have a guide to assist in easing your concern over what you feel is a lack of improvement? What kinds and methods of information or guidance do you find most beneficial? If connecting via a video chat to dint and shoot the shit as a first step, throw it out there. Part of the process will require you to help me determine the things that will catch on quickly and snowball into Seasily visual progress toward addressing the first issue up:
I’m currently working with my nonprofit in florida to develop what will become the nationally accepted clinical treatment Moro gram for those that suffered a traumatic brain injury, they required relearning basic skills in addition to cognitive models that help where meds can’t, so while I lack the credentials to give medical advice, I have the personal experience of lacking the resources and funds and network to maintain anything other than one generic medication a month, and the rest was up to me to figure out via trial and error what worked as comgiivr type therapies to limit my executive function deficiencies.
I have felt at one time or another shame about my mental illness. Shame about attempting suicide. That was 22 years ago.
I was fortunate enough to have parents that really wanted to help me.
I’m not trying to say anything like I feel like I’m all that! I’ve had struggles since then and my support system is very small, mainly due to the fact that my entire immediate family passed away in a 4 year period.
I will give you a recent example. This past April I fell headfirst down my front steps and broke my back in 3 places. Until last month I was wearing a back brace and it was very difficult to move about.
I journal a lot about how I’m feeling and for me the purpose of my journal is to look back into what I have written and see how far I’ve come. I do have a therapist along with my psychiatrist to help me to work things out. I did blame my parents for a bit as I came from an alcoholic environment, but as I’ve grown and done a lot of work on myself I’ve stopped blaming my parents and realized that they did the best they could.
In the past I’ve also been guilty of sharing too much with people that really didn’t care. That’s why this place is so great and freeing to reach out and be heard. I want you to know that you matter and I applaud you for reaching out.
A general bit of info I think may been interest to the group on the whole:
My life experience of ups and downs in addition to being forced into bankruptcy, putting in double work shifts to benefit the long term growth of multiple employers that not only underpaid and consistently relied upon my personal desire to help others that 5 separate times over the last decade plus ended in failings of leadership and or a lack of alignment culminated with my employment being terminated despite being denied requests for further training or even a basic office setup that not only acknowledged my function deficits snowballed into 6 years I total of my requirement of being stuck to my past roles and industries that had lost its quest for progress at the cost of greed and lack of competitive positioning that always is a factor that is accounted for by a successful business or industry. This sucks, because day privacy issues have led me to assume that Employment service companies like lever and the like that mange job boards like LinkedIn and Indeed are sharing information they’ve obtained on me from my accounts and data repositories across the net, which is a MaJOR problem when the 3 credit agencies are annually reporting data breaches and incorrect credit score reporting that is being shown on background reports used despite legally being strictly for binned to use in assessing a candidate’s abilities/likelihood to succeed long term in the role.which for most of us, our issues are likely the result of being mentally the polar opposite of how 9’5 out of 10 people are set to worn, and you’ve got yourself a situation that offers you two avenues to navigate: one, continue to take jobs with companies that have the same leadership issues present in previous jobs, or a lack of aligned measures the entire org agrees to use for progress and even more simply stated: those in leadership roles will rarely bare the brunt of what I feel is their only job - put their direct reports in a position most likely for long term success and provide support to the employees unwilling/unable to succeed on their own and give necessary support of cut ties and find someone that has the skillset to succeed when given all the necessary parts to make the company grow yet most companies are unwilling to allow for outside “critiques” instead being silently liquidated of their client satisfaction and long term growth. I decide that continuing to use the source of what certainly gives recruiters pause: 6 titles over 12 years…..and not management experience so no consideration for any position other than individual contributor aka the repeat offender I’ve this time around chosen to not engage with.
What I decided best for me was to focus on formal daily dedicated practice sessions that could help train my brain to elongate distractions and focus on my known skills for progress on a contract/job front while I at the same time enlist the help of a clinical cognitive therapy program meant to mitigate my areas of defecit.
I’m collaborating on a few ideas that will allow others to understand our struggles day to day rather than call us lazy or some other overlay braid and lazy term that holds good people back but also reps large impacting Uk changes from taking hold. Sooner……mental health coverage, access to th we super networks and publicly available standards for assessing potential risk issues with family and help to know when medical attention is necessary.
We’re the people burdened with making the clinical data already available to indicate the factors leading to issues, it also how to best assess and treat in the short term toward the intervention of a medical practice to take the care over once any short term major concerns are at worst temporarily negated.
A rule of thumb I’ve established and applied to revert single person in my extended family and closest of friends: they cannot or will not understand our struggles if it requires an explanation from the patient……these are the people that either visibly show or tell you that they’re annoyed with the way we communicate or it’s too much for them, the list goes on…..point being, if there’s no real intrinsic desire or ability to commit the time to researching and learning in their own how hard it is to live a day in our brains, lack the capacity to empathize with what is a daily struggle for us euro-diverse types.
I’m actively engaging in addressing and local advocacy groups to better support the gdbreak knowledge of our issue daily struggles to complete tasks we can’t concentrate enough to do thoroughly or completely so that when actively interviewing you’re not coached to stop fixefeti g so much or don’t move your arms or talk less and focus on this only type advice Is wholly unhelpful but also part of the many many issues that keep knowledge and research from consistently being measured for improvements and the money needed to get better run groups the resources and people needed to make their vision become a reality.
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
xx
Trying something different
Derealization. Any advice would be great!
I need some advice...
Thoughts? What would you do and why? 
Just checking in to see how you are feeling
