overwhelmed

[Foreverbroken31]

to be honest I don't like things changing in my life. I'm scared of the unknown what it holds for me. I don't know if it has to do with my adhd but I don't want nothing to change like this. I have a new boss and new people in charge of us and I'm just hating everything. New rules are being set I know it's for the best but I don't want it. I struggle to stare at customers in the eyes and to smile when I'm an introvert. Why do I have to force myself to do something I'm not comfortable with. My depression is sneaking back or maybe never left at all. I'm loosing friends and I'm loosing myself into the darkness. I honestly want to quit runway and never look back. It's not only the job it's the uncertainty of tomorrow. Of being completely lonely and not having my best friend in my life

[CL3V3R-G1RL]

I've been thinking about your post and how to respond to this. Yeah, change can be quite difficult to handle. Especially when it's a lot of changes all at once. But at the same time change is necessary. Take for example you cannot wear that little raincoat you wore when you were five. Why? Because you've changed You've gotten taller. And thus changes necessary.

With change comes growth and evolution. Things have to change. And sometimes that leaves us longing for the nostalgia. We miss old things and yeah we wish things can stay the same forever. But if they did we wouldn't grow as people. And you're right in your title of this. It definitely has you overwhelmed. Your anxiety plus ADHD is not helping matters. Like that saying goes the past is history, tomorrow is a mystery but today is a gift that is why it's called the present. What gives you the idea that you're losing friends? If you don't mind me asking. Have friends stop speaking to you because of your depression? Or have you stopped speaking to them because it's hard to explain what you're going through?

Either way I get it. Most people don't understand depression and what it can feel like. I do know if you have really good friends and best friends they would be understanding. And they will stick by your side. If you end up losing friends because you can't always hang out with them because you don't feel up to it. Then maybe they weren't really good friends at all. And maybe you're overthinking the future a little bit. Putting the cart before the horse. Doom and gloom. You won't be alone after all you're here. And there are a lot of people here that are just like you. I think you just need to take a moment and step back and look at your life. Look at what you've been able to accomplish. Take a moment to take pride in that. And at your job if you don't want to smile you don't have to. You don't really have to stare customers directly in the eye. You can find ways around that. I've done it myself and I was in school. Yes it is hard being an introvert and an extroverted world. Anyways I don't know if me posting to you helps you in any way. Cuz I know myself I don't like change either. But I have to embrace it. It is what it is. I'm just trying to keep a hopeful mindset about it. Look back at my past with gratitude and at the things that it has taught me. Be mindful of the now. And look forward to the future with hope. And I wish you all the best of luck to you and I'm sorry that you're feeling so overwhelmed. Hugs to you 🫂❤️

[Foreverbroken31 in reply to CL3V3R-G1RL]

Thanks for your reply. I know need change but I'm just a bit on the edge. I literally cried today after knowing the old boss hadn't given me the $60 bouns like he wasn't that good of a boss. But I left bad like left out. Yes the one friend I thought would be there has ignored all my messages blocked me on Facebook and she was a sister to me. I don't do well when a million questions go unanswered. I need closer to why she changed like this. She stopped having me over had excuses that is was my job then another dumb excuses. Which led to her dissappearing out of my life while I feel like everything is falling apart.

[CL3V3R-G1RL in reply to Foreverbroken31]

Well sometimes we only have people in our lives for certain periods of time. It's true, you can out grow a friendship.

Clearly she wasn't a great friend as you thought she was. She is going through whatever it is. But that is not your fault. Sometimes we never get closer or the real answers. Sometimes the way they went about things is the answer. I know it hurts

I lost a 7yr friendship over a stupid reason. All I can say is that I tried, I reached out. Eventually I took the hint. She took away our friendship and threw it away. That's my answer. She didn't think our friendship was worth saving. I did all I could. Just gotta move on. take your time to mourn the lost of a friendship. A lot people seem to think that's only for couples and death. But no grieving a lost of any kind is valid. You need to grieve that lost. But it wasn't your fault. You did your best you could. And come to terms that you won't get those answers.

Sorry you never got that bonus you were promised. Bosses be like that sometimes. Hopefully your new boss is better towards you.

[Foreverbroken31 in reply to CL3V3R-G1RL]

I guess you are right. My coworker said I should let ir go that hee behavior speaks alot about her choice and I should have more self love. And I guess you're also right about the grieving part. I feel a part of me knew this day was coming but I never wanted to fully accept it and now I'm force to. I guess it's time to cry what I had to and move on like she did.

[CL3V3R-G1RL in reply to Foreverbroken31]

You're coworker is right. That's a reflection on her character, not yours. Yes, you need to show more kindness to yourself. 💖

Positive self-talk