Ramping up

[Lazy_dog_lover]

I am scheduled for another major surgery in 10 days. I can feel my anxiety ramping up. It is probably the last “fix” before the doc says the bones are too badly damaged. It has been 29 months since the car accident. I don’t really know what I am asking for, here. I just feel lost and a little desperate.

It is what it is. I can’t change that. My thoughts spiral. I am so disappointed in my life. I don’t know where to look for what comes next. I need a job. I am not picky. It will be 6-9 months before I am mobile enough to do much. I just need to find something to prop me up.

What do you do when you feel like something that happened TO you is somehow your fault? Yesterday, I was convinced that somehow this is Karma coming to bite me. I am a relatively decent person. I try to do good. I just feel lost.

[Stippler]

It is NOT your fault. I blame myself for similar things. But that does not make it true by any means. I know this can be hard to believe. I struggle with it also. I wish you the best with your upcoming surgery. I don't know if it is karma, but regardless, it might be a learning experience. What I mean is, you might emerge from this a stronger person. I hope I am not being a Pollyanna. I just want to help but I am not the best at it. Sending hugs.

[Lazy_dog_lover in reply to Stippler]

Thank you. I don’t judge. I never thought it would be this hard. I definitely cannot look beyond one day at a time.

[Arymretep]

Wishing you all the best for your surgery ,take care 😘

[Lazy_dog_lover in reply to Arymretep]

Thank you. Your support is appreciated.

[Roxylox]

This is not your fault. Life is full of chances. Wish you well in your operation.

[Lazy_dog_lover in reply to Roxylox]

I appreciate the well wishes.

[Daveacr1959]

Perfectly normal feelings. Life can hit us with hard feelings at times. Try the Wim Hof guided breathing exercises free on you tube.,laying down is best. I am one of the cold water nut jobs. Cold showers, baths, plunges . Start out at 70-65 degrees for 5 minutes. Exhale slowly. And work a few degrees colder each week. If you don’t have cold water. Put a bag of ice in a tub of your coldest water. Put your head and face in a few times in a row with a minute break. Then put your hands in 5 minutes. And feet 5 minutes. It releases chemicals in the brain. I know it might be hard with your surgery. Any kind of exercises too. You tube has chair aerobics etc . Be around people who love you. It’s going to be fine.

[Lazy_dog_lover in reply to Daveacr1959]

Thanks. I can’t breathe as fast as that. Might be easier laying down. If I could get in the lake, cold water is not an issue, but I can’t stand long enough to do it in the sink. I remember the cold water tanks after a hard team practice. The science is fascinating. My friends have all moved, so I am pretty alone.

[Daveacr1959 in reply to Lazy_dog_lover]

They have slower breathing rounds .. search it on YouTube. You don’t have to breathe that fast , go at your pace. Just mouth breathing though. Put your hands and feet in the cold water tub then.

[Hidden]

I had severe mental illness in high school. Did a lot of bad things and hurt a lot of people. Its been a decade and ive been fine,but now I'm stuck dealing with all of these feeling of guilt and shame. But the things I did had a huge impact on my life as well, when I was doing them I was mainly disassociated So it absolutely feels like it happened TO me.