everyone around me (in my life) has their own life going on.
I don’t feel apart of anyone’s life, they all busy doing own thing. I’m not apart of anyones life.
I don’t feel I belong anywhere. Feel pretty lonely. It’s like life and fun is what happens all around me. I’m n the outside looking in. I felt this way all my life.
Hello
How is your evening?
I am trying to be more positive
I don’t know why but if I try to think positive I then worry that if I listen to that something bad will happen, do the negative thought comes in to protect me
I don’t know why I do this
I did wonder if anyone else feels like this
In a strange way the sadness is a comfort . I having a bad night but hoping feelings will pass
You too x
Your right the sadness and hurt does us no good over all
Thank you for your reply
PurpleBones nailed that one. Every time you have a negative thought try to think of 2 positive thoughts to replace it.
It’s difficult to think of positive thoughts sometimes.I also have this weird thing that when Im able to think positive I then quickly think negative because if I listen to the positive I think something bad will happen.
I do wonder if anything be else finds this?
I feel totally isolated from intimacy and don't know where I belong. I've struggled life long with fitting in. The negative thinking started so young, so its a challenge to turn it around. If I think positively I fear that Its all a fantasy, that it feels good, but is untrue. Its a challenge to change but it's a goal.
I hear you buddy x
Okay this is just for YOU to think about. It’s not about replies. I don’t want or need an answer. It’s just for you.….
So why do you have to be part of their lives? Why not develop your own?
Why put the key to your happiness in someone else’s pocket. You are the only one who gets to live your life. So do it on your own terms.
Just something to consider.
To not be apart of their lives which I feel I’m not really anyway, would mean I have no one at all. I’m a loner that does not mind being alone but sometimes it gets to much to be alone with my own thoughts.
You have to like yourself and be comfortable with yourself if anybody else is ever going to be. Easier said than done, I know. I’m on that same path myself.
I think everyone feels like that sometimes, especially when life is quiet. Social media doesn't help as it is just the highlights of everyone else's lives, which makes it look like everyone is having loads of fun and you are not, even though that's not true. There are a lot of lonely people out there, and a lot of people who want everyone to think their lives are much better than they actually are.
Most people really appreciate it when a friend gets in touch, I bet those in your life would too.
X
Yes that’s how it seems , everyone is having fun with out me. I don’t get invited along. No one wants me around.
Hi TL7.
What about ur life ? Aren't U taking part there ? If not why not ? ( lots of questions that hopefully have u engage in something special ) How about loving urself , as the saying goes if U don't love U then why should anyone else love U.
What U need is a ladder to get urself out of the hole that is getting deeper with the violent silence. The silence of U not putting U first , by U asking why ur not part of their lives , well to repeat how about U get involved in ur life & start learning how U have got to the point where U are now & what U gonna do about it?
Not gonna be easy or fast, it's actually a slow & thankless task of learning bout one's self & making changes & not changes that others want U to make but the ones U need U to make a better U. Start with loving urself & forgiving urself too. U need to be the best U for U & then if U have hubby & kids , be the best U for them but only if U put U first . Now let's look at that last bit. If ur on a downward spiral how can U help ur loved ones ? U can't, I tried & I fail & ended up having a breakdown & my health made things worse & I allowed myself to fall into a hole & kept digging myself in deeper until 1 day it dawned on me that I need to put myself first if I'm gonna be a good dad to my daughters.
It was then I started working on myself & the love I never had for me & I changed my attitude & put me first & when I began to love me & accept that mentally I'm damaged goods but not broken , so once I started filling my cup with love I started giving & sharing all the love that runneth over with my daughters & the more I learned the more I accepted I'm limited & I'm not perfect either.
It was then I accepted that the anger that was always at the front & I needed to help myself become less angry & that's when I realised I needed to cut negative people out of my life & FOR GOOD & the more I loved me & respected me the calmer I became . I also use aromatherapy so I have different scents burning to help my bedroom be Mt calm place. Now I have 3 to 5 friends I keep in touch with , family & that's it . I got rid of nearly ALL SOCIAL MEDIA as that place is where evil actually exists & U see it & I couldn't use it & expect myself to heal. I do keep my face ache open but that's for the bonuses U can get from games.
So in short even after over a decade I'm still learning about me & still learning how to heal me & stop my anxiety rising thus triggering my depression. I trying to learn the signs of when depression is taking over but I've not found it yet but I have my own way of snapping out of it.
I hope some of the things I did & do can inspire U to look after U & help U to learn bout U to be a better U . However as I said before its a long & slow road but U can't give up on urself , because if U do so will others.
Thank you for sharing.It’s nice to hear you have been through bad times and got through the other side.
Reassures me that things can change for the better.
Yes I do not love or like myself, I have no self esteem, confidence ect
Feeling of not being good enough
I’m scared to let people in incase they take advantage of this.
I have been looking to see what my core values are and why I am the way I am.
Also trying not to let my thoughts take over. As it’s this that depresses me the most.
I depress my self most the time.
Thanks again for the reassurance , hope your day is a good one 🙏
With any journey U will take , you'll find that the first step is the hardest one but it's also the most important one too.
I wish U love & light on ur journey & believe me when I tell U that there are many great folks here that have been there & have taken or taking or thinking about taking that journey. So U aren't alone even if it feels like it . If U have a crappy day reach out. Believe me when I say there will be plenty of crappy days to start with but the more U Learn the less the crappy days happen. Also its OK if U have a crappy day, we all get them even years into helping ourselves.
Now go for it & learn about U .
Really good advice, glad you have made healing progress.
Thank you but as you know the journey is very long & I honestly think it will take me the rest of my life learning new things that will help me healing & hopefully when I take my last I will have reached my peace with myself.
I wish U love & light on ur journey too.
I understand and the same to you.
You have to find your own life! I don’t mean that the way it sounds, honestly. I am in the same boat. Because of my childhood, I have always been on the outside looking in. Never feeling like I truly belong anywhere!
My daughters changed that, They became my world, but now they are adults with their own lives. So now I find myself with no group of girls/ friends to hang out with, go on girls weekends, things like that. I stay at home most of the time, but I catch up on movies, find out any hobbies I like or want to try, and try them. I’m taking time to learn who it is I want to be. Do I wish I had that group of girls you do everything with, that know everything? Absolutely. But for now I am getting to know myself! For years I put everyone ahead of me, no I am learning to put ME first! In the mean time? I have my nieces, and my daughters! I’ve made peace with that!
I feel that way too.
I do think that some of us are outsiders to some extent, but the more I learn, the more I think a lot of it is just busy-bragging on their part...pretending that they're too important for everyone else. "I'd love to get together sometime, but we've just been so busy....Weddings....Parties....Trips to Switzerland....Dinners with foreign ambassadors." Rubbish. Everyone has time if they make time.
The irony is that loneliness and disconnection are at epidemic levels, but to a lot of folks, keeping up appearances is more important than connecting.
I totally agree with this! It seems a lot of people have time for everyone else in their lives and love to brag about it! If I ask someone to do something, I get shut down or the old, “I’m busy this weekend, we’re going up to our cabin, or celebrating so and so’s birthday.” Then busy after that. It doesn’t matter where people are economically or socially either. It doesn’t matter how nice or “cool” I am, I’ve seen it all. Shrinks say,” Why do you allow them to have such power over you?” Because they are the only ones out there!! Finding good honest people that you can share things with, that can really befriend you is really hard quite frankly. So discouraging. I know I am not the only one. So hard to keep going!
What an exciting opportunity for you to create your own life. You don’t need to try to fit into someone else’s life. You need to create the life that feeds you in the inside and makes you happy.
What are some of the things you like to do? Volunteer at the school, reading programs, concession stands, daycares, nursing homes, humane society’s. There are so many people and animals that can use help and or just a little love.
Pick up a hobby? Make new friends who like to do the same thing you do. Join a workout group and not only get exercise which releases your own endorphins, and serotonin, but you can possibly make friends. Do you like art, sports, etc. you can join groups to learn new things or participate with people who like what you do.
Don’t depend on other people for your happiness. You are in charge. You get to create your own happiness. It is an exciting adventure. Don’t be afraid of it. Embrace it! ❤️
Thank you, lots of good suggestions!
My social anxiety stops me from doing anything! It cripples me.
There must be a way to get over it which I’m trying to find.
When I have been to group things in the past I don’t deal with them well and freeze.
Or if I do manage to speak I overthink and analyse everything for ages after driving myself crazy.
Consider tackling this from one of two angles. Angle number one is two put yourself in a place where you don’t have to have a ton of social interaction, like maybe go to a Humane Society and volunteer to spend time with animals and helping to do little things to train them to be ready for their forever home. Teaching them to sit etc. you get love and attention from the animals, and you can challenge yourself to talk to a certain number of people a day. It could be something so simple as saying hello, and asking how their day is. Then each day you can challenge yourself to meet your goal for the day . Slowly and gradually increase your goal for the day as you begin to feel comfortable.
The second method, and this is one that I chose personally, was to throw myself into the proverbial fire. I chose to participate in public speaking. There’s a group called toast masters, and it is set up of people who are trying to become better communicators. At first I was extremely just 100% terrified. I kept my speaking time to as little time as possible, but I got up in front of a group of people and spoke about some thing. I kept putting myself outside of my comfort zone over and over and over again until it became easier and easier and easier and easier . Now I can feel comfortable walking into a room and I can talk to anyone. I have grown to the point where I could present in front of an entire theater full of people and not break a sweat. I went from the scared girl who would think through conversations in my head but be too afraid to say them, to the confident woman who can lead an entire room full of people. I had to face my fear over and over and over again, but eventually it became A strength.
Think about which method might work for you. Maybe it’s not public speaking, maybe it’s literally challenging yourself to say hello, or paying somebody a complement, or asking how are you today to a set number of people. Just force yourself to step outside your comfort zone a little bit every day.
Wow that’s impressive!It’s inspiring to hear you have managed to achieve that.
I don’t think I’d be able to speak to an entire room, I have difficulty in small groups.
One to one I’m a lot better and more comfortable. Although I avoid that if I can. I’m socially inept lol
I think I could manage some goals though, to move outside my comfort zone.
I have been trying to go outside this by online like here. And I been trying to smile more at people and say hello.
I was only speaking to close people I know at one point.
I been have been going back into my shell lately because people I have been speaking to by message ect I feel have been ignoring me, so this has put my walls back up again and two steps back.
I am someone who is abandoned and in isolation literally having zero family or friends and unable to make any due to my circumstances and having severe ptsd/anxiety/paranoia. If you'd like to and are comfortable to, message me and maybe we would find enough in common to at least feel we have someone to talk to.
Plants are cool.
I completely get where you are coming from. It’s one of my triggers when I message people and don’t get a response, or I suggest going somewhere but I get a negative response, and my symptoms is always to cry and spiral, until it ends in a panic attack or full on crying fit. Turns out I have a firm belief that no one likes me, but I know now that’s my social anxiety talking. My therapist suggests I challenge the thoughts, put it in perspective. Is it EVERYONE? Are they not just busy? Am I going about it in the wrong way? Can i focus on one person I know does like me, or set a deadline for responses? do I even need people to like me? Even to the point of suggesting I make new friends if they aren’t satisfying my needs. I’m a good problem solver (as a mathematician!) so she suggests I use it to my advantage. Just have to remember to do all this challenging before I spiral which is the hard bit!!
It’s hard to do, but finding a common interest with someone is always a good first step. You are always welcome to chat with me, I’m going on this journey too. You don’t have no one, you have us guys 🙂
Exactly!
I totally get you, I as well believe no one likes me!
I don’t deal well internally with being ignored, it’s a sign to me that they will soon leave.
So is it best for me to pull away before they do and then it’s easier to deal with ?
Although I’m trying to stop running away and hanging on which is doing my mental health no good at all
I don’t like letting the person know I’m effected . I don’t want to seem over-reacting or sensitive or that I’m even bothered. I not sure if they want more a reaction from me or not but I don’t want to seem unreasonable or nagging
Think about your wants and needs - they are the only things you can control. Is it someone you value and want to keep a relationship with?
If so then it’s a case of accepting the fact they ignore you. Is there a way you can reach out to them, not as a chaser but as a concern for them as they aren’t replying? Check there’s not something going on in their lives that maybe they are struggling with and need your support?
If not then is there someone else you can reach out to instead? That maybe you know will respond?
I do want to keep a relationship with them but feel they don’t want to anymoreThis is a problem I have with relationships in general that I don’t feel enough ect
Thank you for your support
I have been reaching out here as I don’t feel like people treat me too sensitive or crazy here
No one knows how bad it effects me
I do feel my problems are silly compared to others, I just don’t deal with emotions well at all, but reaching out here is helping with this
Yeah Social anxiety is a mental illness, and a really difficult one to manage at that! and not everyone can understand that. Just remember it’s not a reflection of who you are. And it’s likely they’re not even thinking about it when they don’t reply, they just get wrapped up in their own thoughts and lives.
Here for you anytime, I’m camping this weekend so pretty sporadic but you are not alone in this. I’m a long way off of recovery myself, having to undo a lifetime of learned behaviour, thoughts and safety mechanisms. x
Zoloft has RUINED my life.
Hi, I'm Lexy & my life is going nowhere.
I can’t make it on my own
I feel like my life is going nowhere.
