Social Anxiety and it's pain.

[RisingFire2]

So in real life I can say that I'm far from good with conversation, which is unfortunate because there are people I wanna talk to in other environments. But there's more to it then just this.

To some degree it's gotten to the point where I barely even trust my Mom with anything. I hide goals, hobbies, what I'm doing on the PC even and rarely do I ever enjoy talking to her. But that could just be depression for ya, not exactly helpful.

Nonetheless continuing forward I usually rely on people I know online and online environments to let out my emotions and make friends just because it seems much easier. Which in a way, it is a little easier but it's still not as easy as I want it to be. I struggle to make connections and feel close to others.

I fear texting my actual friends because I fear as if I'll be annoying. Not to mention the closer I am to someone the harder it is for me to talk to them in general. Shouldn't it be the reverse way around? Not fearing judgement from friends or thinking you'll be annoying from them but from strangers instead? That's how this whole world is. Why is this? Where can I find a way to fix this..

Even if I try to make friends I just end up only contacting them once a week if even that at all. Which, I rarely do that anyways if I'm being completely honest. And any groups I join I can easily feel out of place. Can anyone relate or have any advice? I would love to hear.

[EndUser13]

I can't relate but it sounds painful. Usually, I'm the one who writes and never hears back from people. I think I can appreciate the idea of wanting to have more contact with certain people but not knowing how to make it happen.

While I don't know the source of your anxiety, I do like the typical approach to phobias of exposing yourself to them to give them less power and get used to them. I could see where that would be torture and help at the same time with social anxiety.

[RisingFire2 in reply to EndUser13]

Thanks for these words, I'll explain a little more where I can but even when I get a lack of response and do try it feels like I sorta go backwards due to the discouragement of no reply. However in a sense you are correct, the more I do it the easier it becomes. Until I fall into a cycle where I cant because of either being too tired physically due to work to get on social media or various other things and therefore go backwards. But I'll do my best to not really make any form of excuses,

My illogical and irrational mind says that if I do something wrong I could lose respect. At the same time how can I still be respected if I barely reach out. Hmm.. In a little bit after I get by my plans of today which is mostly finding anxiety or depression groups I'll be sure to talk to them more, I appreciate the thought out response.

[EndUser13 in reply to RisingFire2]

I can't tell you how so much of this vibes with me 😁

[RCCOLA]

Unfortunately, I'm not only old but I've lived a life of avoidance for most of my life. I avoid everything, I'm invisible, I'm able to walk through a crowded room without even a split second of eye contact. I wish I could go back and change but it's too late.

[RisingFire2 in reply to RCCOLA]

While it may not be possible to go back, you can still make changes to your current life. I do feel your pain and understand it. I don't know how old you are but it's never too late. Though it may be hard, considering this is a lifestyle you've gone through for quite awhile and honestly it seems comfortable. It truly is not. I hope you find something from these, but I doubt I can be the only force to encourage you.

Sorry I'm sorta one to try and help people where I can, nonetheless I see that it's a painful life and just, keep holding on.

[RCCOLA in reply to RisingFire2]

Thank you, that was rather thoughtful and kind. I'm actually trying to work out of it. Anxiety makes it more difficult but I'll manage, I think. I'm 60, for what it's worth and fighting it tooth and nail. I refuse to give in. For instance, part of my workout routine used to be running which changed a couple of months ago to sprinting. I don't want to stop doing it because then I may not be able to do it. I'm done babbling but thanks for the kind words.

[tealneulbo]

I'm new to this whole online thing as I've been just trying to cope with anxiety and depression in not-so-good ways. So you expressing yourself, despite it being online, is still better than not doing anything. I too struggle connecting with people, including my mom. Though I wasn't like this before, I find myself ignoring calls on days where I don't feel like talking to anybody (which has been happening often). Then, I feel guilty which results in me reaching out even less. There are times when I'm in a room full of people I care about and am disengaged, having thoughts of wanting to go home.

I get it when you said you feel like you're annoying your friends by texting them and think all sorts of stuff on how they perceive you. You're right. We shouldn't fear judgement from the people we call our friends. I have a friend in which I share almost everything. And I felt like I was burdening her with all the negative things I was going through. When I asked her about it, I found out that she was actually thinking something totally different than what I thought she was thinking. Maybe all it takes is one honest conversation with a trusted friend to discover a possible solution.