Not in a good place, but...

[RupertBrown]

I'm back. Things are going okay overall. Finished physical therapy and my symptoms are minimal now. Began working out again, which has been great for stress relief! Will begin painting again soon, so that's good. I still struggle daily however. Something very specific is weighing on me. There's someone I'm close to who I've begun to realize is toxic. It's gotten to the point where I have panic attacks when he textsme. My wife and are pretty certain we need to cut him out of our lives. The problem is I struggle badly with confrontation and boundaries. I have begun looking forward to the day I don't have to worry about him calling or coming over. No more panic attacks, no more getting all upset, no more ruined days off. I wish I was more like him in some ways. Able to speak my mind clearly. Not having to worry about hurting people's feelings. But I'm not. So I get trapped in a loop of second guessing myself and indecision. All the while, I struggle and seethe. I think about this constantly, every day. I can't focus or relax or enjoy things. Part of me just wants to "rip the bandaid off" and be done with it. But I worry about coming off as a jerk. There's so much more to it, but I just can't get into it right now. I think I already know the answer, but what do you guys think I should do?

[Agora1]

Hi Rupert, it sounds like both you and your wife know the answer but want to be this nice person who doesn't hurt anyone's feelings. That's very valiant of you however

when the person it's hurting most is yourself than a decision needs to be made.

"you look forward to the day you don't have to worry about him texting

or coming over".....I see it as having two choices. Don't hurt his feelings and stay in this

situation until one of you die or tell him in as nice a way as possible that this relationship

is no longer working for you and your wife and you must come first. The thing is to not

get caught up in a corner. No if's, and's or but's. End of sentence period.

You may feel bad for a while until you start feeling the freedom and release of this toxic

person out of your life. No bad wishes, you just both go on your way. Life is too short Rupert

to wish for the day you find peace and calm. My best to you as always xx

[RupertBrown in reply to Agora1]

Hi Agora, good to hear from you! You are wise as always and I know you're right. I can be pretty thick sometimes and often need the obvious pointed out to me. What you said about things staying this way hit home. I need to start thinking about this like "how long am I willing to continue like this?".

[Agora1 in reply to RupertBrown]

You've got that right my friend.. You will know when enough is enoughand the time is right. My best to you xx

[AnxiousSilver]

"There's someone I'm close to who I've begun to realize is toxic."

So basically this was a "friend" of yours that you just don't feel is good for your mental well being anymore?

[RupertBrown in reply to AnxiousSilver]

That is correct. I have come to realize that the only thing we ever had in common was partying together. Fundamentally, we are totally different people. And on many levels; politically, philosophically and even morally. He's very negative and very pushy, two things I don't respond well to. I know now that I've just been going through the motions with our friendship for some time and it's just not worth it anymore.

[Nothing_but_books]

No advice. I'm just here to say hi, and I understand what it's like.

I suspect you worry about seeming a jerk because you've been hurt. It makes us more understanding of others hurts, don't you think?

Getting through your physical therapy is great! Painting, working out. You're tougher than you know.

[RupertBrown in reply to Nothing_but_books]

Hi NBP, great to hear from you! Hope you are well. Thanks for the support. I get so twistef up in my head that sometimes a few encouraging words can be very impactful. It's nice to be reminded that I'm not crazy! Thanks again.

[Nothing_but_books in reply to RupertBrown]

Good days and bad days.

Naw, you're not crazy. I'm not crazy. None of us here are crazy. Ain't nobody here but just us chickens. 😁

[catch_the_music]

I delay or stop answering texts from people I don't want in my life. Perhaps you could pray for the person you have the concern with - that their toxicity would go away and for them to have a good life. Maybe they will be enjoyable to be around in the future.