New - is this the place for me?

I am 40 years old, a mother and a professional. Sometimes I feel like I have my life totally together, and sometimes it's a complete disaster. A friend suggested that I find a support group I started here. Is this the right place for me? I'm currently in the middle of a disaster fueled by anxiety and depression. Each time it gets more confusing to name what is happening, and harder to crawl out.

12 Replies

  • I believe this is the right place for you! I'm 33 and I feel exactly the same as you! Alone on an island some times and other times I feel completely put together. I love my life and am supported but some times I can't get out of my funk. I was hoping the same thing! That I could find support and understanding without being judged poorly.

  • Hi, I'm pretty new here too. So far he been so good. Life is hard and depression/anxiety doesn't help at all. I been having anxiety/depression for a month straight. Has been really hard especially when I have to go to work. Hang in there. Try to do some yoga or meditate. Yoga and meditation has helped me a little bit

  • Yes, just got back into doing yoga. i feel like I might be on an upswing, physically. Had a really bad injury which kept me from exercising for over a month. Now I'm able to spend 10 minutes on the yoga mat at a time. It's a start.

  • Well if you need to talk im here to listen and maybe give advice sometimes talking to a stranger brings out answers

  • Thank you, that means a lot.

  • Hi, welcome to the forum.

    We talk about lots of things to do with anxiety and depression like medication, support teams, mental health topics, self help ideas etc. We cannot replace good medical advice from your friendly doctor but can give you our time to read and respond as experts from personal lived experience of A & D. I like to add the 3rd element of S=stress caused by trying to cope with the other two conditions.

    If you are working then managing can be so much harder on your own at work. I found that by talking with my team leader about my condition that I was able access some reasonable accomodations and that I was protected from discrimination by legislation. It turned out to be a win-win situation for the workplace and me. I will admit it took much thinking about getting up the courage to arrange the meeting and what I needed to say. There are lots of websites to refer. One book that I found particularly helpful was "Working in the Dark" by Dawn Fitter.

    I have reproduced the article here from

    " If you’re dealing with depression and you realize it’s affecting your work, who should you tell? Your employer or supervisor? – or your clients if your self-employed? Why might you need to do that, and how might they react? Would they be understanding and helpful? Or would they no longer trust your abilities because they thought you were “crazy?” And if you tell someone, when should you do it – during a bright spell when your job performance is fine or during a dark time when you need to take a leave of absence? And what exactly should you say?

    These are some of the questions that Working in the Dark: Keeping Your Job While Dealing with Depression tries to answer. I wish I had read this book when it came out in 2002. It would have been an important resource in dealing with my own crisis at work. Not that I was looking for such a book at that time. Even though I had been dealing with depression for years, I couldn’t bring myself to make the visceral connection with problems in my work life until the situation blew up in my face. This is a guide to prevent that from happening.

    The inspiration for Working in the Dark came from co-author Fawn Fitter’s own experiences with depression and her struggle to preserve her business during a severe episode when she had difficulty meeting commitments to clients. When she looked for help, she found it difficult to interpret the scattered information she could find, both about depression and about workplace issues. So she developed this brief guide specifically aimed at workers struggling to understand how depression might be affecting job performance and what they can do about it.

    The result is part how-to manual about depression and workplace rights and part sensitive discussion of practical decisions that depressed employees need to consider. Aimed at people who are aware they’re having big trouble but have no tools for understanding what’s happening to them, it provides basic information about specific symptoms, how they might be indicators of depression and the range of treatment options that should be considered. This is presented briefly, clearly and without assumptions about any particular course an individual might choose.

    The idea is to offer hope for change to people who are confused, fearful of losing their jobs and seeing no way out except abandoning work they seem no longer able to do.

    The core of the book is a thoughtful discussion of what employees who have learned about their condition can do when dealing with employers, supervisors and coworkers. The focus is on two elements: the Americans with Disabilities Act (and related laws) and the difficult human choices about how to talk to people on the job about what you’re going through. The writers understand quite well that many resist the idea of labeling themselves either as “mentally ill” or “disabled,” but they want people with depression to know what their options and rights are whether or not they want to make use of them.

    The most nuanced discussion addresses the very human problem of figuring out who to talk to and what to say about your condition and its impact on job performance. The writers know well how tricky and risky this can be. It may be OK to talk with a knowledgeable and sympathetic employer, supervisor or client, but the problem is you can’t tell ahead of time what their assumptions, judgments, prejudices might be. Yet these are people holding your economic lifeline so you have to think carefully about exactly what you should reveal.

    This is where knowledge of ADA rights is important because there are rules about what employers are allowed to ask and how they can make decisions about your job. Even if you have no intention of asserting those rights, that law has reshaped the workplace to some degree and established safeguards that affect how employers treat everyone.

    But rights and law only go so far in setting boundaries and offering guidance. What about your colleagues and coworkers – what, if anything, should you tell them? How might they react if you receive “reasonable accommodation” and start working from home or get a quieter workspace or have different job assignments? How would you explain those changes? What happens if you say nothing?

    The writers respect the fact that only you can decide what to reveal and when and to whom. They offer pointers about a variety of scenarios, even providing a few sample scripts to illustrate how much or how little to put out there.

    Working in the Dark gets right to point and clearly moves you through the issues. When I first read it, I thought, Oh, it’s too basic – what can I learn from this? But then I put myself back where I had been when it first hit me that I was in trouble at work. This would have been the perfect thing to read. I hope others can pick it up before their work issues start to get out of hand.


    I hope this helps

  • This is extremely relevant to where I'm at. Not knowing who is appropriate to talk to is one of the reasons I'm on this website. Someone else in my field that I worked closely with (it's a high stress field) had a 'break' from all the stress and had to be hospitalized. Her clients' reactions were mixed from being supportive to distancing themselves from her. Now I just tell people I feel under the weather or have a sick kid when my anxiety gets to a debilitating point.

  • Gosh, I really wished I would have had this information before I quit my job. I was having severe panic attacks and had missed quite a few days. I told my employer that I was having severe vertigo because I was afraid they would think I was crazy. They gave me a highly stressful assignment which just made the panic attacks so severe I had to quit!

  • May I suggest you go see a psychiatrist/neuropsychiatrist who will listen to you and make suggestions on the best treatment path for you there. When we aren't even able to get it together enough to figure a way out of our problems, it is always best to go see an expert who can help us get back on the path.

    Support groups may be great but sometimes we get the sense that those in our support group aren't dealing with the same things and so cannot really help us in the end. So seeing an expert would be my advice and you can get information on support groups or therapists to see from there.

  • I'm shopping for a therapist now. On meeting #3, but still not sure if it's the right person. I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels like it is a part-time job just to find someone who matches my needs and is available for me. Like if I can't even get it together enough to get my kid out the door to school in the morning, how am I supposed to get it together enough to lock in a therapist or psychiatrist that's a good fit?

  • I know what you mean about not being sure if the therapist you have now is the right one. There really needs to be a change in the mental health care sector cause it is so out of touch and I for one am sick of the work one has to do to find care.

    You are so right that it is a part-time job on its own. I agree

  • This is how I use this forum. Take what u like.

    When I'm feeling overwhelmed with my anxiety or depression, I tend to ruminate and obsess about it which only makes it worse and I feel isolated. On here I can read posts and offer support or advise. That small act of service gets me out of my self pity and self obsession. Volunteering, service work, listening and supporting others makes me feel that I'm part of the solution and brings purpose and self esteem.

    On other days I just write a post about what I'm struggling with. Weather it gets a response or not the act of getting it out of my head and into the public forum breaks the secrets and the isolation. I know I'm not alone and that helps.

    Take what u like and leave the rest

    Good luck ✌️

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